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How did we get here?

As in – how did we end up relying on this group of people to represent our interests at the highest political level? All their names are in the news for delaying this, vetoing that… why can’t bipartisanship reappear among their ranks?

For starters, we’ve allowed these people to remain in the same positions their entire careers without questioning whether they are still the proper representation of the districts in which they live. The absence of term limits is finally rearing it’s ugly head for everyone to see, as a result they reside comfortably in the biggest houses on the block while several of us are in the unemployment line.

They continue to manipulate us, regardless of party, to pursue the interests of their own class. In case you can’t tell by now, they don’t actually care about you and me. All these delays and negotiations are attempts to display/exercise power in a moment when all we need is actual help. As observed in the news, this class of people – whether designated as conservative or liberal, right or left, red or blue – would rather make profits for themselves first before even remotely acting like it is a priority to save American lives and jobs.

I hope you all remember this when November rolls around. These people deserve consequences for their actions, not us. Do whatever you have to in order to be able to vote this fall to be the change we do desperately need.

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We make it so much harder than it needs…

To make the world a better place, the recipe has always been relatively simple – love, whether or not you receive it in return. Whether you’re religious or not, spiritual or not, most can agree in some form of “karma will always come back around”, the golden rule, etc. as a quality way to choose how to act on a regular basis.

People can be awful at times. They will, consciously or not, decide to lie / cheat / steal from those they claim to love, often with no regard to potential consequences as they pursue the immediate gratification that comes with their choice. There can be justification for rash responses, but often that idea of retaliation / revenge comes from the same part of the soul that your counterpart is still battling with themselves. Choosing to be the bigger person in that moment can feel like an insurmountable mountain to climb, but the long term mental health benefit is much too great to ignore. 


When someone posts something online that you inherently disagree with, it shouldn’t motivate you to assault them with a barrage of unfair insults and degrading comments. Often, their willingness to post publicly about it comes from a place where they are looking for a constructive dialogue on how to face an issue together, not on how to divide us more. Our national media outlets do a great job of that already – anyone who even mentions CNN or Fox News immediately gets labeled “one side” or “the other side” in most minds, because of the stereotypes these outlets are willingly embracing for the sake of causing a scene (AKA creating more content).

As things continue to unfold the next couple weeks with this strand of coronavirus, I humbly plead with everyone to remember that there are so many unique ways to show love of neighbor. One day, it might be helping a coworker who can’t afford the babysitting cost to be able to come into work that day. Another day, it might be having a geniune conversation with a homeless person, who isn’t actually looking for a handout but is looking for the right resources to get on the right path… but isn’t aware of what is around because they are new to town. 


Even still, some of our more vulnerable neighbors whose immune systems aren’t capable of handling going out and grocery shopping… it takes such a small amount of effort to grab an extra bag or two at the store for them, and yet in their lives you are making a difference of incomparable value. Instead of the online badgering and commenting that gets us nowhere, constantly be looking for the potential to be of true value in the conversation and activity at hand.


“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.” – Sun Tzu

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Why so hostile?

I get it – there are political views that we all get fired up about, and there is no fault in being passionate about something you firmly believe in. That being said… when you listen to a politician speak, I ask that you do something to help the world around us in a small way. Remember that this person is stepping up to the podium out of a desire to help our country (at least, the majority of the time) become better than we currently are, and are subjecting their families and loved ones – not just themselves – to the constant scrutiny of the media and any of us who find fault in something they do or say.


Take a moment and examine how you would feel if your child came home from school in absolute tears, having been bullied because someone made a meme of you from the debate the night before and it managed to go viral overnight. How would you react if you found your spouse melted into the couch sobbing after someone defaced their vehicle while they were at the grocery store shopping for your family? The things that are encouraged by so many of our neighbors as gut reactions to the political climate continue to do much more harm than good, and we need to be vocal about the need to address it.


We love to jump behind the walls of our computer screens that we think exist, but the way we react to the actions and statements of politicans tell society just as much about ourselves as it does the ones starting the conversation. Instead of rushing to use hurtful words that we may not necessary mean (i.e. someome is racist, something-phobic, etc.), take the time to listen with your individual compassion with just as much effort as your intellect. More than likely, the person running for office has a stance on that issue because of something personal that happened to them – and if that isn’t the case, I hope they are honest with themselves and with the general population in how they logically came to their conclusion. 


This request of mine comes from the mindset of mine that the two party system in our country is doing much more to separate us rather than unite us. We are better than this current state of affairs, and we can show that – one charitable response at a time. Taking the time to fully listen and process before responding has gone out the window in dialogue today, but that doesn’t mean it can’t make a comeback. Empathy is a beautiful thing – it doesn’t mean that we are going to convert everyone to our opinion, but it will help foster an environment where people feel more comfortable both opening up about how they truly feel and making positive suggestions as to how we can improve our world together.

