Who Is Your D-Wade?

This question has been repeating itself over the last 24 hours as I watch the Budweiser tribute to the basketball legend who is hanging it up after this season. Some content mastermind, who clearly appreciates the person Dwayne has been off the court throughout his life, came up with an idea for a video that should really ask that question in each of us. Who is it that continues to inspire/motivate us day in and day out?

For myself, I feel like there are several people who can fit that narrative – for a variety of reasons. In this section, I’ll start with my parents… for it continues to blow my mind how much vision they had to move our family when the opportunities presented themselves. Keep in mind – I was born in Flint, Michigan. In present day Flint, an actual city in the United States with tens of thousands of people… the water isn’t safe to drink. The government uses this town in headlines merely for political influence, rather than trying to actually help the people that so desperately need their leadership. The military uses many abandoned properties in town for target practice, because they see an opportunity of their own in what can sometimes look like a wasteland. Now, in no way am I trying to say that my parents were able to foresee the future… but they didn’t feel like they were called to be there for the long term. I can’t help but be thankful that my family was led through prayer all the way to where we are now.

After growing up as a small child in the Ohio Valley, they let me know that my teenage years would be spent in North Carolina… as they felt the Lord leading them somewhere that had more promise of nice weather, work to pursue, you name it. As a kid, I was SO bummed – why on earth would they want to move us far away from extended family and all my friends after we had gotten into such a nice groove along the Ohio River? …fast forward several years, and I turned to my dad as a college graduate thanking him for taking that risk (without having finalizing a job at the time), because I had found out that our old hometown has been the scene of some of the biggest drug busts in the country… and that most of the people involved were my age. Talk about a rush of gratitude as I started my professional career in the always growing city I have recently started calling home again – Charlotte.

In a manner of speaking, this is comparing apples and oranges. D-Wade has had a lucrative career and managed to be a source of motivation to us all by putting a lot of his income back to the community that raised him up. As much as he may have liked to pursue that dream, my dad kept his incredible tennis talents as a hobby throughout the years as he sought his real dream of being someone to listen and counsel his local community through all kinds of frustrations and disappointments, in hopes of lifting them up to better places in life. My mom was on a fast track to upper management with General Motors, but felt called to teach what she knew to a family she hoped to be blessed with – and through all of that, she has seven children that may not enjoy math as much as she does… but that are incredibly blessed and talented in many other ways.

I suppose this small story is simply trying to say: who motivates you by the choices they’ve made through life, or how they’ve responded to the curveballs consistently being thrown their way? Too often, it seems that we are only taking the opportunity to look at stories of motivation and influence *after* the fact – when someone retires or passes away. A small goal of mine is to change that narrative by constantly sharing content of inspiring stories that are active in our world, in hopes we can jump on the train while they’re still moving and play our own part accordingly.

For starters, check out Kyle Korver’s article titled “Privileged” – a powerful commentary on something completely different in professional basketball that no one likes to talk about. Then read up on Jesse Cole, who was just mentioned in Forbes for his powerful authenticity and what it can mean to your work and purpose. Hit me up to grab a drink sometime, and let’s talk about these more important things in life – or if you’re a friend I’ve made along my travels in the past few years, I’m always up my favorite way to spend a night off: a laugh via FaceTime.

Keep your smile and story infectious as always.

Home

  • by Ben Torres

People love to ask the question… where is home these days? Where do you call home? We seem to develop the notion that one’s home defines a lot more about the person than what ends up being the case. “Oh, so you’re a Yankee…” “Oh, so you’re from the South…”

Will everyone stop and admit that 95% of the stereotypes that we try to associate with these hometowns are absolute nonsense? I can say without a doubt that there are THOUSANDS of people from the “Bible Belt” who tend to be downright crude and inhospitable, just as there are THOUSANDS of people from the North who actually have souls and give a crap about others and their well-being.

Don’t let where you were born or raised define you – this isn’t the early 20th century, and even the grandparents that are still walking among us seem to have embraced change when you ask them. Whenever I get asked these questions, so those unfamiliar with my background can find a way to put Ben in their own “boxes of understanding”… I simply start telling my story, whether they like it or not.

I was born in Flint, Michigan. Yes, that Flint – the town devastated by tragedy that our corrupt political system chooses to make their playing card as it suits them, only to abandon its residents at the end of a campaign instead of actually helping them. My mother was working as an electrical engineer for General Motors at the time – because after all, that was the definition of a successful person who had graduated from college in the Midwest in the 80’s.

My early years were then spent in the Ohio Valley – the Ohio side of the West Virginia panhandle, to be more precise. I started working at the ripe age of 9, taking on a paper route to make enough money to buy my own bike – and even chip in on an actual piano once my skill set was developed enough to graduate from a small keyboard. My mom’s extended family and friends raised me in the tradition of Pittsburgh sports (after all, it was the closest big city), and my claim to that fandom still seems to haunt several of my friends from other parts of the world to this very day.

