Uncategorized

Different types of pain – and why their acknowledgement…

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who have PTSD years later – from being the one who found a loved one dead by suicide – from trying to save someone close who ended up drowning – from witnessing a grotesque and fatal car accident involving someone they knew.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who are grieving – from having a pregnancy end in one of the worst ways imaginable – from losing someone to a brutal terminal illness no one anticipated – from having someone they trusted more than anyone else abandon them.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who are terrified of making a major change in their life – because of the retaliation (physical, emotional, or otherwise) they fear will result, that they will make an even bigger mistake by not committing to the change, and that doing nothing will haunt their thoughts the rest of their days.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who hide it the best they can – but are nearing a literal point of drowning when it comes to debt and finances – who see every possible avenue as one that digs them a deeper hole – who have exhausted their resources to keep things afloat this long, and who will start resorting to crime

None of these should be measured on a scale as one being worse than another – currently, many of these folks are holding back from sharing about their experiences because they think others won’t understand, or that they will be looked at differently for sharing, or even worse – because they doubt the efforts of anyone else would help the cause. As you try to identify a way for you to help a loved one, remember to be empathetic – make sure to acknowledge that everyone’s struggles are valid and are not to be compared or judged.

For our society to stand any chance at restoring some common decency and core values among ourselves, we have to be willing to commit to a few steps that may sound simple – but they’re not, and they could mean the difference in helping remind those around us that they are loved and appreciated. Sometimes they will simply need someone to listen, sometimes they will need someone to respond and provide suggestions on what to do. Get comfortable with the difference, don’t be afraid to be honest if the problem is in an area outside of your network / expertise, and offer to at least guide them in the right direction now that they’ve taken a great first step in being willing to talk to you about it.

We might not have the ability to solve all of the world’s problems individually – but there are a lot of individual efforts we can each take on to get some base hits for our team in this game called life. Just remember, if you find yourself asking if you are a “good enough” parent / sibling / coworker / teammate / friend – only the good ones keep asking that question.

Uncategorized

Men Are Broken.

There is no denying it at this point – we all have men in our network of friends, peers, and families that are struggling with major life issues… and more often than not, they are hesitant to share that struggle with anyone out of fear of being shamed, ridiculed, bullied, or simply more isolated than they already feel.

There are men I have spoken to in the last year that have turned to disastrous choices, including some choosing to make attempts on their own lives. Some have reached that decision due to unfathomable tragedies that have occurred in their lives (loss of family members, loss of work they held dear, pain caused by words/action of themselves or others that caused strife), others feel they have no other choice when they are constantly surrounded by negativity with no positive outlook to turn to. I am sick to my stomach hearing about suicide becoming as prevalent as it is in our society in this moment, and am determined to find something that can be done about it.

I am no counselor – that’s my dad’s professional line of work – however, I am beyond empathetic to a fault, and will hear out anyone who needs someone in that capacity. I’m not writing these things down to suggest I have any of the answers either; rather, I want to make sure that I take the time to tell those around me that you are not alone in your battle. It might feel like no one else can relate to what you’re going through, and you need to know that feeling is some form of evil at work – because most of us can relate to these situations, whether we admit it publicly or not.

Please help me destroy the assumptions / stereotypes that men have to constantly be strong, because the truth is that we all need moments and spaces where we can be vulnerable in order to process the amount of chaos in our daily lives. If everyone operated under the premise that each and every human occasionally needs that support system (or sometimes, just a little time away from the distractions and obligations to reset), our culture would be nowhere near as toxic as it feels it is today.

As my new pin I found on the interwebs reminds me, it’s okay for your serotonin to be store bought. It’s alright to admit that you aren’t capable of handling a task or assignment some days, and to ask for someone else to own the task while you sort things out on a personal level. What should not be acceptable is keeping these thoughts and feelings to yourself, as well as thinking that just because one therapist or pill didn’t help the situation doesn’t mean A) you yourself are helpless and B) that giving up is the only option left. We are truly all in this together.

Uncategorized

Be kind to your mind.

We put our thoughts and feelings through so much crap. The platforms we browse on a daily basis fill these voids where natural interactions are supposed to take place – and subconsciously, often change our perception in many situations. Society has changed so drastically since we were kids that we struggle to recognize day-to-day life the same way other generations have – and even fail to relate to our peers at times because things have become so complex.

This month our world focuses on mental health, but we all know that the conversation around that topic should be something that gets addressed on a constant basis. Though it seems like those around us have started to embrace individuals who open up about their troubles, they are just as quick to mention “he/she didn’t seem quite right” as a problem occurs – and yet do nothing about that suspicion of theirs when the time is right.

Having faced the consequences of burying a lot of negative emotion and energy in the past myself, I can’t stress enough the value of searching for and finding an unbiased resource to share your frustrations with. It may seem awkward at first, and it will likely require overcoming the instinct to hold back the personal crosses we bear yet don’t feel like other people should ever know about.

Don’t be afraid of the suggested courses of action. I was – because for the longest time, I would always put others first and take whatever pain/debt/loss was involved as playing my part. Anyone proposing the idea of a medication or different routine for approaching these situations received a “stay in your own lane” response from me for years. After opening up to a couple new options, I can gladly say that several of those daily issues can be put behind me with the right action plan.

Love yourself. Always. Have the courage to tell that boss or teacher that you need the necessary time away from a responsibility so you can properly focus on you – whether it be mental, spiritual, physical, or maybe a combination of all the above. Feel the relief that comes from opening up about things that have been kept wrapped up under the blanket on the couch for so long. You’ll thank me later.

Uncategorized

Society is depressed.

A Star Is Born is depressing as can be. A horrifyingly beautiful modern translation of “Walk the Line” – Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga ace their performances… and people walk away dumbfounded at the way the story ends. Is it really a surprise to you that for once, a Hollywood story doesn’t end in love happy ever after the way Walt Disney taught us growing up?

We, as a society, seem to be stuck on this idea of “wow… this definitely ain’t it chief” without a real suggestion on what the solution to the problem should be. Take mental health, for example. Everyone seems to agree that taking one’s own life is out of the question – but is there really a legitimate path for those who have reached that level of exhaustion? One that gets promoted in the right way, anyway? 

Oh yeah, Logic wrote this song that was on the charts for forever because it made everyone feel good. Know what else happens in music? We continue to “honor” those who have passed by constantly cherishing their memory when we pull up their playlists. Imagine being a musician who reaches the conclusion that “at least they’ll remember me in this way” – and that sound more appealing than continuing to live on and create more incredible memories for years to come.

Not saying I have an answer to any of this, just merely suggesting that we as humanity talk about it more openly rather than brush it under the rug as previous generations have done.