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It might not make sense right now…

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” – Hippocrates

The recurring theme surrounding the past couple years for our generation is acknowledging that life is MUCH harder than what the movies and TV shows of old made it out to be. Often times, we won’t be able to mentally put together how things landed where they did – and when we try, it can often be looked at as a failure rather than a tough lesson taught on the way to the real success we had in mind. 


Take careers, for instance. Many parents and mentors of ours spent their entire adult lives with the same company, working their way up to the top – and as our peers demonstrate, that certainty doesn’t mean much to the majority of us craving adventure and something new with every page we turn and post we share. Friends often laugh when they talk about my work history, because to anyone over the age of 40 the thought of changing industries, let alone companies, over the span of a few years terrifies certain personality types. However, these ventures have created chapters in my book of life I never thought possible – and even just this weekend, I managed to apply something I learned from an area completely unrelated to hospitality to the newest challenge at hand in an effort to grow our business in a new way.


Relationships, this one is clear – no one sees coming.the damage that we get dealt, and sometimes even deal ourselves. Sure, there are some couples that have fairy tale stories come true of finding their better half in high school and miraculously finding ways to rekindle that love throughout the years. For the rest of us, we cling to song lyrics that explain how our future significant other will get a heart that has been through absolute hell, one that may have been broken in several places but eventually figured out a way to heal. That is, if we manage to work ourselves up to the task of committing to someone once more after the amount of pain we have gone through in the past. Even then, requiring that we manage to survive the current dating culture of swiping right before a proper introduction and hoping we don’t get “ghosted” in the process… or even end up doing the ghosting ourselves after a few dates lacking the “thing” you were hoping to find amidst that time spent together.


Through all of the hardships we endure and put others through, the one piece of the puzzle that stands out in resolution is the ability to show grace and compassion in a moment when others may find it rather non-self serving at a time when the status quo calls for the opposite. A little over two years ago, I was blown away at the message I received from an old friend, who told me that she decided to double down and take a serious look at her faith once more – because of the example I showed her by clinging to my own faith in moments where others would undoubtedly choose selfishness, anger, and resentment as an appropriate response. The odd thing to me was that I couldn’t make sense of it – in my mind, I was simply trying to do what I thought best in a hellish situation… bearing a cross, if you will, so that others didn’t have to hold that weight on their shoulders as lives were being completely upended.


Through all of the self-help books, talks, medications – we have to realize that there is no “perfect” way to bounce back from the hardships we encounter. However, there is clearly something to be said for finding a way to open up about the frustration (writing music, blogging, even calling up an old friend) and the relief that comes from pressing Send to put it out there for whoever may also be able to relate and appreciate. Keeping things deep in our hearts only postpones the inevitable outbursts and breakdowns that truly need to take place in order to move on and build something even better for yourself. Whether it be a gym routine, therapy sessions, time on retreat – pursue what you know to be good for your soul, and don’t let any of the ridiculous distractions of our society stand in your way. 


The one thing I wish I could say to myself throughout the last few years is simply this: It might not make sense now, but it will. I promise it will.

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What kind of experience do you want?

Doesn’t matter the context – it should be a memorable one, right? That’s what I thought – and yet, the concept seems rather skewed in interpretation by everyone around us. We get so caught up with trying to be “the person” who had the best angle for the picture/video of the moment in front of us… that more often than not, we end up missing out on the majority of that experience because of our selfishness. 2019 has ushered in a mentality where we can justify time spent adding filters to images instead of making conversation with the incredible beings sitting right across the table.


Don’t get me wrong now – there is always going to be value in creating quality content for accounts, especially as our world continues to advance in technological capabilities by the day. Content has become currency, and it has opened up opportunities for several people to pursue careers they have never thought possible when growing up. That being said, I think most of “our” generation (I’ll label us the 27-34 year olds for arguments sake) has started to figure out that there should be a delicate balance of time spent absorbing the pretty colors of our phone with the amazing gift that is real life.