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My wish.

Christmas is such a bizarre time of year. We spend so much of our time trying to plan ahead for gifts and meals and gatherings – only to wish at the timing of those events that we had more time to spare with the ones we love the most. No matter what the factors are, we never seem to have enough time to plan ahead and are always playing catch up in a moment when we should be enjoying every spare second with those we treasure the most.

I have a simple wish for all of us this year – that we don’t take a single thing in our lives for granted this week. As years pass, we learn that friends and close ones often spend these holiday seasons alone, either due to fallouts with family/friends or true loss of loved ones. While the traditions of watching classic Christmas films should never be abandoned, it can never hurt to incorporate a quick call or message to that friend who may not have the family members nearby to go watch Chevy Chase or Jonathan Taylor Thomas make fools of themselves together.

I wish for all of us to seriously consider the opportunity we have to care for the neighbors around us – this could be the person in line in front of us whose card isn’t going through for a present for their young child, or even someone living further away who we aren’t as close to now who we found out is in serious need of resources in this season. If I asked you to prioritize what was more important – someone in the extended family getting a video game they probably won’t spend much time on, or an old friend struggling to make ends meet between jobs while expecting a child – I would hope that the answer will often result in the latter.

This season, I hope we all check ourselves as we prepare for the birth of our Savior – and everything that comes along with it. The spirit of giving is one that can be powerful throughout the year – be it spending time at a local food bank helping sort donations, volunteering to babysit your friend’s toddler so they can have a desperately needed date night… the ways to give are endless once you let your creative juices flow.

I wish everyone a very merry Christmas, and hope you all know I’m only a call/text away for anything you may think you need in this time. If I’m not able to help for some reason, I can only pray that someone in my network can step up at that moment and deliver something life changing to the ones who need it the most.

Glad tidings to all.

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Finding happiness.

I was blown away the other day when an old friend came up and told me point blank “the way you write is so real – I can actually relate to it, compared to everything else I find online.”

I felt that compliment – in a major way. Something has been a massive cloud of writer’s block over my head lately, and I felt like sharing about it may do some good for everyone… and might just get me out of this writing funk.

My younger brother (though his beard would imply otherwise) suggested the other day that I write something about the concept of happiness. It certainly seems to be a state of mind that we all have trouble consistently reaching these days – with the world at our fingertips, how is that possible? Some people may try to imply that with all the self-help and motivational resources out there… that there isn’t any excuse to not be all smiles each day.

Some days, it is crippling debt holding us back from what we deem necessary for us to be content. Other days, there are difficult memories of past experiences getting in the way of the pursuit of new ones. For each of us, the walk towards peace and joy is a tumultuous one… even after setting positive intentions for the day, starting out with stretching and breathing exercises, and eating healthy (or binge eating a craving).

I have to admit, being diagnosed with depression a year and a half ago was one of the most powerful starts to a chapter of life yet. It required me finally admitting that whatever was going on internally, that it might be somewhat beyond my control to resolve. As a passionately optimistic person for most of my life, facing this was not on the top of the priority list. However, as it started to interfere with my ability to perform at work and affect my interactions with friends and family… I realized that I was willing to do whatever it would take to find that “normal” abundance of positivity once again.

God has blessed me with great health for most of my life, so the first obstacle to overcome? Taking a daily antidepressant. It may sound simple, but I’ve never had to take anything more than antibiotics for a few days to reset the system. It wasn’t that simple either, because I now had to explore this world of side effects that then forced me to be continuously open and share with doctors when some effects (cue anxiety, irritability) were not worth staying on certain meds.

I spent a ton money on both therapy and coaching – therapy to focus on the grieving of a past relationship that I apparently never finished (and was revisiting while going through the process of an annulment) and coaching to tackle my daily routine as I worked on becoming my best self with each task and discipline. Several months of constant self-evaluation may not sound enjoyable to most, but becoming more transparent with unbiased third parties about what’s happening turned into a form of clarity I never knew I misplaced along the way.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this – for those feeling like you’re in a rut, any combination of these things may be the way to go. It requires the ability to be honest with yourself, the willingness to suck it up (difficult conversations, revisiting hurtful memories, etc.) and spending a LOT of energy/time/resources along the way. 

That being said – it is worth every penny and every second to feel like you are well on your way to becoming your normal self once more. Nothing is perfect, and you shouldn’t let social media or any other exposure to someone’s life imply that – but to be heading a direction with true purpose and intent along with the encouragement and support of several around you? That’s a genuine recipe for trying to find happiness.