The family moved to North Carolina when I was in middle school… and I learned the hard way about starting over with friends and life in the midst of puberty. Though NC has now been my place of residence for longer than any other state (not to mention where I went to college and launched my professional career)… it is hard to imagine me saying that this one place alone constitutes my “home”. After all, the last 4 years of my life were spent downing queso in Austin and taking in late nights on the water in Boston – complete opposite environments from anything I had ever known up to this point.

At the end of it all… I just hope that you strive to let your personality, accomplishments, desires, and dreams define who you are – not where you have your mail sent to. As you will find out, the more you explore and the more you converse – you have a lot more in common with the person across the table from you, no matter what impression may have led you otherwise.

God’s Plan.

  • by Ben Torres

No, not the catchy song Drake put together with a few of his friends. Yes, that line any parent or mentor has used during your adolescence to try and explain why something bad happened to you (cue the part where Mom doesn’t understand what I mean when I tell her that I only love my bed and her and I’m sorry).

Not gonna lie, the concept has both relaxed my fears and also catapulted them to the moon over the years. I was blessed, as we all were, with free will – and yet, I am supposed to confide my trust in a divine intention that I may not even be aware of yet? Usually, my battle with this course of action leaves me cussing out my guardian angel (and anyone else who has to put up listening to me vent) wondering where I went wrong this time.

When I was a senior in HS, I applied immediately to the one school I wanted to attend – Franciscan. My parents went there, I grew up around there, in my mind it was meant to be. Long story short, God absolutely intervened with that idea when I found myself on the phone with the Dean a few months later, because my application had somehow gotten lost in the mix – and they had now accepted too many out of state students for the coming year. Without God’s Plan, I would never have experienced the incredible four years that I had at Belmont Abbey, and for this I am eternally grateful.

As I prepared to graduate college, I did the typical cradle Catholic thing and immediately pondered the idea of saving up for a ring for the girl I had dated throughout undergrad. After all, that was the end game… wasn’t it? The quest for finding love while in school, then getting married and having a few little ones while a career is established? This time, God’s Plan rocked my world in a way I didn’t understand. How could the end result of this be feeling absolutely heartbroken and alone a couple months later, with no real backup plan after putting all my eggs in that basket? Yet once more, without this sequence of events… I wouldn’t know any of the incredible people I met while starting my career in Charlotte, who have influenced much of who I am today.

The latest one… had enough challenges to last a lifetime. No one really learns about the annulment process when you’re raised in the Church, because you rightfully would assume that you shouldn’t need to. However, when it becomes clear that you married the wrong person and that the misunderstanding of what that relationship entailed is too much to overcome, you find yourself meeting with people you don’t know well who now have to pry into every detail of your life in order to properly determine if your marriage was ever valid in the first place. Coming to the realization that something you believed was sacramental really wasn’t… may be the toughest pill to swallow, especially when you have invested all of your time and love into it over the years.

So… yeah. Heavenly Father, these have been incredible tests of my patience, forgiveness, mercy… you name it, I likely believe there isn’t much of it left. I am thankful every day for the opportunities I am given to grow in virtue, and just as often I must remind myself that the journey is just beginning – there are likely several obstacles still waiting for me. It is a gift to have this time to re-discern (not sure if that’s actually a term, but let’s roll with it) what I should be doing with my life in every personal or professional avenue.

Consider a human creation for a moment, The Adjustment Bureau. One of my favorite movies – a plot completely surrounded by a higher power dictating what should and should not happen to each of us. Matt Damon plays this good-hearted fella who simply believes that it is his destiny to be with the woman who captured his heart… no matter what these angels/agents/whoever they say they are think and read in their book. The writers of this movie seem determined to explain to us that human hope can overcome ANYTHING – and in a sense, I believe them. When combined with the greatness and holiness we have been called to, our hope and sacrifice can be resilient against even the strongest forces this world has to offer us.

In conclusion, we should slightly modify the quote of encouragement “let no one stand in your way” that we look to for some motivation, because it is missing the inclusion of a key partner of the journey. Make sure your communication with the Man upstairs remains strong at all times, so that His will can positively impact your efforts in ways you never before thought possible. Trust me – from experience, it is remarkably easier when He is by your side than when He stands in your way.

The Dating World

  • by Ben Torres

Well, I don’t think many expect me to comment on this topic given my colorful history – but it seems to be an area that so many friends still struggle with, so perhaps some additional commentary may be helpful after all (at least, maybe some peace of mind). I will preface this by thanking all those who have been praying for me over the last couple of years – for if you have not heard, my request for an annulment was affirmed, allowing me to truly focus on putting the past where it belongs and moving forward with the new chapters of my life.

As I sit here typing, my significant other and her close friends are watching the latest season of Chris Harrison playing Matchmaker… or more affectionately known, the Bachelor. For as much as everyone vents about drama in relationships today and individuals “talking” to several others at the same time – everyone also LOVES watching it play out on TV as poor souls sign up to put their misery on display for millions to watch. I’m not sure what could be more damaging to a person’s morale: having all of your closet skeletons come out while running for political office, or having someone “break up” with you after a few weeks of condensed conversations on television for all to see.

