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Yes Donald, I can make bold statements too.

As that terrible season of life circles back around (unfortunately) – several of you have encouraged me over the years to run for political office… while that will likely never happen, I do acknowledge the importance of everyone being aware of one’s stances on the important things in life – so without further adieu, here is what you need to know about some of my beliefs – political, satirical, or otherwise.

I believe that in order for us to have better qualified candidates for major offices, we must create standards around comprehension / faculties that limit those who should be enjoying retirement and time with their loved ones from making a mockery of what we grew up believing is a dignified title to hold. I understand that there are a TON of these people holding office and that getting majority on a ruling to make such a change will take more time than I’d like ,but it will at least be a start. The lobbying friends on either side are currently dictating how we must live our lives, and increasing politician net worth as a result. Yet several influential leaders are still asking for pay raises – when I’ve talked to more people than I’d like to admit in the last three weeks that are starting to worry about prioritizing which bills to pay first… which is eerily similar to what us millennials saw happen in 2008.

I believe that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time – in the manner of which the sport was meant to be played. LeBron James is a freak athlete similar (and superior) to those we watched play multiple professional sports at the same time in the 90’s – and his endurance over the years is to be commended – but the game of basketball he competes in is more of a 3 Point Contest at the All-Star Game than an actual season of wear and tear on the body. Kobe is actually my #2, for what it’s worth.

I believe that the Department of Transportation in each state should immediately fire any personnel who schedules road work to be done during rush hour on any road, ever. I also believe that citizens should be empowered to put points on their fellow man’s drivers license when they witness them being complete idiots and ignoring all common sense on the roads we have to take every single day.

I believe that big pharmaceutical companies are actively trying to ruin our lives to fatten their wallets, not improve them like their euphoric commercials on television tend to suggest. I also believe that people are doing more harm than good by choosing to ignore the simple fact that all things cannabis, which are natural and given to us by God, work better in nearly every scenario that big pharma tries to maintain a monopoly over.

I believe that gambling is a terrible addiction that is quickly impacting more people in a very negative manner. The fact that every major media outlet now has their own platforms for doing just this makes it as easy a click of a button… and those that are already in major financial holes are digging themselves deeper for the sake of winning a parlay. There is no doubt that it is now impacting the results of games that most of us cherish watching for the natural outcome – something we would stone others for doing a couple decades ago, but now seems entirely commonplace.

I believe that we are in real danger culturally of abandoning creativity for the sake of nostalgia. While my endorphin levels skyrocket as high as any other millennial when I hear certain tracks be reused or plotlines be reinvented for the sake of getting us to the box office, these works also tend to dilute the quality of art that surrounds us. The arts must continue to be embraced at every level in society, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way – let our wallets do the talking, support local, and be a primary source of support for those in your network pursuing such activity either full-time or on the side.

I believe that South Park – yes, that animated TV show your parents hated hearing the language of – is one of the most brilliant pieces of television that future generations will continue to reference long after we’re gone. What they have done to put every corner of society in check over the years is nothing short of remarkable, and I am forever grateful to the network overlords for never pulling the plug on something that will continue to provide all the reasoning people need when trying to process various overreactions to life issues.

I believe – and people are starting to realize this more often, which is great – that how we choose to educate our children is completely in our hands, no matter what others try to convince you of. This is something no one in society can shove down our throats, and it must be celebrated – rather than some current situations where children are being taught (by their parents’ examples) to mock those who may come from a chartered school, were homeschooled, had a different format because of abilities, you name it. We have such a special gift in this country to mold our children in the manner in which we deem to be the best way for them to pursue a vocation / career as well as acclimate to society… and I hope we never let anyone get in the way of continuing that.

That’s all I got for now – what are some interesting beliefs that would have your friends and family raising an eyebrow at you?