I find myself asking the question more and more as I dive back into the world of hospitality here in Charlotte. Naturally, we want to create an environment that is “worthy for the ‘gram” – but we must constantly tread with caution. An atmosphere dominated by those simply striving to be an influencer in a concept that will outdate itself in a matter of years… is not the one we will all remember years from now telling our kids about. 


Taking a simple picture or two to capture the moment can always be part of the overall experience (one that we can frame on the mantle, if you will), but we cannot allow ourselves to fall into the pit of misery that consists of the blurry, not useable, not “likeable” pictures that plummet peers into depression. An article that went viral a few weeks ago talked about how a couple nearly split up after their lengthy honeymoon, because – and it may sound insane, I know – the bride spent so much time trying to get the PERFECT pictures to commemorate their time in paradise that it drove a massive wedge between the two… which is the exact opposite of what that time is supposed to be.

Another article mentions the desire for someone to be a “phone check” at the door, collecting devices the same way we check our heavy coats in the winter. While we all shudder at the thought of being without our device for more than a few minutes at a time, I love the picture the author tried to paint. In reality, we should feel comfortable shedding that layer of ourselves while we immerse in the experience that we have chosen to pursue for the night (which hopefully includes a stop at our lovely establishment).

Perhaps we don’t need to check our phones – but we should at least check our selves. Ask yourself what you really want out of a night out on the town spending hard-earned time and money – don’t be afraid to put your phone on silent and in your pocket after taking a picture of that pretty cocktail you ordered.

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Let’s talk about something that sucks.

On a day where we celebrate the paternal figures in our lives, and the many ways in which they positively affect the quality of that life… some of us are facing an uphill battle. It isn’t always the most obvious thing, because this is the type of sensitive topic most would prefer to bury deep down in lieu of sharing it with anyone – even closest friends.

For some, the battle is coming to terms mentally/spiritually with the fact that we are not in control when it comes to the time and place we can become a parent. It tends to take two to tango in this equation, and there are certainly cases all around us of couples that have very different opinions than their partner on whether attempting to raise a child is what they’re called to do. While one would assume that the view on such a topic is something to be clarified early on in courtship, life circumstances and other mental barriers can absolutely interfere with two people openly sharing their dreams and desires. In several instances, this will result in the end of some relationships that no one could see coming from the outside – or at the very least, produce tension in a couple that is unexpected given how “perfect” everything tends to appear on social media.

In some instances, couples equally long for that responsibility in their life, but have to acknowledge a set order of preceding events (house buying, finances in order, engagement/marriage, etc.) before making a true attempt. Now, some will say that the social expectations have started to change – and that is usually in part to God gifting someone with a new life to care for sooner than the human “plan”/anticipation. While everyone should always respond lovingly and with care to those who find themselves in that type of spot, I think it’s safe to say that many still highly value following a more standard structure of building their family if given that option. Unfortunately, that process can take a substantial amount of time, and as strong as we like to think we all are – there are some who will break down along the way and need a helping hand to get through it.

For some, it may be a frustrating development to find out that conceiving a child is physically more difficult than what school taught you years ago. While you may long for that feeling of parenthood yourself, some bizarre medical reason may be standing in your way that causes you to question God’s will. Given the nature of these medical issues, it has often been society’s response to make those experiencing difficulty feel out of place, awkward, and sometimes even unwelcome in exchanges with those who have no issues conceiving. As a result, friends we never expected to see in a dark place all of a sudden seem distant, lost, and expressing emotion that we can’t relate to. In a time where communication seems abundant around us, it is this type of honest and open communication that becomes lost in translation – which society MUST admit is a problem needing to be addressed.

What is just as frustrating for those desperate for a family is having to go through the unbelievable barriers in place when trying to adopt a child. As a society, we tend to make the mountain of adoption not worth the climb for some couples – because the legal and financial gymnastics (among other things in the process) are too much for some to overcome. Though we have gratefully seen several success stories with friends in this realm, acknowledgement that they went through “hell and back” to make it happen can go a long way – and hugging/encouraging those who have faced the answer of “no” enough times to want to give up is just as much of a priority.

