Finding happiness.

I was blown away the other day when an old friend came up and told me point blank “the way you write is so real – I can actually relate to it, compared to everything else I find online.”

I felt that compliment – in a major way. Something has been a massive cloud of writer’s block over my head lately, and I felt like sharing about it may do some good for everyone… and might just get me out of this writing funk.

My younger brother (though his beard would imply otherwise) suggested the other day that I write something about the concept of happiness. It certainly seems to be a state of mind that we all have trouble consistently reaching these days – with the world at our fingertips, how is that possible? Some people may try to imply that with all the self-help and motivational resources out there… that there isn’t any excuse to not be all smiles each day.

Some days, it is crippling debt holding us back from what we deem necessary for us to be content. Other days, there are difficult memories of past experiences getting in the way of the pursuit of new ones. For each of us, the walk towards peace and joy is a tumultuous one… even after setting positive intentions for the day, starting out with stretching and breathing exercises, and eating healthy (or binge eating a craving).

I have to admit, being diagnosed with depression a year and a half ago was one of the most powerful starts to a chapter of life yet. It required me finally admitting that whatever was going on internally, that it might be somewhat beyond my control to resolve. As a passionately optimistic person for most of my life, facing this was not on the top of the priority list. However, as it started to interfere with my ability to perform at work and affect my interactions with friends and family… I realized that I was willing to do whatever it would take to find that “normal” abundance of positivity once again.

God has blessed me with great health for most of my life, so the first obstacle to overcome? Taking a daily antidepressant. It may sound simple, but I’ve never had to take anything more than antibiotics for a few days to reset the system. It wasn’t that simple either, because I now had to explore this world of side effects that then forced me to be continuously open and share with doctors when some effects (cue anxiety, irritability) were not worth staying on certain meds.

I spent a ton money on both therapy and coaching – therapy to focus on the grieving of a past relationship that I apparently never finished (and was revisiting while going through the process of an annulment) and coaching to tackle my daily routine as I worked on becoming my best self with each task and discipline. Several months of constant self-evaluation may not sound enjoyable to most, but becoming more transparent with unbiased third parties about what’s happening turned into a form of clarity I never knew I misplaced along the way.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this – for those feeling like you’re in a rut, any combination of these things may be the way to go. It requires the ability to be honest with yourself, the willingness to suck it up (difficult conversations, revisiting hurtful memories, etc.) and spending a LOT of energy/time/resources along the way. 

That being said – it is worth every penny and every second to feel like you are well on your way to becoming your normal self once more. Nothing is perfect, and you shouldn’t let social media or any other exposure to someone’s life imply that – but to be heading a direction with true purpose and intent along with the encouragement and support of several around you? That’s a genuine recipe for trying to find happiness.

I wish you all nothing but the best in the pursuit of being happy with each day we have.