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Different types of pain – and why their acknowledgement…

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who have PTSD years later – from being the one who found a loved one dead by suicide – from trying to save someone close who ended up drowning – from witnessing a grotesque and fatal car accident involving someone they knew.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who are grieving – from having a pregnancy end in one of the worst ways imaginable – from losing someone to a brutal terminal illness no one anticipated – from having someone they trusted more than anyone else abandon them.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who are terrified of making a major change in their life – because of the retaliation (physical, emotional, or otherwise) they fear will result, that they will make an even bigger mistake by not committing to the change, and that doing nothing will haunt their thoughts the rest of their days.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who hide it the best they can – but are nearing a literal point of drowning when it comes to debt and finances – who see every possible avenue as one that digs them a deeper hole – who have exhausted their resources to keep things afloat this long, and who will start resorting to crime

None of these should be measured on a scale as one being worse than another – currently, many of these folks are holding back from sharing about their experiences because they think others won’t understand, or that they will be looked at differently for sharing, or even worse – because they doubt the efforts of anyone else would help the cause. As you try to identify a way for you to help a loved one, remember to be empathetic – make sure to acknowledge that everyone’s struggles are valid and are not to be compared or judged.

For our society to stand any chance at restoring some common decency and core values among ourselves, we have to be willing to commit to a few steps that may sound simple – but they’re not, and they could mean the difference in helping remind those around us that they are loved and appreciated. Sometimes they will simply need someone to listen, sometimes they will need someone to respond and provide suggestions on what to do. Get comfortable with the difference, don’t be afraid to be honest if the problem is in an area outside of your network / expertise, and offer to at least guide them in the right direction now that they’ve taken a great first step in being willing to talk to you about it.

We might not have the ability to solve all of the world’s problems individually – but there are a lot of individual efforts we can each take on to get some base hits for our team in this game called life. Just remember, if you find yourself asking if you are a “good enough” parent / sibling / coworker / teammate / friend – only the good ones keep asking that question.

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Men Are Broken.

There is no denying it at this point – we all have men in our network of friends, peers, and families that are struggling with major life issues… and more often than not, they are hesitant to share that struggle with anyone out of fear of being shamed, ridiculed, bullied, or simply more isolated than they already feel.

There are men I have spoken to in the last year that have turned to disastrous choices, including some choosing to make attempts on their own lives. Some have reached that decision due to unfathomable tragedies that have occurred in their lives (loss of family members, loss of work they held dear, pain caused by words/action of themselves or others that caused strife), others feel they have no other choice when they are constantly surrounded by negativity with no positive outlook to turn to. I am sick to my stomach hearing about suicide becoming as prevalent as it is in our society in this moment, and am determined to find something that can be done about it.

I am no counselor – that’s my dad’s professional line of work – however, I am beyond empathetic to a fault, and will hear out anyone who needs someone in that capacity. I’m not writing these things down to suggest I have any of the answers either; rather, I want to make sure that I take the time to tell those around me that you are not alone in your battle. It might feel like no one else can relate to what you’re going through, and you need to know that feeling is some form of evil at work – because most of us can relate to these situations, whether we admit it publicly or not.

Please help me destroy the assumptions / stereotypes that men have to constantly be strong, because the truth is that we all need moments and spaces where we can be vulnerable in order to process the amount of chaos in our daily lives. If everyone operated under the premise that each and every human occasionally needs that support system (or sometimes, just a little time away from the distractions and obligations to reset), our culture would be nowhere near as toxic as it feels it is today.

As my new pin I found on the interwebs reminds me, it’s okay for your serotonin to be store bought. It’s alright to admit that you aren’t capable of handling a task or assignment some days, and to ask for someone else to own the task while you sort things out on a personal level. What should not be acceptable is keeping these thoughts and feelings to yourself, as well as thinking that just because one therapist or pill didn’t help the situation doesn’t mean A) you yourself are helpless and B) that giving up is the only option left. We are truly all in this together.

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The people have spoken, but no one listens.

Citizens of the United States have a variety of thoughts and feelings regarding the midterm elections that just took place, but an exit poll question was shared on several news networks last week that no one seems to want to keep talking about.

Over SEVENTY PERCENT of voters said that their preference is to have NEITHER Biden or Trump as candidates in the 2024 election. That percentage implies a substantial development from both major groups – of course parties can be dissatisfied with certain candidates, but this matchup in 2020 was one of the most polarizing of our time. We have a very clear majority that want to move on from this madness, and yet the media (along with those in charge) continue to shove this narrative down our throats. These men are too old, too controversial, and (I’m a broken record here) should be at home with families instead of injecting more chaos into our government.