I wish you all nothing but the best in the pursuit of being happy with each day we have.

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Oh, Beantown.

As I prepare to go back to New England for a true summer weekend, some thoughts from the past couple years continue to creep back into my mind… so naturally, I thought I would share them with my peers.

Friends and foes alike loved asking the question “why not move home” as I started a brand new life on my own again in Boston in 2017. Having only been there a year and facing a daunting task of filing for an annulment from several states away, I certainly couldn’t have been blamed for going back south to be closer to family and friends. That being said – looking back, I’m so glad I grew stubborn in my response to stay put and reinvent the wheel in an area I was only starting to get to know. The challenge of truly applying myself in the city was a welcome one, and I embraced the idea of making new friends while overcoming different challenges I wouldn’t have the chance of experiencing back home.

Unlike the ever-evolving landscape of Charlotte, Boston’s identity has been established for a long time – and honestly, that applies to much of New England as a whole. As you enter each suburb, there isn’t much of a secret in terms of the history of the people who live there and how you might expect them to treat you. To the “outside world”, they can be perceived as cold and heartless… and when I first arrived, the lack of knowledge when it came to the different terms used regionally as well as not knowing proper pronunciation of the towns… we can safely say that I was getting all the looks an outsider should have.


However, as I worked my territory in software sales, I came to realize that most of the crowd was putting up a wall out of instinct until they knew what to truly expect from someone. As long as you approached them with honest intentions and didn’t beat around the bush (things other parts of the country are clearly very well known for), they would drop that wall and extend the olive branch to you to potentially create a loyal bond for life. From Medford to Belmont to Waltham, my residences each year gave me a chance to befriend citizens from all walks of life, and really appreciate the different definitions of family and friendship that others in the same ol’ US of A call home.


The concept of being far away from family and friends in a challenging time scares a lot of people away from even entertaining the idea, and I get it. Some need that support structure there physically, and I’m not saying there weren’t moments when I craved the feeling of home. Thankfully, there were several people who became integral to my success daily in the Boston area, who weren’t afraid to give it to me straight while motivating me to reach my full potential at the same time. I will forever be grateful for having spent three quality years in a region that constantly inspired me to put my skills and creativity to the test daily and prove my worth in any given area. To experience career and relationship changes in an unfamiliar place is a thrill ride I won’t encourage everyone to get in line for… but just know that it most definitely continued to mold me into the positive and optimistic person I strive to be.


If you haven’t gotten the chance to go up to New England for a weekend, don’t just take my word for it. From Portlane, ME to Burlington, VT – Newport, RI to Cape Cod, the options for an amazing experience (to be fair, I would encourage timing it between April-October for weather purposes) are essentially endless if you wander outside of Boston. While that might intrigue you… the foodie in me craves pasta freshly made in the North End, a massive steakbomb from Bob’s, straight out the boat sushi from Monkfish, late night stuffed rice balls from Bova’s, hazy juicy IPA’s from the local watering holes… and plenty of sights to take in around town to walk it all off.


Boston – from getting me to enjoy the energy of slinging drinks again to playing music with some of the most talented people I have ever met, trying every kind of cuisine to jumping out of a perfectly good plane – you may always have the most entertaining chapter of my book.

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It might not make sense right now…

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” – Hippocrates

The recurring theme surrounding the past couple years for our generation is acknowledging that life is MUCH harder than what the movies and TV shows of old made it out to be. Often times, we won’t be able to mentally put together how things landed where they did – and when we try, it can often be looked at as a failure rather than a tough lesson taught on the way to the real success we had in mind. 


Take careers, for instance. Many parents and mentors of ours spent their entire adult lives with the same company, working their way up to the top – and as our peers demonstrate, that certainty doesn’t mean much to the majority of us craving adventure and something new with every page we turn and post we share. Friends often laugh when they talk about my work history, because to anyone over the age of 40 the thought of changing industries, let alone companies, over the span of a few years terrifies certain personality types. However, these ventures have created chapters in my book of life I never thought possible – and even just this weekend, I managed to apply something I learned from an area completely unrelated to hospitality to the newest challenge at hand in an effort to grow our business in a new way.


