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Why do we expect perfection?

Sorry not sorry, but this is going to be an odd combination of thoughts that have kept me pre-occupied while driving the last couple weeks. The drama that people have created around Olympic opening ceremonies, the turmoil around the disaster of a political season this is, the continued post-pandemic chaos where people are still ridiculed for wearing masks in public… why are we constantly trying to be at odds with one another?

Are these issues well-founded… or is everyone just looking for a reason to be upset with each other? For crying out loud, the Olympic ceremonies haven’t been “normal” in decades. An artistic expression that some may find interesting, some may find beautiful, and some won’t understand – wander into any art gallery these days, and that’s exactly what you’ll find. Does it detract from the goal of celebrating these athletes and what they have worked so hard for? Certainly. However, none of us volunteered to serve on the Paris 2024 Planning Committee – so it really isn’t our place to make this kind of judgment… especially when our children are at risk of losing funding for the programs at school that could help them achieve similar extracurricular goals if they so chose to pursue them. Why don’t you direct your focus there instead?

The subject line implies my thought process over the last few days… why would anyone run for political office at this critical point of our society? Some journalist is going to pull up a story from college about how the candidate did a keg stand freshman year of college, and someone will read their spin on the story and decide something about it was offensive. Instead of focusing on the issues at hand and getting their message out to potentially undecided voters, the campaign has to focus the majority of their time on damage control with something that hasn’t impacted anyone’s lives (and won’t impact anyone) – ever.

We seem to have our minds made up that it is the responsibility of athletes, celebrities, political figures, and the like… to achieve perfection in whatever it is they do. Newsflash – we are human. It is in our nature to make mistakes (just ask Adam and Eve), and it is part of our DNA no matter how much you try to ignore that. We wonder why the pool of options of who to vote for is so abysmal, but we also TERRORIZE whoever steps up and volunteers. Look at how badly past Presidents and high-ranking officials have aged in the past 20 years – we as a society put them through hell and still expect smiling faces, perfect pronunciation, and immaculate decision-making whenever they are in public. It simply can’t happen, but we lean into major media outlets to tell us how we should feel about those mistakes and weird looks, and it creates more of a hellscape in social media AND our actual, very real daily lives when it doesn’t have to.

Children used to dream of becoming professional athletes, and often still do – but now have to decide if paparazzi following their every move is worth the contract they are in pursuit of. We see these insane numbers in the NBA / NFL / MLB, only to then calculate they get about 50% of the number after taxes and fees, have to pay an absurd amount for security to keep themselves and their families safe from the scrutiny (and to those of you sending death threats to people’s homes after they miss a field goal… please get yourself some help)… it makes no sense. Why would anyone volunteer to be the face of any major organization when the backlash has become this fierce? Self-harm and the taking of own lives continues to be a major issue in our society, but we get mocked by others when we try to suggest that pursuing mental health should be a priority for everyone (and that those resources need to be more readily available) – especially for those in precarious positions.

If you got this far in my rambling, I appreciate you. I know you tend to scroll past when I suggest that you vote anything other than Republican or Democrat… but if you continue to believe that one side is better than the other, we are going to be doing this same song and dance in four years – unless a civil war breaks out before then. There are SO MANY OTHER THINGS that deserve our time and attention: the fact that several people can’t get jobs right now because corporations have made the process inaccessible, the fact that there are neighbors of yours who will have to choose tonight between paying a past due bill or feeding their family, the fact that technological advances are crippling our ability to remain decent human beings with purpose… I can go on and on. Come grab a drink and smoke with me sometime on the porch and talk about it if you’d like – but please, stop wasting time spewing nonsense on platforms (keep in mind, this is also a reminder to myself) when we have so many other good things to be doing with our time and talents.

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This is 36.

I emotionally collapse when my daughter asks “do you HAVE to go to work today”? 

When I plug into my work, it brings me incredible amounts of joy – to see the fruits of labor immediately, unlike other industries or career paths. The ideal guest experience is the ultimate pursuit, and getting to craft concepts to that end since the pandemic has truly been a blessing.

I have never felt more politically homeless in my life. Every suggested option for local, state, or federal is brought to us from the depths of Hell.

I often get frustrated with myself for not going to the gym more often, and even more frustrated looking at the time spent during the week searching for times when I could have gone.