If you’re having a difficult time dating, my opinion/advice is extremely simple: never be afraid to be yourself. As I found myself back in the awful world of trying to find the “right” one in 2017, I bounced from app to app that friends would suggest, spending way too much money out in the popular Boston bars, trying to pretend that my situation was better than it was… you name it. Now, if your goal is short term hangouts that end up in awkward ghosting or uneasy encounters – apps and nightlife are the way to go. You will end up increasingly unsatisfied as you try to continue getting over your last relationship, and put yourself in unwanted circumstances with new people that won’t get you anywhere.

As a year of those trials concluded, I committed to myself that it was time to focus on me first rather than what I could find in the world out there. It was time to truly focus on what I still needed to work through from the past, and let God’s plan play out without me trying to interfere. I became a pretty solid third wheel for others, because I honestly wanted to enjoy other people’s company and friendships rather than focusing on the endgame – because I acknowledged that it needed to come naturally. Crazily enough, the year finished by me meeting someone who didn’t even live in the same state that I did (at a time when I didn’t have an intention on meeting anyone)… and over a year later, I’m now back down south to try and see where this can go living in the same area.

We are all in this together – so don’t be afraid to reach out if you ever need someone to bounce ideas off or simply listen. Just because close friends are where you thought you’d be at this age, with a spouse and a couple kids and the house and the job… remember that His plan is much more rewarding and promising than anything we can dream up in our limited peripheral. Double down on who you truly are, with the incredible gifts and talents you have, and show the world what you’re made of – the right person will fall for it, when you least expect it.

The bad word: politics.

Everyone seems a little too interested these days in knowing exactly what each of us believes when it comes to the issues the media is determined to have us care about.

As more content is brought to this platform, I simply ask that you keep this in mind before jumping down my throat about something that was said – my belief is simple: the two-party system is failing us in the United States. It is up to the younger generations to prove that point, and establish a different option of value to those we care about. Therefore, my comments and criticisms often tend to involve all sides of a debate – because more often than not, I find myself in the middle asking everyone “Where Is The Love?” like my crew BEP did back in the day.

At the end of it all, I want what I say to come across with how I feel – that with enough love and self-sacrifice, we can restore hope to every part of this current situation that makes most of us unable to sleep at night.

Don’t forget, as my Nana often reminds us… if there isn’t anything nice to say, you probably should keep your mouth shut.

Society is depressed.

A Star Is Born is depressing as can be. A horrifyingly beautiful modern translation of “Walk the Line” – Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga ace their performances… and people walk away dumbfounded at the way the story ends. Is it really a surprise to you that for once, a Hollywood story doesn’t end in love happy ever after the way Walt Disney taught us growing up?

We, as a society, seem to be stuck on this idea of “wow… this definitely ain’t it chief” without a real suggestion on what the solution to the problem should be. Take mental health, for example. Everyone seems to agree that taking one’s own life is out of the question – but is there really a legitimate path for those who have reached that level of exhaustion? One that gets promoted in the right way, anyway? 

Oh yeah, Logic wrote this song that was on the charts for forever because it made everyone feel good. Know what else happens in music? We continue to “honor” those who have passed by constantly cherishing their memory when we pull up their playlists. Imagine being a musician who reaches the conclusion that “at least they’ll remember me in this way” – and that sound more appealing than continuing to live on and create more incredible memories for years to come.

Not saying I have an answer to any of this, just merely suggesting that we as humanity talk about it more openly rather than brush it under the rug as previous generations have done.

Turbulence.

Transparency In Turbulence? You’ve got my attention…

My friend and mentor over the last several months was quick to have me clarify when I told him what I wanted the name of my platform to be. As I kept diving through the year of 2018 riddled with personal obstacles, there was one thing that seemed abundantly clear: I have an unusual gift of seeing things with nearly 20/20 vision, even in the midst of the largest storms my 30 years of living had ever faced.

To that end, I felt that the theme would keep me on track with what commentary I put up on the platform. After all, there are PLENTY of voices online for people to listen to when they feel like it – what makes mine any different?

In the first 3 decades of life, I have experienced feeling wealthy and feeling broke. Established and successful, as well as irrelevant and worthless. Feeling closer to God than ever before, and yet ever so far away. Heartbreak of the puppy love kind, and heartbreak of the this-could-make-you-suicidal kind.

Sure, it might sound like any other 80’s kid mantra… but too many seem content to simply Netflix binge rather than share life’s stories and reflections in hopes that they may one day be of help to someone who can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is the fruition of hard work in overcoming some of the challenges I can only pray life never throws your way – but perhaps, by hearing some of my experiences, they can aid/ease that pain and present opportunities for clearer understanding.

Happy reading.