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Finding happiness.

I was blown away the other day when an old friend came up and told me point blank “the way you write is so real – I can actually relate to it, compared to everything else I find online.”

I felt that compliment – in a major way. Something has been a massive cloud of writer’s block over my head lately, and I felt like sharing about it may do some good for everyone… and might just get me out of this writing funk.

My younger brother (though his beard would imply otherwise) suggested the other day that I write something about the concept of happiness. It certainly seems to be a state of mind that we all have trouble consistently reaching these days – with the world at our fingertips, how is that possible? Some people may try to imply that with all the self-help and motivational resources out there… that there isn’t any excuse to not be all smiles each day.

Some days, it is crippling debt holding us back from what we deem necessary for us to be content. Other days, there are difficult memories of past experiences getting in the way of the pursuit of new ones. For each of us, the walk towards peace and joy is a tumultuous one… even after setting positive intentions for the day, starting out with stretching and breathing exercises, and eating healthy (or binge eating a craving).

I have to admit, being diagnosed with depression a year and a half ago was one of the most powerful starts to a chapter of life yet. It required me finally admitting that whatever was going on internally, that it might be somewhat beyond my control to resolve. As a passionately optimistic person for most of my life, facing this was not on the top of the priority list. However, as it started to interfere with my ability to perform at work and affect my interactions with friends and family… I realized that I was willing to do whatever it would take to find that “normal” abundance of positivity once again.

God has blessed me with great health for most of my life, so the first obstacle to overcome? Taking a daily antidepressant. It may sound simple, but I’ve never had to take anything more than antibiotics for a few days to reset the system. It wasn’t that simple either, because I now had to explore this world of side effects that then forced me to be continuously open and share with doctors when some effects (cue anxiety, irritability) were not worth staying on certain meds.

I spent a ton money on both therapy and coaching – therapy to focus on the grieving of a past relationship that I apparently never finished (and was revisiting while going through the process of an annulment) and coaching to tackle my daily routine as I worked on becoming my best self with each task and discipline. Several months of constant self-evaluation may not sound enjoyable to most, but becoming more transparent with unbiased third parties about what’s happening turned into a form of clarity I never knew I misplaced along the way.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this – for those feeling like you’re in a rut, any combination of these things may be the way to go. It requires the ability to be honest with yourself, the willingness to suck it up (difficult conversations, revisiting hurtful memories, etc.) and spending a LOT of energy/time/resources along the way. 

That being said – it is worth every penny and every second to feel like you are well on your way to becoming your normal self once more. Nothing is perfect, and you shouldn’t let social media or any other exposure to someone’s life imply that – but to be heading a direction with true purpose and intent along with the encouragement and support of several around you? That’s a genuine recipe for trying to find happiness.

I wish you all nothing but the best in the pursuit of being happy with each day we have.

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It might not make sense right now…

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” – Hippocrates

The recurring theme surrounding the past couple years for our generation is acknowledging that life is MUCH harder than what the movies and TV shows of old made it out to be. Often times, we won’t be able to mentally put together how things landed where they did – and when we try, it can often be looked at as a failure rather than a tough lesson taught on the way to the real success we had in mind. 


Take careers, for instance. Many parents and mentors of ours spent their entire adult lives with the same company, working their way up to the top – and as our peers demonstrate, that certainty doesn’t mean much to the majority of us craving adventure and something new with every page we turn and post we share. Friends often laugh when they talk about my work history, because to anyone over the age of 40 the thought of changing industries, let alone companies, over the span of a few years terrifies certain personality types. However, these ventures have created chapters in my book of life I never thought possible – and even just this weekend, I managed to apply something I learned from an area completely unrelated to hospitality to the newest challenge at hand in an effort to grow our business in a new way.


Relationships, this one is clear – no one sees coming.the damage that we get dealt, and sometimes even deal ourselves. Sure, there are some couples that have fairy tale stories come true of finding their better half in high school and miraculously finding ways to rekindle that love throughout the years. For the rest of us, we cling to song lyrics that explain how our future significant other will get a heart that has been through absolute hell, one that may have been broken in several places but eventually figured out a way to heal. That is, if we manage to work ourselves up to the task of committing to someone once more after the amount of pain we have gone through in the past. Even then, requiring that we manage to survive the current dating culture of swiping right before a proper introduction and hoping we don’t get “ghosted” in the process… or even end up doing the ghosting ourselves after a few dates lacking the “thing” you were hoping to find amidst that time spent together.


Through all of the hardships we endure and put others through, the one piece of the puzzle that stands out in resolution is the ability to show grace and compassion in a moment when others may find it rather non-self serving at a time when the status quo calls for the opposite. A little over two years ago, I was blown away at the message I received from an old friend, who told me that she decided to double down and take a serious look at her faith once more – because of the example I showed her by clinging to my own faith in moments where others would undoubtedly choose selfishness, anger, and resentment as an appropriate response. The odd thing to me was that I couldn’t make sense of it – in my mind, I was simply trying to do what I thought best in a hellish situation… bearing a cross, if you will, so that others didn’t have to hold that weight on their shoulders as lives were being completely upended.


Through all of the self-help books, talks, medications – we have to realize that there is no “perfect” way to bounce back from the hardships we encounter. However, there is clearly something to be said for finding a way to open up about the frustration (writing music, blogging, even calling up an old friend) and the relief that comes from pressing Send to put it out there for whoever may also be able to relate and appreciate. Keeping things deep in our hearts only postpones the inevitable outbursts and breakdowns that truly need to take place in order to move on and build something even better for yourself. Whether it be a gym routine, therapy sessions, time on retreat – pursue what you know to be good for your soul, and don’t let any of the ridiculous distractions of our society stand in your way. 


The one thing I wish I could say to myself throughout the last few years is simply this: It might not make sense now, but it will. I promise it will.