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Just hang the damn ornaments.

Those who know me well enough are WELL aware of my disgust for those around us who start playing Christmas music on November 1st. There are so many other events in November we have to get out of the way first – All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving… alas, the consumer greed kicks in no matter what I say. Add in the fact that so many of you throw the stuff out a day or two after Christmas (when we should be celebrating THROUGH January 6th, but I digress), and you can pick up what I’m putting down.

This past weekend, I found myself faced with a small conundrum. With a rare day off, there was an opportunity to be quite productive in the new home since we have been living out of boxes for the last few weeks. However, my lovely red-headed daughters had very different plans – as they were determined to set out our Christmas decorations to compliment the neighbors who had already done so.

Naturally, the idea seemed rather offensive to me at the surface level. How could my own offspring suggest such an atrocious idea? *Dad mode kicks in* Because they see sparkles, glitter, and all the pretty lights, you dumb dumb. Just because logic and reason works in your favor at the age of 36 doesn’t mean an intelligent 3 year old will grasp the concept of patience being a virtue in this instance (let alone my bride, who quickly sided with her daughter in hopes this meant trips to Hobby Lobby and other specialty stores for even more decorations).

As parents, we learn quickly to pick our battles wisely. While I could certainly stand my ground (as I began to) on principles I have held near and dear… those principles were also being applied in very different phases of life. Who says you can’t assemble that deck box in the garage while the girls unwrap ornaments? Who says you can’t go hunting through a dozen tubs for the constantly missing TV remote while they find the perfect place to position the wooden reindeer in the living room?

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is this – the lesson I learned this weekend is to not let the list of action items you have get in the way of making precious memories with your little ones. Of course, the list of things I need to tackle is never-ending… but they won’t be this little for very long, and I will treasure the looks on their faces when they saw the finished product of a decorated tree for the rest of my life.

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This is 36.

I emotionally collapse when my daughter asks “do you HAVE to go to work today”? 

When I plug into my work, it brings me incredible amounts of joy – to see the fruits of labor immediately, unlike other industries or career paths. The ideal guest experience is the ultimate pursuit, and getting to craft concepts to that end since the pandemic has truly been a blessing.

I have never felt more politically homeless in my life. Every suggested option for local, state, or federal is brought to us from the depths of Hell.

I often get frustrated with myself for not going to the gym more often, and even more frustrated looking at the time spent during the week searching for times when I could have gone.

I’m reaching the point where alcohol doesn’t do my aching mind or body any favors – but there are other things out there that do, and I’m incredibly grateful for them.

There are days I still refresh the bank app hoping to see an unexpected large sum be deposited into the bank account – yet I have no idea where it would be coming from, because winning the lottery requires playing it more often.

I am very optimistic about the future of the Church, both here and abroad, largely due to the levels of vocations AND laity commitments to bettering our situations no matter what the circumstances may be.

I stood up the “wrong way” this morning and now my back will ache the rest of the day. Getting adjusted at the chiropractor is now considered the ultimate self-care.

I know I’m old when… I have no shirts to wear, because I hate taking the time to iron them – but remain pissed off at my favorite dry cleaners for nearly doubling their prices.

I also know I’m old when all the mainstream music being made today absolutely sucks, yet every playlist pre-2010 has nothing but bangers.

Playing music continues to be the ultimate outlet for stress, pain, joy, you name it – I’m so glad I have kept up with it, even if I don’t get to practice as often, and “practice” these days looks like accompanying Elizabeth as she sings lullabies to everyone.

Regardless of how gloomy our political and societal outlook is, I somehow continue to remain hopeful that with each smile and conversation… I can try to make the day a little bit better for each person I interact with. If we all aimed to do that with our actions and responses this week, I’m pretty confident the impact would be overwhelmingly noticeable.

My thoughts go all over the place, all day every day. Not sure I would have it any other way. This is 36.

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Yes Donald, I can make bold statements too.

As that terrible season of life circles back around (unfortunately) – several of you have encouraged me over the years to run for political office… while that will likely never happen, I do acknowledge the importance of everyone being aware of one’s stances on the important things in life – so without further adieu, here is what you need to know about some of my beliefs – political, satirical, or otherwise.