I actively studied politics in high school, and seriously considered majoring in Poly Sci when I was deciding where to go for college. While I would never dream of subjecting my family and friends to the extreme impact of running a campaign for a higher office in this day and age, I continue to be fascinated by the lack of educating oneself that remains the usual voter’s approach to preparing for each election cycle. Endless attacks on one’s personal character/political history because of a random Tweet or commercial you saw one day does not entitle you to a superior opinion, but rather puts you in the majority of those who do less than the bare minimum to learn about candidates before formally casting a ballot.

Let’s visit the notion of the “wave” that normally favors the party not holding the Oval Office very four years. For decades, the Republicans and Democrats have assumed that by attacking the other’s President early on in their term – it is only natural that the nation will follow their lead and empower them in the other government branches to seek a true balance of power. However, 2022 is showing a buck in that trend because of two primary factors: first, the candidates selected from both sides were not exactly what the public wanted to replace incumbents (cue celebrity TV doctors, and others who seem to think democracy is something to be taken from someone else) – and secondly, the MOST influential factor, is that the nation does NOT like the idea of a candidate needing to be “backed” by Trump as a means for getting elected into office over someone else.

We can go back and forth on this all day, as most of you know that I voted third-party in 2020 since my conscience would not allow me to cast a vote for either of these senile men to hold one of the most important positions in the world (and furthermore, I did the same thing in 2022 when it came to replacing our soon-to-be-vacant Senator spot in NC based on the options we were presented with). You can do your best to tell me my vote is “wasted” in this system, but the independents taking office (or forcing run-offs due to percentages not being reached) are implying quite the opposite. If more of you were willing to act on how you feel, the candidates being vetted and polled would be of higher quality and a better reflection of the platform you claim to represent… or you may finally see the light and put some effort into creating a healthier alternative.

Our nation may indeed be approaching its 250th birthday, but when it comes to the discussions had on nearly every platform – you would think that the US is struggling with puberty in its teenage years with acne popping up every other day no matter what kind of facial scrub we use. I hope that the surprising outcomes (I’m defining “surprising” by noting how many races went against polling data) challenge everyone to not merely call the election process into question – the fact that it takes us weeks to count votes amid lawsuits from both sides is just downright depressing – but to take time from scrolling through Reels and TikToks to dig more into what makes someone an ideal candidate to you personally. You might be surprised as to what you find, and I’ll be over here with a cigar to talk about it all when you do.

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We are responsible. Every single one of us.

For not actually doing something sooner. For becoming numb to this type of news. For not voting out these shmucks that don’t give a DAMN about our families – and don’t get me started down the rabbit hole of where to place the blame. Both mainstream parties have repeatedly failed us in our lifetimes, and the fact that any of you continue to defend them is egregious. When we can’t get immediate action from people whose comfy lives we fund with our tax dollars (who aren’t even debating the issue at the state/federal office levels at this time), the time has come to SEND THEM PACKING.

If you want to make a change, start in areas we have the most control over. First and foremost, GO GIVE BLOOD (and platelets, and plasma) – we tend to forget that so many people need something we take for granted every single day. Next, go through the fundraisers that will help the people affected the most and give 5 bucks… or 50. Then, seriously give thought to where your child current attends school (or where you’re planning on sending them), and evaluate the measures taken by those in leadership to both educate AND protect your children. If they don’t exceed your expectations, show how you prioritize your family by making a difficult change and get them out of there.

Speaking from experience – homeschooling is nowhere near as hard / complicated / confusing as people make it out to be. Depending on the state you reside in, it may be even easier than you think (take NC for example, where any child can try out for sports at public/private schools like I did). If you want to make a serious inquiry into how it all works, please message me and ask. I would rather abandon my current work and invest my time in helping our families grow in the safest structure we can possibly provide for them – instead of maintaining the status quo where the end result is not even CLOSE to the one that any of us want.

The more important factor in creating change (outside of our homes) is A) encouraging those who have our best interests in mind to RUN for office (whether that be the school board, local office, PTA, etc etc) and then B) taking the time and effort to get these impassionate people out of their comfortable offices where they mock us by sending their thoughts and prayers.