I’m reaching the point where alcohol doesn’t do my aching mind or body any favors – but there are other things out there that do, and I’m incredibly grateful for them.

There are days I still refresh the bank app hoping to see an unexpected large sum be deposited into the bank account – yet I have no idea where it would be coming from, because winning the lottery requires playing it more often.

I am very optimistic about the future of the Church, both here and abroad, largely due to the levels of vocations AND laity commitments to bettering our situations no matter what the circumstances may be.

I stood up the “wrong way” this morning and now my back will ache the rest of the day. Getting adjusted at the chiropractor is now considered the ultimate self-care.

I know I’m old when… I have no shirts to wear, because I hate taking the time to iron them – but remain pissed off at my favorite dry cleaners for nearly doubling their prices.

I also know I’m old when all the mainstream music being made today absolutely sucks, yet every playlist pre-2010 has nothing but bangers.

Playing music continues to be the ultimate outlet for stress, pain, joy, you name it – I’m so glad I have kept up with it, even if I don’t get to practice as often, and “practice” these days looks like accompanying Elizabeth as she sings lullabies to everyone.

Regardless of how gloomy our political and societal outlook is, I somehow continue to remain hopeful that with each smile and conversation… I can try to make the day a little bit better for each person I interact with. If we all aimed to do that with our actions and responses this week, I’m pretty confident the impact would be overwhelmingly noticeable.

My thoughts go all over the place, all day every day. Not sure I would have it any other way. This is 36.

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Men Are Broken.

There is no denying it at this point – we all have men in our network of friends, peers, and families that are struggling with major life issues… and more often than not, they are hesitant to share that struggle with anyone out of fear of being shamed, ridiculed, bullied, or simply more isolated than they already feel.

There are men I have spoken to in the last year that have turned to disastrous choices, including some choosing to make attempts on their own lives. Some have reached that decision due to unfathomable tragedies that have occurred in their lives (loss of family members, loss of work they held dear, pain caused by words/action of themselves or others that caused strife), others feel they have no other choice when they are constantly surrounded by negativity with no positive outlook to turn to. I am sick to my stomach hearing about suicide becoming as prevalent as it is in our society in this moment, and am determined to find something that can be done about it.

I am no counselor – that’s my dad’s professional line of work – however, I am beyond empathetic to a fault, and will hear out anyone who needs someone in that capacity. I’m not writing these things down to suggest I have any of the answers either; rather, I want to make sure that I take the time to tell those around me that you are not alone in your battle. It might feel like no one else can relate to what you’re going through, and you need to know that feeling is some form of evil at work – because most of us can relate to these situations, whether we admit it publicly or not.

Please help me destroy the assumptions / stereotypes that men have to constantly be strong, because the truth is that we all need moments and spaces where we can be vulnerable in order to process the amount of chaos in our daily lives. If everyone operated under the premise that each and every human occasionally needs that support system (or sometimes, just a little time away from the distractions and obligations to reset), our culture would be nowhere near as toxic as it feels it is today.

As my new pin I found on the interwebs reminds me, it’s okay for your serotonin to be store bought. It’s alright to admit that you aren’t capable of handling a task or assignment some days, and to ask for someone else to own the task while you sort things out on a personal level. What should not be acceptable is keeping these thoughts and feelings to yourself, as well as thinking that just because one therapist or pill didn’t help the situation doesn’t mean A) you yourself are helpless and B) that giving up is the only option left. We are truly all in this together.

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The complex question of existence.

My grandmother had a comment the other day, as Chelsea and I drove up to visit with her, that caught me completely off guard. “Do you ever have that feeling – it comes and goes – when you start to wonder if you truly exist in this moment?” She then followed up the statement by paying me an incredible compliment, stating that by listening to my recording that I sent her of me playing the piano that she felt reminded that she most certainly exists – and in the best way possible.

On one hand, it scared the crap out of me. I never want my Nana to feel like that, and I want to do everything in my power to make her feel loved, appreciated, empowered – anything to help her feel like she does exist in this present moment (rather than the past that we enjoy reflecting on). In undergrad, most of us go through the core course that has us reflect on “I think, therefore I am” (Descartes) – but we often don’t take the time to truly ponder philosophical battles internally as the years go by faster and faster.