I believe that in order for us to have better qualified candidates for major offices, we must create standards around comprehension / faculties that limit those who should be enjoying retirement and time with their loved ones from making a mockery of what we grew up believing is a dignified title to hold. I understand that there are a TON of these people holding office and that getting majority on a ruling to make such a change will take more time than I’d like ,but it will at least be a start. The lobbying friends on either side are currently dictating how we must live our lives, and increasing politician net worth as a result. Yet several influential leaders are still asking for pay raises – when I’ve talked to more people than I’d like to admit in the last three weeks that are starting to worry about prioritizing which bills to pay first… which is eerily similar to what us millennials saw happen in 2008.

I believe that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time – in the manner of which the sport was meant to be played. LeBron James is a freak athlete similar (and superior) to those we watched play multiple professional sports at the same time in the 90’s – and his endurance over the years is to be commended – but the game of basketball he competes in is more of a 3 Point Contest at the All-Star Game than an actual season of wear and tear on the body. Kobe is actually my #2, for what it’s worth.

I believe that the Department of Transportation in each state should immediately fire any personnel who schedules road work to be done during rush hour on any road, ever. I also believe that citizens should be empowered to put points on their fellow man’s drivers license when they witness them being complete idiots and ignoring all common sense on the roads we have to take every single day.

I believe that big pharmaceutical companies are actively trying to ruin our lives to fatten their wallets, not improve them like their euphoric commercials on television tend to suggest. I also believe that people are doing more harm than good by choosing to ignore the simple fact that all things cannabis, which are natural and given to us by God, work better in nearly every scenario that big pharma tries to maintain a monopoly over.

I believe that gambling is a terrible addiction that is quickly impacting more people in a very negative manner. The fact that every major media outlet now has their own platforms for doing just this makes it as easy a click of a button… and those that are already in major financial holes are digging themselves deeper for the sake of winning a parlay. There is no doubt that it is now impacting the results of games that most of us cherish watching for the natural outcome – something we would stone others for doing a couple decades ago, but now seems entirely commonplace.

I believe that we are in real danger culturally of abandoning creativity for the sake of nostalgia. While my endorphin levels skyrocket as high as any other millennial when I hear certain tracks be reused or plotlines be reinvented for the sake of getting us to the box office, these works also tend to dilute the quality of art that surrounds us. The arts must continue to be embraced at every level in society, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way – let our wallets do the talking, support local, and be a primary source of support for those in your network pursuing such activity either full-time or on the side.

I believe that South Park – yes, that animated TV show your parents hated hearing the language of – is one of the most brilliant pieces of television that future generations will continue to reference long after we’re gone. What they have done to put every corner of society in check over the years is nothing short of remarkable, and I am forever grateful to the network overlords for never pulling the plug on something that will continue to provide all the reasoning people need when trying to process various overreactions to life issues.

I believe – and people are starting to realize this more often, which is great – that how we choose to educate our children is completely in our hands, no matter what others try to convince you of. This is something no one in society can shove down our throats, and it must be celebrated – rather than some current situations where children are being taught (by their parents’ examples) to mock those who may come from a chartered school, were homeschooled, had a different format because of abilities, you name it. We have such a special gift in this country to mold our children in the manner in which we deem to be the best way for them to pursue a vocation / career as well as acclimate to society… and I hope we never let anyone get in the way of continuing that.

That’s all I got for now – what are some interesting beliefs that would have your friends and family raising an eyebrow at you?

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The significance of a tree.

  • December 12, 2021December 12, 2021
  • by Ben Torres

I honestly have not had a Christmas tree in my place of residence for several years… in fact, other than a “Charlie Brown” equivalent for a couple occasions, it has been nearly 15 years since having a legit-sized tree to put up and decorate. Granted, I have been on the move – packing up a moving truck every year since 2014 and going to another neighborhood (if not another state altogether). At the core, the places I have called “home” have merely been stops along the way – with a handful of nice memories to take away from each. There can be all the excuses for being a Grinch and not celebrating by way of decor as everyone else does, and I likely cited all of them in the past.