I know I don’t have the right words to say to those who are impacted the most by issues such as these, but I hope that by enough of us raising our voices – that true change can happen to reduce as many of these unthinkable tragedies as we possibly can.

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The significance of a tree.

  • by Ben Torres

I honestly have not had a Christmas tree in my place of residence for several years… in fact, other than a “Charlie Brown” equivalent for a couple occasions, it has been nearly 15 years since having a legit-sized tree to put up and decorate. Granted, I have been on the move – packing up a moving truck every year since 2014 and going to another neighborhood (if not another state altogether). At the core, the places I have called “home” have merely been stops along the way – with a handful of nice memories to take away from each. There can be all the excuses for being a Grinch and not celebrating by way of decor as everyone else does, and I likely cited all of them in the past.

This may seem trivial to some, but having gone through the process for the first time in what feels like forever… bear with me. Black Friday certainly does not have the significance it once did in getting up at the crack of dawn to feed my consumer greed – instead, we bundled up our newborn and headed to Home Depot to get a tree and decorations for the yard. While I may have grimaced at first when the wife suggested such an idea (cue memories of having to untangle lights in knots that no Boy Scout is capable of undoing), I found that it brought me immense comfort and joy to bond together over decorating and preparing our home for our Savior’s birth. Furthermore, it cemented the fact that life now consists of having made a home with my new little family – and while it might look like the simple gesture that most do to “play their part” when the holiday rolls around… this one simply feels different.

I’m sure part of this has to do with the fact that I now get to watch my newborn child’s eyes LIGHT up when seeing the colors sparkle as they bounce off the various ornaments we scrapped together. Another part is seeing the joy it brings my wife to prepare our home for the occasion, and the tangible realization that we are indeed growing as individuals and together with every challenge and opportunity that comes our way. There are so many negative things happening in the world that could affect our mindset in this season – sometimes it really is the simple, small things like plugging in the lights Clark Griswold-style and stepping back to enjoy the view with the ones you love.

No matter what life throws at you this month, I hope that in the midst of the world’s current level of noise and chaos that some of you can manage to find a similar feeling this Advent season.

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The World of Podcasts

Since several of you are constantly asking when you get in my car “what the heck is this” I’m listening to… let’s dive in.

I LOVE podcasts. Whether the commute is short or long, you get the opportunity to listen in to someone else’s take or conversation on a topic you may know nothing about – or on the contrary, get to hear a differing opinion than your own and have the necessary alone time to process and reflect on it.

For those looking for recommendations, I will break them down into a few categories and provide links below. As our world continues to transition to more digital content, I highly encourage you to consider this option in lieu of certain video platforms – or even to make the most of your walk/run instead of music to shake things up.

Faith-Based: This is easily the area I spend most of my listening, as it is of paramount importance to me that I stay in tune with the vulnerable and honest voices that dive deep into issues that concern us all.

1 – Catching Foxes. There can’t be enough said about Luke and Gomer, as their witty banter is the sort that everyone (religious or not) can listen in to and appreciate immensely. The brutal honesty, which often comes with emotional meltdowns as life throws crap at us on the daily, is a refreshing change of pace to listen to in the madness of this world. I often find myself laughing at the start of an episode, and sobbing 20 minutes later… and laughing again by the end, because these guys take you on an incredible roller coaster.

2 – The Gloria Purvis Podcast. This incredible woman has been put through a myriad of challenges as this side of media has played catch up with the rest of the world, and continues to hold her head high and tackle the toughest of topics that most would rather leave alone. The subject matter is often intense (in comparison to what others are willing to converse about), and it is so desperately needed in today’s society – because she does it from a place of pure love for all, no matter what.

3 – Saint Dymphna’s Playbook. As one who believes mental health continues to be widely ignored in our society (or rather, our society makes false claims about addressing the issue), Tommy Tighe has graciously taken the time to develop a fantastic set of episodes on the subject. Not only will he dive deep into topics that others are afraid to speak up on, but he does it in a manner that is prayerful – and I often find myself incorporating these quick bits into my daily prayer life as a way to keep the intention of mental health at the forefront of my prayers.

Humor: Because there are times when I simply need to take a break from the seriousness and let loose.

