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The trials of being a decent person.

Friends, it’s been a while. I felt compelled to write to you today after seeing various reactions to the jury verdict that was reached this week. I put these words down out of love, out of hope for our future, and what we are capable of accomplishing together.

First and foremost, we are human beings. It is in our nature to make mistakes, and it is also in our nature to learn from them. What we have been witnessing over the past year are groups of our fellow brothers and sisters struggling and reaching out for help. Whether you or I have been actively involved in incidents that have led us to this point is somewhat irrelevant – I merely hope that we all recognize the opportunity at hand to play our part in making our communities safer for everyone who resides in them.

This week, a group of our peers met together and determined that what one man did to another was wrong and that justice needed to be rendered in the form of punishment. I know everyone wants to play conspiracy theorist and find ways to clickbait others into believing some particular aspect of this incident to draw more lines in the sand, but enough is enough. We owe it to ourselves as human beings first and foremost to look out for each other – and in this circumstance, it requires a look in the mirror to examine how we can conduct ourselves so that we don’t give the news outlets any more reasons to throw these types of once-in-a-lifetime circumstances in our faces once more.

Love your neighbor. Jesus made it so simple, yet we find it to be the most troubling part of our time on Earth. It DOES NOT MATTER if this neighbor has a drug problem, has a mental health problem, bullied you in the past, whatever it might have been – love. your. neighbor. We have been conditioned to believe that this is a “gray” area based off what others tell us, but it doesn’t change the fact that we need to put preconceived notions aside when it comes to treating our fellow humans with dignity and respect.

This is not a conservative, moderate, or liberal position. As a simple man, I implor you to walk the walk when it comes to taking up a cross and remembering that only those without sin cast the first stone. Let us encourage each other to look straight through to the heart of someone we interact with – no matter skin tone, how they vote, and what pains may have been caused in the past.

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The complex question of existence.

My grandmother had a comment the other day, as Chelsea and I drove up to visit with her, that caught me completely off guard. “Do you ever have that feeling – it comes and goes – when you start to wonder if you truly exist in this moment?” She then followed up the statement by paying me an incredible compliment, stating that by listening to my recording that I sent her of me playing the piano that she felt reminded that she most certainly exists – and in the best way possible.

On one hand, it scared the crap out of me. I never want my Nana to feel like that, and I want to do everything in my power to make her feel loved, appreciated, empowered – anything to help her feel like she does exist in this present moment (rather than the past that we enjoy reflecting on). In undergrad, most of us go through the core course that has us reflect on “I think, therefore I am” (Descartes) – but we often don’t take the time to truly ponder philosophical battles internally as the years go by faster and faster.

On the other hand, she was able to put into different words what some of us with mental health battles can often not describe to our therapists and doctors. There are indeed times in our lives when – even for a mere few minutes in the afternoon – there is some imbalance (call it chemical, emotional, spiritual) when we feel like we are simply observing life happening all around us, rather than being active participants. This may not actually be a lack of “existence” per se, but with word association you can quickly reach a more precise definition of the feeling – that sometimes, we feel like we don’t matter, that what we do with our day may not impact others at all. Thankfully, there are many opportunities to course correct ourselves into understanding the vast opportunities we have at our disposal on a daily basis… but it doesn’t negate the fact that the feeling will persist.

It would seem that the older generations have struggled with this pandemic and the mental struggles that result in a completely different way than most, in part because they have been so accustomed to frequent interactions with their children / grandkids / extended family that have either been in new formats (i.e. Zoom/video) or simply nonexistent if they struggle to figure out how to utilize the technology we “youngins” rely on so easily to get us through periods of quarantine and/or isolation. Since our society continues to move away from old school letters in the mail and other traditional ways of reminding our older family members how much we love them… it is up to us to step up and find new ways to incorporate their presence / existence into our daily lives.

I guess the point of this rambling today is… check in with all of your loved ones, family and those who feel like family. Remind them in creative ways that you appreciate them – for me, it was discovering that a simple YouTube link with some of my favorite songs I have learned over the years would put the biggest smile on her face.

The link to one of those is below.

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Full of gratitude.

Just wanted to take a minute to thank each and every one of you who have been an influence and inspiration to get where we are today.

To Vera, Kendall, Brianna, Adam, Kevin, and so many more – for being some of the first phone calls and conversations to remind me that there is a light at the end of it all (even if we hadn’t caught up in a while), and to keep striving to live the good life and let blessings come when they’re supposed to. We have all crossed paths in very unique ways as our lives go on, and I hope we continue to make the most of any time together we can in the future.

To Matt, John, Brett, Laura, Brian, Sam, and others – for being the shoulders to lean on when I needed to vent, for being the beacons of honesty to hold me accountable and help prove to myself that I am capable of overcoming any obstacle being thrown my way. Hard conversations were had, and they served an incredible purpose to remind each of us why we are here and what we are meant to pursue.

To Jared, Charlie, Jesse, Kevin, Matt, Reed, Jay, and all the new friends that were made along the way as part of the healing process – your friendships and time spent are treasured by me more than you can possibly imagine. Some of the most lonely of nights and weekends were quickly changed around by random texts to go on adventures and jumpstart that switch in me that needed to be brought back to life.