This may seem trivial to some, but having gone through the process for the first time in what feels like forever… bear with me. Black Friday certainly does not have the significance it once did in getting up at the crack of dawn to feed my consumer greed – instead, we bundled up our newborn and headed to Home Depot to get a tree and decorations for the yard. While I may have grimaced at first when the wife suggested such an idea (cue memories of having to untangle lights in knots that no Boy Scout is capable of undoing), I found that it brought me immense comfort and joy to bond together over decorating and preparing our home for our Savior’s birth. Furthermore, it cemented the fact that life now consists of having made a home with my new little family – and while it might look like the simple gesture that most do to “play their part” when the holiday rolls around… this one simply feels different.

I’m sure part of this has to do with the fact that I now get to watch my newborn child’s eyes LIGHT up when seeing the colors sparkle as they bounce off the various ornaments we scrapped together. Another part is seeing the joy it brings my wife to prepare our home for the occasion, and the tangible realization that we are indeed growing as individuals and together with every challenge and opportunity that comes our way. There are so many negative things happening in the world that could affect our mindset in this season – sometimes it really is the simple, small things like plugging in the lights Clark Griswold-style and stepping back to enjoy the view with the ones you love.

No matter what life throws at you this month, I hope that in the midst of the world’s current level of noise and chaos that some of you can manage to find a similar feeling this Advent season.

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Oh, Little One.

For years, I have often broken down in prayer asking why I was having to go through so many tribulations – while watching others (and still being extremely happy for them all the while) be blessed with new life in their families. Whether adopted or naturally conceived, children were coming into the lives of my family and friends while I was having to overcome personal battles that I wouldn’t ask anyone else to endure. While I happily play the role of the fun and crazy uncle (honorary or otherwise), I couldn’t help but wonder at times what the Lord had in store for me when it came to my own family.

Elizabeth Wray, there is no doubt that your entrance into our lives will change the way we operate on the daily – but in just about every aspect, that will be an amazing thing. I already thrive on a lack of sleep, so no biggie there… nevertheless, I hope you have your mother’s ability to sleep and sleep well!

The world that you are about to experience is one that is filled with blessings and challenges. There are days when there aren’t enough words to console those around us, and yet there are also days when we can’t stop smiling and laughing at what happened to us that day. I can only hope that your presence in this world will bring incredible joy to those who get to meet you, and that you manage to snag a bit of the good in both of your parents (but most certainly more of your mother’s, since she manages to rise above the madness with only a Starbucks in her hand).

We are about three months away from you gracing us with your arrival, and time can’t go by fast enough for me. I willingly embrace all the challenges that will come with being a girl dad, and can only hope that I live up to some of the expectations that I set for myself when it comes to being your father.

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The complex question of existence.

My grandmother had a comment the other day, as Chelsea and I drove up to visit with her, that caught me completely off guard. “Do you ever have that feeling – it comes and goes – when you start to wonder if you truly exist in this moment?” She then followed up the statement by paying me an incredible compliment, stating that by listening to my recording that I sent her of me playing the piano that she felt reminded that she most certainly exists – and in the best way possible.

On one hand, it scared the crap out of me. I never want my Nana to feel like that, and I want to do everything in my power to make her feel loved, appreciated, empowered – anything to help her feel like she does exist in this present moment (rather than the past that we enjoy reflecting on). In undergrad, most of us go through the core course that has us reflect on “I think, therefore I am” (Descartes) – but we often don’t take the time to truly ponder philosophical battles internally as the years go by faster and faster.

On the other hand, she was able to put into different words what some of us with mental health battles can often not describe to our therapists and doctors. There are indeed times in our lives when – even for a mere few minutes in the afternoon – there is some imbalance (call it chemical, emotional, spiritual) when we feel like we are simply observing life happening all around us, rather than being active participants. This may not actually be a lack of “existence” per se, but with word association you can quickly reach a more precise definition of the feeling – that sometimes, we feel like we don’t matter, that what we do with our day may not impact others at all. Thankfully, there are many opportunities to course correct ourselves into understanding the vast opportunities we have at our disposal on a daily basis… but it doesn’t negate the fact that the feeling will persist.