On the other hand, she was able to put into different words what some of us with mental health battles can often not describe to our therapists and doctors. There are indeed times in our lives when – even for a mere few minutes in the afternoon – there is some imbalance (call it chemical, emotional, spiritual) when we feel like we are simply observing life happening all around us, rather than being active participants. This may not actually be a lack of “existence” per se, but with word association you can quickly reach a more precise definition of the feeling – that sometimes, we feel like we don’t matter, that what we do with our day may not impact others at all. Thankfully, there are many opportunities to course correct ourselves into understanding the vast opportunities we have at our disposal on a daily basis… but it doesn’t negate the fact that the feeling will persist.

It would seem that the older generations have struggled with this pandemic and the mental struggles that result in a completely different way than most, in part because they have been so accustomed to frequent interactions with their children / grandkids / extended family that have either been in new formats (i.e. Zoom/video) or simply nonexistent if they struggle to figure out how to utilize the technology we “youngins” rely on so easily to get us through periods of quarantine and/or isolation. Since our society continues to move away from old school letters in the mail and other traditional ways of reminding our older family members how much we love them… it is up to us to step up and find new ways to incorporate their presence / existence into our daily lives.

I guess the point of this rambling today is… check in with all of your loved ones, family and those who feel like family. Remind them in creative ways that you appreciate them – for me, it was discovering that a simple YouTube link with some of my favorite songs I have learned over the years would put the biggest smile on her face.

The link to one of those is below.

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Chasing that *almost* indescribable feeling.

When the water in the shower hits the perfect temperature to wake you up in the best mood.

When you hug your significant other as you walk in the door and smell their scent, the one you became obsessed with.

When the air hits your face just right as you put the car on cruise near the ocean.

When the blanket is tucked perfectly around you on the couch, letting the white noise of the television lead you into dreamland.

When a friend makes you laugh so hard, it makes all the worries of the day run right off your shoulders.

When you experience something so powerful – someone’s birth, someone’s death, someone’s conversion, someone’s recovery… that it brings you to tears.

When the grease of your family’s comfort food hits your gut and tells you that the time has come for a delightful food coma.

When a stranger approaches you and commends you on a job well done… even though you had no idea they were paying attention to your work.

The smell of freshly cut grass as you wander outside to throw a ball around with the family member you don’t get to see nearly enough.

Sitting on a porch swing with a loved one, letting the stress of the day fade away into the constant and reassuring rocking back and forth with your confidante.

To the friends who are battling to stay mentally healthy, I hope you know that you are not alone. There are so many moments worth getting up and starting your day for – don’t let the dark thoughts of depression and anxiety get in your way of experiencing them. It sounds like a major hurdle to open up and talk about it with someone, but I am always a simple message or call away whenever you’re ready.

Now – go chase that feeling.

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Finding happiness.

I was blown away the other day when an old friend came up and told me point blank “the way you write is so real – I can actually relate to it, compared to everything else I find online.”

I felt that compliment – in a major way. Something has been a massive cloud of writer’s block over my head lately, and I felt like sharing about it may do some good for everyone… and might just get me out of this writing funk.

My younger brother (though his beard would imply otherwise) suggested the other day that I write something about the concept of happiness. It certainly seems to be a state of mind that we all have trouble consistently reaching these days – with the world at our fingertips, how is that possible? Some people may try to imply that with all the self-help and motivational resources out there… that there isn’t any excuse to not be all smiles each day.

Some days, it is crippling debt holding us back from what we deem necessary for us to be content. Other days, there are difficult memories of past experiences getting in the way of the pursuit of new ones. For each of us, the walk towards peace and joy is a tumultuous one… even after setting positive intentions for the day, starting out with stretching and breathing exercises, and eating healthy (or binge eating a craving).

I have to admit, being diagnosed with depression a year and a half ago was one of the most powerful starts to a chapter of life yet. It required me finally admitting that whatever was going on internally, that it might be somewhat beyond my control to resolve. As a passionately optimistic person for most of my life, facing this was not on the top of the priority list. However, as it started to interfere with my ability to perform at work and affect my interactions with friends and family… I realized that I was willing to do whatever it would take to find that “normal” abundance of positivity once again.