1 – Correct Opinions w/ Trey Kennedy. There is no denying that this personality has captured the hearts of many who spend too much time on social media, and he takes it a step further by exploring hysterical categories like crazy white baby names (that drive us ALL insane).

2 – AJ Presents The GR8R Good. An old college friend continues to stir the pot with Abbey alumni and on demand listeners alike by stating the pure and simple truths that we may or may not want to hear. Though I may not always agree with his statements, he did do the Lord’s work in convincing me to watch HIMYM and understand just how glorious of a television series it really was.

3 – Riled Up w/ Arielle + Matt. This darling couple takes time out of their insanely busy celebrity lifestyle (sarcasm, sort of) to tell us what really gets them fired up, and I am constantly here for it. Often poking fun at each other and their hysterical relationship, it is a breath of fresh air for many who need to simply let off some steam when it comes to an odd argument or situation encountered during the day – because these two have the willingness to go down that rabbit hole with you of verbally taking a bat to that person’s car.

Motivational / Miscellaneous: Because my interests are all over the place, and it can be hard for you to keep up.

1 – New Mindset, Who Dis?. Case Kenny was someone I stumbled across when I needed this form of inspiration the most – quick bits to get your day/week started with the right frame of mind, no matter what part of life may be bothering you at that moment. Once you get hooked on this guy, you’ll find yourself buying his journals and rocking out to his Motivational Mixtapes – and becoming a 1000% better person as a result.

2 – The Catholic Guy Show. For those who can’t listen to Lino real-time on Sirius XM, this is the next best thing. This option ends up in this category – because if you take the time to listen, you’ll realize that this crazy collection of misfits (even with the show name) doesn’t belong in any assigned category. Though Lino and Mark will often berate Tyler over his refusal to give in and convert already, the faith aspect of the topics they cover can often blend into the background as they celebrate being human… and often, the errors/mishaps that come with that blessing as a result.

3 – Everyday Liminality. I know, it is a couple of guys who wear “weird robes” and all… but no, this one still doesn’t go into the Faith-Based category either. These Franciscan brothers do an incredible job diving into the world of entertainment and really doing justice to the work that creators/writers put in to making these shows and movies what they really are. The titles can often really snag your interest too – “Field of Dreams: The Notebook For Guys” speaks to me on quite a personal level, and I feel obligated to share another favorite with you all.

Honorable Mentions: (may or may not be ones that I have appeared on in the past)

1 – Cut. Light. Connect. (yes, this is our own vlog which is different… but alas, I’m biased)

2 – NC F&B Podcast

3 – Music and Booze with Mo

If you enjoy what you find in the black hole of podcasting, please consider subscribing and supporting these cool cats and kittens in any way you can. I find myself often subscribing to Patreons and finding their live shows in hopes of connecting with fellow listeners and creating a more positive environment around us all. Who knows… if you play your cards right, you may end up convincing me to start up my own.

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United States? What’s united about it?

In any given city at this current time in our lives, you will find people ready to fight – verbally and/or physically – over their beliefs that they are right when it comes to a smorgasbord of items. Religion, science, and what you may believe to be the truth about any given category is up for grabs – people share screenshots of what they find online and profess it to be their sole reason for taking up the fight against vaccines, masks, refugees, and overall human decency. There are legitimate talks in certain parts of the country of having towns on state lines “identifying” with the next state over – because they can’t stand the tax rates and policies in the state they are currently affiliated with. If we didn’t have a bunch of keyboard warriors as citizens in 2021, there could be a legit civil war that breaks out in the US (and there is no denying that everyone is going to avoid battle with Texas – the amount of ammo stored in that state is enough to overtake the rest of the country).

Let us get one thing straight – you are no better than the person next to you just because the beliefs you express may give you the courage to think that. Your simple Google search for stats does not give you the ability to “take down” someone who has studied that subject their entire lives on an online platform. Your failure to pay attention in class or church does not give you the right to claim expert status just because “I was raised in that church” or “I took that class freshman year” – get over yourselves and your false claims to credibility.

Right now, everyone in this world is struggling with something (whether they openly admit it or not). For me, I’m struggling to maintain sanity when I am bombarded day in and day out with people’s opinions that are hurtful, illogical, and just plain foolish to be sharing in public. It reaches the point where depression and anxiety look at each other and wonder how much more creative they could get than the circumstances we find ourselves in.