A final version of struggle that I think more people are familiar with (unfortunately) is witnessing/experiencing parental figures choose otherwise than to care for the children they chose to bring into this world. Neglect and abuse are much more visible signs of harm to a person’s wellbeing than what was mentioned previously, so society has been able to step in and address the needs of these families much faster over the years. Nevertheless, it is an avenue of misery for some… but also, I hope, an opportunity for those looking to share their love in a place they probably never thought they would look.

The TL:DR version of this? Be enormously grateful for what you have. That online post sharing pictures and talking about your parent should never replace an honest conversation in person/over the phone with them about how much they truly mean to you. Most importantly, at least with what I’ve mentioned today… always be checking in on your friends and loved ones. They may not feel comfortable sharing their battle with you at first, but reminding them that they are loved and appreciated will always help right the ship.

Love you guys.

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Be kind to your mind.

We put our thoughts and feelings through so much crap. The platforms we browse on a daily basis fill these voids where natural interactions are supposed to take place – and subconsciously, often change our perception in many situations. Society has changed so drastically since we were kids that we struggle to recognize day-to-day life the same way other generations have – and even fail to relate to our peers at times because things have become so complex.

This month our world focuses on mental health, but we all know that the conversation around that topic should be something that gets addressed on a constant basis. Though it seems like those around us have started to embrace individuals who open up about their troubles, they are just as quick to mention “he/she didn’t seem quite right” as a problem occurs – and yet do nothing about that suspicion of theirs when the time is right.

Having faced the consequences of burying a lot of negative emotion and energy in the past myself, I can’t stress enough the value of searching for and finding an unbiased resource to share your frustrations with. It may seem awkward at first, and it will likely require overcoming the instinct to hold back the personal crosses we bear yet don’t feel like other people should ever know about.

Don’t be afraid of the suggested courses of action. I was – because for the longest time, I would always put others first and take whatever pain/debt/loss was involved as playing my part. Anyone proposing the idea of a medication or different routine for approaching these situations received a “stay in your own lane” response from me for years. After opening up to a couple new options, I can gladly say that several of those daily issues can be put behind me with the right action plan.

Love yourself. Always. Have the courage to tell that boss or teacher that you need the necessary time away from a responsibility so you can properly focus on you – whether it be mental, spiritual, physical, or maybe a combination of all the above. Feel the relief that comes from opening up about things that have been kept wrapped up under the blanket on the couch for so long. You’ll thank me later.

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Who Is Your D-Wade?

This question has been repeating itself over the last 24 hours as I watch the Budweiser tribute to the basketball legend who is hanging it up after this season. Some content mastermind, who clearly appreciates the person Dwayne has been off the court throughout his life, came up with an idea for a video that should really ask that question in each of us. Who is it that continues to inspire/motivate us day in and day out?

For myself, I feel like there are several people who can fit that narrative – for a variety of reasons. In this section, I’ll start with my parents… for it continues to blow my mind how much vision they had to move our family when the opportunities presented themselves. Keep in mind – I was born in Flint, Michigan. In present day Flint, an actual city in the United States with tens of thousands of people… the water isn’t safe to drink. The government uses this town in headlines merely for political influence, rather than trying to actually help the people that so desperately need their leadership. The military uses many abandoned properties in town for target practice, because they see an opportunity of their own in what can sometimes look like a wasteland. Now, in no way am I trying to say that my parents were able to foresee the future… but they didn’t feel like they were called to be there for the long term. I can’t help but be thankful that my family was led through prayer all the way to where we are now.

After growing up as a small child in the Ohio Valley, they let me know that my teenage years would be spent in North Carolina… as they felt the Lord leading them somewhere that had more promise of nice weather, work to pursue, you name it. As a kid, I was SO bummed – why on earth would they want to move us far away from extended family and all my friends after we had gotten into such a nice groove along the Ohio River? …fast forward several years, and I turned to my dad as a college graduate thanking him for taking that risk (without having finalizing a job at the time), because I had found out that our old hometown has been the scene of some of the biggest drug busts in the country… and that most of the people involved were my age. Talk about a rush of gratitude as I started my professional career in the always growing city I have recently started calling home again – Charlotte.