God has blessed me with great health for most of my life, so the first obstacle to overcome? Taking a daily antidepressant. It may sound simple, but I’ve never had to take anything more than antibiotics for a few days to reset the system. It wasn’t that simple either, because I now had to explore this world of side effects that then forced me to be continuously open and share with doctors when some effects (cue anxiety, irritability) were not worth staying on certain meds.

I spent a ton money on both therapy and coaching – therapy to focus on the grieving of a past relationship that I apparently never finished (and was revisiting while going through the process of an annulment) and coaching to tackle my daily routine as I worked on becoming my best self with each task and discipline. Several months of constant self-evaluation may not sound enjoyable to most, but becoming more transparent with unbiased third parties about what’s happening turned into a form of clarity I never knew I misplaced along the way.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this – for those feeling like you’re in a rut, any combination of these things may be the way to go. It requires the ability to be honest with yourself, the willingness to suck it up (difficult conversations, revisiting hurtful memories, etc.) and spending a LOT of energy/time/resources along the way. 

That being said – it is worth every penny and every second to feel like you are well on your way to becoming your normal self once more. Nothing is perfect, and you shouldn’t let social media or any other exposure to someone’s life imply that – but to be heading a direction with true purpose and intent along with the encouragement and support of several around you? That’s a genuine recipe for trying to find happiness.

I wish you all nothing but the best in the pursuit of being happy with each day we have.

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It might not make sense right now…

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” – Hippocrates

The recurring theme surrounding the past couple years for our generation is acknowledging that life is MUCH harder than what the movies and TV shows of old made it out to be. Often times, we won’t be able to mentally put together how things landed where they did – and when we try, it can often be looked at as a failure rather than a tough lesson taught on the way to the real success we had in mind. 


Take careers, for instance. Many parents and mentors of ours spent their entire adult lives with the same company, working their way up to the top – and as our peers demonstrate, that certainty doesn’t mean much to the majority of us craving adventure and something new with every page we turn and post we share. Friends often laugh when they talk about my work history, because to anyone over the age of 40 the thought of changing industries, let alone companies, over the span of a few years terrifies certain personality types. However, these ventures have created chapters in my book of life I never thought possible – and even just this weekend, I managed to apply something I learned from an area completely unrelated to hospitality to the newest challenge at hand in an effort to grow our business in a new way.


Relationships, this one is clear – no one sees coming.the damage that we get dealt, and sometimes even deal ourselves. Sure, there are some couples that have fairy tale stories come true of finding their better half in high school and miraculously finding ways to rekindle that love throughout the years. For the rest of us, we cling to song lyrics that explain how our future significant other will get a heart that has been through absolute hell, one that may have been broken in several places but eventually figured out a way to heal. That is, if we manage to work ourselves up to the task of committing to someone once more after the amount of pain we have gone through in the past. Even then, requiring that we manage to survive the current dating culture of swiping right before a proper introduction and hoping we don’t get “ghosted” in the process… or even end up doing the ghosting ourselves after a few dates lacking the “thing” you were hoping to find amidst that time spent together.


Through all of the hardships we endure and put others through, the one piece of the puzzle that stands out in resolution is the ability to show grace and compassion in a moment when others may find it rather non-self serving at a time when the status quo calls for the opposite. A little over two years ago, I was blown away at the message I received from an old friend, who told me that she decided to double down and take a serious look at her faith once more – because of the example I showed her by clinging to my own faith in moments where others would undoubtedly choose selfishness, anger, and resentment as an appropriate response. The odd thing to me was that I couldn’t make sense of it – in my mind, I was simply trying to do what I thought best in a hellish situation… bearing a cross, if you will, so that others didn’t have to hold that weight on their shoulders as lives were being completely upended.


Through all of the self-help books, talks, medications – we have to realize that there is no “perfect” way to bounce back from the hardships we encounter. However, there is clearly something to be said for finding a way to open up about the frustration (writing music, blogging, even calling up an old friend) and the relief that comes from pressing Send to put it out there for whoever may also be able to relate and appreciate. Keeping things deep in our hearts only postpones the inevitable outbursts and breakdowns that truly need to take place in order to move on and build something even better for yourself. Whether it be a gym routine, therapy sessions, time on retreat – pursue what you know to be good for your soul, and don’t let any of the ridiculous distractions of our society stand in your way. 


The one thing I wish I could say to myself throughout the last few years is simply this: It might not make sense now, but it will. I promise it will.