To Abbot Placid, Jen, Cory, Noah, Whitney, Thom, Randy, Lino, and all those who had their own special ways of keeping my faith as strong as ever, and finding amazing opportunities for it to grow even in circumstances that were less than ideal. The benefit of the one true faith being universal is that I have always felt right at home no matter where I ended up going for Mass, praise and worship, adoration, or simply a strong message on the radio as I finished my long drive home from work.

To my family – for never stopping believing in me, for always being just a call away (even if I was living an entire day’s drive away), and always keeping me in thought and prayer as I trudged through the chaos of the last few years. Words cannot properly express how much you all mean to me, and I hope you know that. It means the world to be living close to everyone again, especially as our big family continues to get even bigger.

Most of all, to Chelsea – for being an absolute rock for me to depend on when I needed it the most, for being someone whose love I never thought I was deserving of, for being the perfect piece to my bizarre puzzle of life to make it complete. A week and a half later, I still can’t believe that I found my very own Disney princess to love and cherish for the rest of my life.

2020 may have tried to get in everyone’s way with what plans had been made, but I couldn’t be happier with how we were able to stick it do COVID-19 and still pull off the unthinkable – a perfect wedding on 7/11. It ended up being a day where the thought of a pandemic was the last thing on people’s minds, and it was an incredible celebration of friendship, family, and sacrament that we will cherish for the rest of our lives. To everyone who made it possible – I can’t thank you enough, and look forward to the opportunities ahead to return the favor tenfold.

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God’s Plan.

  • February 12, 2019February 12, 2019
  • by Ben Torres

No, not the catchy song Drake put together with a few of his friends. Yes, that line any parent or mentor has used during your adolescence to try and explain why something bad happened to you (cue the part where Mom doesn’t understand what I mean when I tell her that I only love my bed and her and I’m sorry).

Not gonna lie, the concept has both relaxed my fears and also catapulted them to the moon over the years. I was blessed, as we all were, with free will – and yet, I am supposed to confide my trust in a divine intention that I may not even be aware of yet? Usually, my battle with this course of action leaves me cussing out my guardian angel (and anyone else who has to put up listening to me vent) wondering where I went wrong this time.

When I was a senior in HS, I applied immediately to the one school I wanted to attend – Franciscan. My parents went there, I grew up around there, in my mind it was meant to be. Long story short, God absolutely intervened with that idea when I found myself on the phone with the Dean a few months later, because my application had somehow gotten lost in the mix – and they had now accepted too many out of state students for the coming year. Without God’s Plan, I would never have experienced the incredible four years that I had at Belmont Abbey, and for this I am eternally grateful.

As I prepared to graduate college, I did the typical cradle Catholic thing and immediately pondered the idea of saving up for a ring for the girl I had dated throughout undergrad. After all, that was the end game… wasn’t it? The quest for finding love while in school, then getting married and having a few little ones while a career is established? This time, God’s Plan rocked my world in a way I didn’t understand. How could the end result of this be feeling absolutely heartbroken and alone a couple months later, with no real backup plan after putting all my eggs in that basket? Yet once more, without this sequence of events… I wouldn’t know any of the incredible people I met while starting my career in Charlotte, who have influenced much of who I am today.

The latest one… had enough challenges to last a lifetime. No one really learns about the annulment process when you’re raised in the Church, because you rightfully would assume that you shouldn’t need to. However, when it becomes clear that you married the wrong person and that the misunderstanding of what that relationship entailed is too much to overcome, you find yourself meeting with people you don’t know well who now have to pry into every detail of your life in order to properly determine if your marriage was ever valid in the first place. Coming to the realization that something you believed was sacramental really wasn’t… may be the toughest pill to swallow, especially when you have invested all of your time and love into it over the years.

So… yeah. Heavenly Father, these have been incredible tests of my patience, forgiveness, mercy… you name it, I likely believe there isn’t much of it left. I am thankful every day for the opportunities I am given to grow in virtue, and just as often I must remind myself that the journey is just beginning – there are likely several obstacles still waiting for me. It is a gift to have this time to re-discern (not sure if that’s actually a term, but let’s roll with it) what I should be doing with my life in every personal or professional avenue.

Consider a human creation for a moment, The Adjustment Bureau. One of my favorite movies – a plot completely surrounded by a higher power dictating what should and should not happen to each of us. Matt Damon plays this good-hearted fella who simply believes that it is his destiny to be with the woman who captured his heart… no matter what these angels/agents/whoever they say they are think and read in their book. The writers of this movie seem determined to explain to us that human hope can overcome ANYTHING – and in a sense, I believe them. When combined with the greatness and holiness we have been called to, our hope and sacrifice can be resilient against even the strongest forces this world has to offer us.

In conclusion, we should slightly modify the quote of encouragement “let no one stand in your way” that we look to for some motivation, because it is missing the inclusion of a key partner of the journey. Make sure your communication with the Man upstairs remains strong at all times, so that His will can positively impact your efforts in ways you never before thought possible. Trust me – from experience, it is remarkably easier when He is by your side than when He stands in your way.