Relationships, this one is clear – no one sees coming.the damage that we get dealt, and sometimes even deal ourselves. Sure, there are some couples that have fairy tale stories come true of finding their better half in high school and miraculously finding ways to rekindle that love throughout the years. For the rest of us, we cling to song lyrics that explain how our future significant other will get a heart that has been through absolute hell, one that may have been broken in several places but eventually figured out a way to heal. That is, if we manage to work ourselves up to the task of committing to someone once more after the amount of pain we have gone through in the past. Even then, requiring that we manage to survive the current dating culture of swiping right before a proper introduction and hoping we don’t get “ghosted” in the process… or even end up doing the ghosting ourselves after a few dates lacking the “thing” you were hoping to find amidst that time spent together.


Through all of the hardships we endure and put others through, the one piece of the puzzle that stands out in resolution is the ability to show grace and compassion in a moment when others may find it rather non-self serving at a time when the status quo calls for the opposite. A little over two years ago, I was blown away at the message I received from an old friend, who told me that she decided to double down and take a serious look at her faith once more – because of the example I showed her by clinging to my own faith in moments where others would undoubtedly choose selfishness, anger, and resentment as an appropriate response. The odd thing to me was that I couldn’t make sense of it – in my mind, I was simply trying to do what I thought best in a hellish situation… bearing a cross, if you will, so that others didn’t have to hold that weight on their shoulders as lives were being completely upended.


Through all of the self-help books, talks, medications – we have to realize that there is no “perfect” way to bounce back from the hardships we encounter. However, there is clearly something to be said for finding a way to open up about the frustration (writing music, blogging, even calling up an old friend) and the relief that comes from pressing Send to put it out there for whoever may also be able to relate and appreciate. Keeping things deep in our hearts only postpones the inevitable outbursts and breakdowns that truly need to take place in order to move on and build something even better for yourself. Whether it be a gym routine, therapy sessions, time on retreat – pursue what you know to be good for your soul, and don’t let any of the ridiculous distractions of our society stand in your way. 


The one thing I wish I could say to myself throughout the last few years is simply this: It might not make sense now, but it will. I promise it will.

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What kind of experience do you want?

Doesn’t matter the context – it should be a memorable one, right? That’s what I thought – and yet, the concept seems rather skewed in interpretation by everyone around us. We get so caught up with trying to be “the person” who had the best angle for the picture/video of the moment in front of us… that more often than not, we end up missing out on the majority of that experience because of our selfishness. 2019 has ushered in a mentality where we can justify time spent adding filters to images instead of making conversation with the incredible beings sitting right across the table.


Don’t get me wrong now – there is always going to be value in creating quality content for accounts, especially as our world continues to advance in technological capabilities by the day. Content has become currency, and it has opened up opportunities for several people to pursue careers they have never thought possible when growing up. That being said, I think most of “our” generation (I’ll label us the 27-34 year olds for arguments sake) has started to figure out that there should be a delicate balance of time spent absorbing the pretty colors of our phone with the amazing gift that is real life.


I find myself asking the question more and more as I dive back into the world of hospitality here in Charlotte. Naturally, we want to create an environment that is “worthy for the ‘gram” – but we must constantly tread with caution. An atmosphere dominated by those simply striving to be an influencer in a concept that will outdate itself in a matter of years… is not the one we will all remember years from now telling our kids about. 


Taking a simple picture or two to capture the moment can always be part of the overall experience (one that we can frame on the mantle, if you will), but we cannot allow ourselves to fall into the pit of misery that consists of the blurry, not useable, not “likeable” pictures that plummet peers into depression. An article that went viral a few weeks ago talked about how a couple nearly split up after their lengthy honeymoon, because – and it may sound insane, I know – the bride spent so much time trying to get the PERFECT pictures to commemorate their time in paradise that it drove a massive wedge between the two… which is the exact opposite of what that time is supposed to be.

Another article mentions the desire for someone to be a “phone check” at the door, collecting devices the same way we check our heavy coats in the winter. While we all shudder at the thought of being without our device for more than a few minutes at a time, I love the picture the author tried to paint. In reality, we should feel comfortable shedding that layer of ourselves while we immerse in the experience that we have chosen to pursue for the night (which hopefully includes a stop at our lovely establishment).

Perhaps we don’t need to check our phones – but we should at least check our selves. Ask yourself what you really want out of a night out on the town spending hard-earned time and money – don’t be afraid to put your phone on silent and in your pocket after taking a picture of that pretty cocktail you ordered.

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Let’s talk about something that sucks.

On a day where we celebrate the paternal figures in our lives, and the many ways in which they positively affect the quality of that life… some of us are facing an uphill battle. It isn’t always the most obvious thing, because this is the type of sensitive topic most would prefer to bury deep down in lieu of sharing it with anyone – even closest friends.