If you think this post might be in reply to something you said or did… it probably is. Now, more than ever, is the need for careful self-examination when it comes to how we process the information we receive – and especially when it comes to how we turn around and share said information. This is not merely about religious or scientific debates, but across all subject matters that the media zooms in on with the hope of getting us frustrated with each other.

If you think this is Ben trying to sit on a high horse, please seek help. I am simply sick and tired of people posting stories for the purpose of getting others riled up because “THIS SITE SAID MASKS ARE USELESS” and “NOBODY IS GONNA MAKE ME CARRY A FORM OF ID TO GET SOMEWHERE” – take a Xanax and understand that all of us are trying to figure this out together. Not a single soul wanted anything about the pandemic to last more than a few weeks, yet here we are nearly back to square one across the GLOBE. You are all amazing people – don’t let temporary flareups get in the way of that shine.

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Oh, Little One.

For years, I have often broken down in prayer asking why I was having to go through so many tribulations – while watching others (and still being extremely happy for them all the while) be blessed with new life in their families. Whether adopted or naturally conceived, children were coming into the lives of my family and friends while I was having to overcome personal battles that I wouldn’t ask anyone else to endure. While I happily play the role of the fun and crazy uncle (honorary or otherwise), I couldn’t help but wonder at times what the Lord had in store for me when it came to my own family.

Elizabeth Wray, there is no doubt that your entrance into our lives will change the way we operate on the daily – but in just about every aspect, that will be an amazing thing. I already thrive on a lack of sleep, so no biggie there… nevertheless, I hope you have your mother’s ability to sleep and sleep well!

The world that you are about to experience is one that is filled with blessings and challenges. There are days when there aren’t enough words to console those around us, and yet there are also days when we can’t stop smiling and laughing at what happened to us that day. I can only hope that your presence in this world will bring incredible joy to those who get to meet you, and that you manage to snag a bit of the good in both of your parents (but most certainly more of your mother’s, since she manages to rise above the madness with only a Starbucks in her hand).

We are about three months away from you gracing us with your arrival, and time can’t go by fast enough for me. I willingly embrace all the challenges that will come with being a girl dad, and can only hope that I live up to some of the expectations that I set for myself when it comes to being your father.

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The trials of being a decent person.

Friends, it’s been a while. I felt compelled to write to you today after seeing various reactions to the jury verdict that was reached this week. I put these words down out of love, out of hope for our future, and what we are capable of accomplishing together.

First and foremost, we are human beings. It is in our nature to make mistakes, and it is also in our nature to learn from them. What we have been witnessing over the past year are groups of our fellow brothers and sisters struggling and reaching out for help. Whether you or I have been actively involved in incidents that have led us to this point is somewhat irrelevant – I merely hope that we all recognize the opportunity at hand to play our part in making our communities safer for everyone who resides in them.

This week, a group of our peers met together and determined that what one man did to another was wrong and that justice needed to be rendered in the form of punishment. I know everyone wants to play conspiracy theorist and find ways to clickbait others into believing some particular aspect of this incident to draw more lines in the sand, but enough is enough. We owe it to ourselves as human beings first and foremost to look out for each other – and in this circumstance, it requires a look in the mirror to examine how we can conduct ourselves so that we don’t give the news outlets any more reasons to throw these types of once-in-a-lifetime circumstances in our faces once more.

Love your neighbor. Jesus made it so simple, yet we find it to be the most troubling part of our time on Earth. It DOES NOT MATTER if this neighbor has a drug problem, has a mental health problem, bullied you in the past, whatever it might have been – love. your. neighbor. We have been conditioned to believe that this is a “gray” area based off what others tell us, but it doesn’t change the fact that we need to put preconceived notions aside when it comes to treating our fellow humans with dignity and respect.

This is not a conservative, moderate, or liberal position. As a simple man, I implor you to walk the walk when it comes to taking up a cross and remembering that only those without sin cast the first stone. Let us encourage each other to look straight through to the heart of someone we interact with – no matter skin tone, how they vote, and what pains may have been caused in the past.