In a manner of speaking, this is comparing apples and oranges. D-Wade has had a lucrative career and managed to be a source of motivation to us all by putting a lot of his income back to the community that raised him up. As much as he may have liked to pursue that dream, my dad kept his incredible tennis talents as a hobby throughout the years as he sought his real dream of being someone to listen and counsel his local community through all kinds of frustrations and disappointments, in hopes of lifting them up to better places in life. My mom was on a fast track to upper management with General Motors, but felt called to teach what she knew to a family she hoped to be blessed with – and through all of that, she has seven children that may not enjoy math as much as she does… but that are incredibly blessed and talented in many other ways.

I suppose this small story is simply trying to say: who motivates you by the choices they’ve made through life, or how they’ve responded to the curveballs consistently being thrown their way? Too often, it seems that we are only taking the opportunity to look at stories of motivation and influence *after* the fact – when someone retires or passes away. A small goal of mine is to change that narrative by constantly sharing content of inspiring stories that are active in our world, in hopes we can jump on the train while they’re still moving and play our own part accordingly.

For starters, check out Kyle Korver’s article titled “Privileged” – a powerful commentary on something completely different in professional basketball that no one likes to talk about. Then read up on Jesse Cole, who was just mentioned in Forbes for his powerful authenticity and what it can mean to your work and purpose. Hit me up to grab a drink sometime, and let’s talk about these more important things in life – or if you’re a friend I’ve made along my travels in the past few years, I’m always up my favorite way to spend a night off: a laugh via FaceTime.

Keep your smile and story infectious as always.

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Home

  • February 26, 2019February 26, 2019
  • by Ben Torres

People love to ask the question… where is home these days? Where do you call home? We seem to develop the notion that one’s home defines a lot more about the person than what ends up being the case. “Oh, so you’re a Yankee…” “Oh, so you’re from the South…”

Will everyone stop and admit that 95% of the stereotypes that we try to associate with these hometowns are absolute nonsense? I can say without a doubt that there are THOUSANDS of people from the “Bible Belt” who tend to be downright crude and inhospitable, just as there are THOUSANDS of people from the North who actually have souls and give a crap about others and their well-being.

Don’t let where you were born or raised define you – this isn’t the early 20th century, and even the grandparents that are still walking among us seem to have embraced change when you ask them. Whenever I get asked these questions, so those unfamiliar with my background can find a way to put Ben in their own “boxes of understanding”… I simply start telling my story, whether they like it or not.

I was born in Flint, Michigan. Yes, that Flint – the town devastated by tragedy that our corrupt political system chooses to make their playing card as it suits them, only to abandon its residents at the end of a campaign instead of actually helping them. My mother was working as an electrical engineer for General Motors at the time – because after all, that was the definition of a successful person who had graduated from college in the Midwest in the 80’s.

My early years were then spent in the Ohio Valley – the Ohio side of the West Virginia panhandle, to be more precise. I started working at the ripe age of 9, taking on a paper route to make enough money to buy my own bike – and even chip in on an actual piano once my skill set was developed enough to graduate from a small keyboard. My mom’s extended family and friends raised me in the tradition of Pittsburgh sports (after all, it was the closest big city), and my claim to that fandom still seems to haunt several of my friends from other parts of the world to this very day.

The family moved to North Carolina when I was in middle school… and I learned the hard way about starting over with friends and life in the midst of puberty. Though NC has now been my place of residence for longer than any other state (not to mention where I went to college and launched my professional career)… it is hard to imagine me saying that this one place alone constitutes my “home”. After all, the last 4 years of my life were spent downing queso in Austin and taking in late nights on the water in Boston – complete opposite environments from anything I had ever known up to this point.

At the end of it all… I just hope that you strive to let your personality, accomplishments, desires, and dreams define who you are – not where you have your mail sent to. As you will find out, the more you explore and the more you converse – you have a lot more in common with the person across the table from you, no matter what impression may have led you otherwise.