For some, the battle is coming to terms mentally/spiritually with the fact that we are not in control when it comes to the time and place we can become a parent. It tends to take two to tango in this equation, and there are certainly cases all around us of couples that have very different opinions than their partner on whether attempting to raise a child is what they’re called to do. While one would assume that the view on such a topic is something to be clarified early on in courtship, life circumstances and other mental barriers can absolutely interfere with two people openly sharing their dreams and desires. In several instances, this will result in the end of some relationships that no one could see coming from the outside – or at the very least, produce tension in a couple that is unexpected given how “perfect” everything tends to appear on social media.

In some instances, couples equally long for that responsibility in their life, but have to acknowledge a set order of preceding events (house buying, finances in order, engagement/marriage, etc.) before making a true attempt. Now, some will say that the social expectations have started to change – and that is usually in part to God gifting someone with a new life to care for sooner than the human “plan”/anticipation. While everyone should always respond lovingly and with care to those who find themselves in that type of spot, I think it’s safe to say that many still highly value following a more standard structure of building their family if given that option. Unfortunately, that process can take a substantial amount of time, and as strong as we like to think we all are – there are some who will break down along the way and need a helping hand to get through it.

For some, it may be a frustrating development to find out that conceiving a child is physically more difficult than what school taught you years ago. While you may long for that feeling of parenthood yourself, some bizarre medical reason may be standing in your way that causes you to question God’s will. Given the nature of these medical issues, it has often been society’s response to make those experiencing difficulty feel out of place, awkward, and sometimes even unwelcome in exchanges with those who have no issues conceiving. As a result, friends we never expected to see in a dark place all of a sudden seem distant, lost, and expressing emotion that we can’t relate to. In a time where communication seems abundant around us, it is this type of honest and open communication that becomes lost in translation – which society MUST admit is a problem needing to be addressed.

What is just as frustrating for those desperate for a family is having to go through the unbelievable barriers in place when trying to adopt a child. As a society, we tend to make the mountain of adoption not worth the climb for some couples – because the legal and financial gymnastics (among other things in the process) are too much for some to overcome. Though we have gratefully seen several success stories with friends in this realm, acknowledgement that they went through “hell and back” to make it happen can go a long way – and hugging/encouraging those who have faced the answer of “no” enough times to want to give up is just as much of a priority.

A final version of struggle that I think more people are familiar with (unfortunately) is witnessing/experiencing parental figures choose otherwise than to care for the children they chose to bring into this world. Neglect and abuse are much more visible signs of harm to a person’s wellbeing than what was mentioned previously, so society has been able to step in and address the needs of these families much faster over the years. Nevertheless, it is an avenue of misery for some… but also, I hope, an opportunity for those looking to share their love in a place they probably never thought they would look.

The TL:DR version of this? Be enormously grateful for what you have. That online post sharing pictures and talking about your parent should never replace an honest conversation in person/over the phone with them about how much they truly mean to you. Most importantly, at least with what I’ve mentioned today… always be checking in on your friends and loved ones. They may not feel comfortable sharing their battle with you at first, but reminding them that they are loved and appreciated will always help right the ship.

Love you guys.

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Be kind to your mind.

We put our thoughts and feelings through so much crap. The platforms we browse on a daily basis fill these voids where natural interactions are supposed to take place – and subconsciously, often change our perception in many situations. Society has changed so drastically since we were kids that we struggle to recognize day-to-day life the same way other generations have – and even fail to relate to our peers at times because things have become so complex.

This month our world focuses on mental health, but we all know that the conversation around that topic should be something that gets addressed on a constant basis. Though it seems like those around us have started to embrace individuals who open up about their troubles, they are just as quick to mention “he/she didn’t seem quite right” as a problem occurs – and yet do nothing about that suspicion of theirs when the time is right.

Having faced the consequences of burying a lot of negative emotion and energy in the past myself, I can’t stress enough the value of searching for and finding an unbiased resource to share your frustrations with. It may seem awkward at first, and it will likely require overcoming the instinct to hold back the personal crosses we bear yet don’t feel like other people should ever know about.

Don’t be afraid of the suggested courses of action. I was – because for the longest time, I would always put others first and take whatever pain/debt/loss was involved as playing my part. Anyone proposing the idea of a medication or different routine for approaching these situations received a “stay in your own lane” response from me for years. After opening up to a couple new options, I can gladly say that several of those daily issues can be put behind me with the right action plan.

Love yourself. Always. Have the courage to tell that boss or teacher that you need the necessary time away from a responsibility so you can properly focus on you – whether it be mental, spiritual, physical, or maybe a combination of all the above. Feel the relief that comes from opening up about things that have been kept wrapped up under the blanket on the couch for so long. You’ll thank me later.