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God’s Plan.

  • February 12, 2019February 12, 2019
  • by Ben Torres

No, not the catchy song Drake put together with a few of his friends. Yes, that line any parent or mentor has used during your adolescence to try and explain why something bad happened to you (cue the part where Mom doesn’t understand what I mean when I tell her that I only love my bed and her and I’m sorry).

Not gonna lie, the concept has both relaxed my fears and also catapulted them to the moon over the years. I was blessed, as we all were, with free will – and yet, I am supposed to confide my trust in a divine intention that I may not even be aware of yet? Usually, my battle with this course of action leaves me cussing out my guardian angel (and anyone else who has to put up listening to me vent) wondering where I went wrong this time.

When I was a senior in HS, I applied immediately to the one school I wanted to attend – Franciscan. My parents went there, I grew up around there, in my mind it was meant to be. Long story short, God absolutely intervened with that idea when I found myself on the phone with the Dean a few months later, because my application had somehow gotten lost in the mix – and they had now accepted too many out of state students for the coming year. Without God’s Plan, I would never have experienced the incredible four years that I had at Belmont Abbey, and for this I am eternally grateful.

As I prepared to graduate college, I did the typical cradle Catholic thing and immediately pondered the idea of saving up for a ring for the girl I had dated throughout undergrad. After all, that was the end game… wasn’t it? The quest for finding love while in school, then getting married and having a few little ones while a career is established? This time, God’s Plan rocked my world in a way I didn’t understand. How could the end result of this be feeling absolutely heartbroken and alone a couple months later, with no real backup plan after putting all my eggs in that basket? Yet once more, without this sequence of events… I wouldn’t know any of the incredible people I met while starting my career in Charlotte, who have influenced much of who I am today.

The latest one… had enough challenges to last a lifetime. No one really learns about the annulment process when you’re raised in the Church, because you rightfully would assume that you shouldn’t need to. However, when it becomes clear that you married the wrong person and that the misunderstanding of what that relationship entailed is too much to overcome, you find yourself meeting with people you don’t know well who now have to pry into every detail of your life in order to properly determine if your marriage was ever valid in the first place. Coming to the realization that something you believed was sacramental really wasn’t… may be the toughest pill to swallow, especially when you have invested all of your time and love into it over the years.

So… yeah. Heavenly Father, these have been incredible tests of my patience, forgiveness, mercy… you name it, I likely believe there isn’t much of it left. I am thankful every day for the opportunities I am given to grow in virtue, and just as often I must remind myself that the journey is just beginning – there are likely several obstacles still waiting for me. It is a gift to have this time to re-discern (not sure if that’s actually a term, but let’s roll with it) what I should be doing with my life in every personal or professional avenue.

Consider a human creation for a moment, The Adjustment Bureau. One of my favorite movies – a plot completely surrounded by a higher power dictating what should and should not happen to each of us. Matt Damon plays this good-hearted fella who simply believes that it is his destiny to be with the woman who captured his heart… no matter what these angels/agents/whoever they say they are think and read in their book. The writers of this movie seem determined to explain to us that human hope can overcome ANYTHING – and in a sense, I believe them. When combined with the greatness and holiness we have been called to, our hope and sacrifice can be resilient against even the strongest forces this world has to offer us.

In conclusion, we should slightly modify the quote of encouragement “let no one stand in your way” that we look to for some motivation, because it is missing the inclusion of a key partner of the journey. Make sure your communication with the Man upstairs remains strong at all times, so that His will can positively impact your efforts in ways you never before thought possible. Trust me – from experience, it is remarkably easier when He is by your side than when He stands in your way.

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The Dating World

  • February 12, 2019February 12, 2019
  • by Ben Torres

Well, I don’t think many expect me to comment on this topic given my colorful history – but it seems to be an area that so many friends still struggle with, so perhaps some additional commentary may be helpful after all (at least, maybe some peace of mind). I will preface this by thanking all those who have been praying for me over the last couple of years – for if you have not heard, my request for an annulment was affirmed, allowing me to truly focus on putting the past where it belongs and moving forward with the new chapters of my life.

As I sit here typing, my significant other and her close friends are watching the latest season of Chris Harrison playing Matchmaker… or more affectionately known, the Bachelor. For as much as everyone vents about drama in relationships today and individuals “talking” to several others at the same time – everyone also LOVES watching it play out on TV as poor souls sign up to put their misery on display for millions to watch. I’m not sure what could be more damaging to a person’s morale: having all of your closet skeletons come out while running for political office, or having someone “break up” with you after a few weeks of condensed conversations on television for all to see.

If you’re having a difficult time dating, my opinion/advice is extremely simple: never be afraid to be yourself. As I found myself back in the awful world of trying to find the “right” one in 2017, I bounced from app to app that friends would suggest, spending way too much money out in the popular Boston bars, trying to pretend that my situation was better than it was… you name it. Now, if your goal is short term hangouts that end up in awkward ghosting or uneasy encounters – apps and nightlife are the way to go. You will end up increasingly unsatisfied as you try to continue getting over your last relationship, and put yourself in unwanted circumstances with new people that won’t get you anywhere.

As a year of those trials concluded, I committed to myself that it was time to focus on me first rather than what I could find in the world out there. It was time to truly focus on what I still needed to work through from the past, and let God’s plan play out without me trying to interfere. I became a pretty solid third wheel for others, because I honestly wanted to enjoy other people’s company and friendships rather than focusing on the endgame – because I acknowledged that it needed to come naturally. Crazily enough, the year finished by me meeting someone who didn’t even live in the same state that I did (at a time when I didn’t have an intention on meeting anyone)… and over a year later, I’m now back down south to try and see where this can go living in the same area.

We are all in this together – so don’t be afraid to reach out if you ever need someone to bounce ideas off or simply listen. Just because close friends are where you thought you’d be at this age, with a spouse and a couple kids and the house and the job… remember that His plan is much more rewarding and promising than anything we can dream up in our limited peripheral. Double down on who you truly are, with the incredible gifts and talents you have, and show the world what you’re made of – the right person will fall for it, when you least expect it.

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The bad word: politics.

Everyone seems a little too interested these days in knowing exactly what each of us believes when it comes to the issues the media is determined to have us care about.

As more content is brought to this platform, I simply ask that you keep this in mind before jumping down my throat about something that was said – my belief is simple: the two-party system is failing us in the United States. It is up to the younger generations to prove that point, and establish a different option of value to those we care about. Therefore, my comments and criticisms often tend to involve all sides of a debate – because more often than not, I find myself in the middle asking everyone “Where Is The Love?” like my crew BEP did back in the day.

At the end of it all, I want what I say to come across with how I feel – that with enough love and self-sacrifice, we can restore hope to every part of this current situation that makes most of us unable to sleep at night.

Don’t forget, as my Nana often reminds us… if there isn’t anything nice to say, you probably should keep your mouth shut.

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Society is depressed.

A Star Is Born is depressing as can be. A horrifyingly beautiful modern translation of “Walk the Line” – Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga ace their performances… and people walk away dumbfounded at the way the story ends. Is it really a surprise to you that for once, a Hollywood story doesn’t end in love happy ever after the way Walt Disney taught us growing up?

We, as a society, seem to be stuck on this idea of “wow… this definitely ain’t it chief” without a real suggestion on what the solution to the problem should be. Take mental health, for example. Everyone seems to agree that taking one’s own life is out of the question – but is there really a legitimate path for those who have reached that level of exhaustion? One that gets promoted in the right way, anyway? 

Oh yeah, Logic wrote this song that was on the charts for forever because it made everyone feel good. Know what else happens in music? We continue to “honor” those who have passed by constantly cherishing their memory when we pull up their playlists. Imagine being a musician who reaches the conclusion that “at least they’ll remember me in this way” – and that sound more appealing than continuing to live on and create more incredible memories for years to come.

Not saying I have an answer to any of this, just merely suggesting that we as humanity talk about it more openly rather than brush it under the rug as previous generations have done.