It would seem that the older generations have struggled with this pandemic and the mental struggles that result in a completely different way than most, in part because they have been so accustomed to frequent interactions with their children / grandkids / extended family that have either been in new formats (i.e. Zoom/video) or simply nonexistent if they struggle to figure out how to utilize the technology we “youngins” rely on so easily to get us through periods of quarantine and/or isolation. Since our society continues to move away from old school letters in the mail and other traditional ways of reminding our older family members how much we love them… it is up to us to step up and find new ways to incorporate their presence / existence into our daily lives.

I guess the point of this rambling today is… check in with all of your loved ones, family and those who feel like family. Remind them in creative ways that you appreciate them – for me, it was discovering that a simple YouTube link with some of my favorite songs I have learned over the years would put the biggest smile on her face.

The link to one of those is below.

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Chasing that *almost* indescribable feeling.

When the water in the shower hits the perfect temperature to wake you up in the best mood.

When you hug your significant other as you walk in the door and smell their scent, the one you became obsessed with.

When the air hits your face just right as you put the car on cruise near the ocean.

When the blanket is tucked perfectly around you on the couch, letting the white noise of the television lead you into dreamland.

When a friend makes you laugh so hard, it makes all the worries of the day run right off your shoulders.

When you experience something so powerful – someone’s birth, someone’s death, someone’s conversion, someone’s recovery… that it brings you to tears.

When the grease of your family’s comfort food hits your gut and tells you that the time has come for a delightful food coma.

When a stranger approaches you and commends you on a job well done… even though you had no idea they were paying attention to your work.

The smell of freshly cut grass as you wander outside to throw a ball around with the family member you don’t get to see nearly enough.

Sitting on a porch swing with a loved one, letting the stress of the day fade away into the constant and reassuring rocking back and forth with your confidante.

To the friends who are battling to stay mentally healthy, I hope you know that you are not alone. There are so many moments worth getting up and starting your day for – don’t let the dark thoughts of depression and anxiety get in your way of experiencing them. It sounds like a major hurdle to open up and talk about it with someone, but I am always a simple message or call away whenever you’re ready.

Now – go chase that feeling.

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Oh, Beantown.

As I prepare to go back to New England for a true summer weekend, some thoughts from the past couple years continue to creep back into my mind… so naturally, I thought I would share them with my peers.

Friends and foes alike loved asking the question “why not move home” as I started a brand new life on my own again in Boston in 2017. Having only been there a year and facing a daunting task of filing for an annulment from several states away, I certainly couldn’t have been blamed for going back south to be closer to family and friends. That being said – looking back, I’m so glad I grew stubborn in my response to stay put and reinvent the wheel in an area I was only starting to get to know. The challenge of truly applying myself in the city was a welcome one, and I embraced the idea of making new friends while overcoming different challenges I wouldn’t have the chance of experiencing back home.

Unlike the ever-evolving landscape of Charlotte, Boston’s identity has been established for a long time – and honestly, that applies to much of New England as a whole. As you enter each suburb, there isn’t much of a secret in terms of the history of the people who live there and how you might expect them to treat you. To the “outside world”, they can be perceived as cold and heartless… and when I first arrived, the lack of knowledge when it came to the different terms used regionally as well as not knowing proper pronunciation of the towns… we can safely say that I was getting all the looks an outsider should have.


However, as I worked my territory in software sales, I came to realize that most of the crowd was putting up a wall out of instinct until they knew what to truly expect from someone. As long as you approached them with honest intentions and didn’t beat around the bush (things other parts of the country are clearly very well known for), they would drop that wall and extend the olive branch to you to potentially create a loyal bond for life. From Medford to Belmont to Waltham, my residences each year gave me a chance to befriend citizens from all walks of life, and really appreciate the different definitions of family and friendship that others in the same ol’ US of A call home.


The concept of being far away from family and friends in a challenging time scares a lot of people away from even entertaining the idea, and I get it. Some need that support structure there physically, and I’m not saying there weren’t moments when I craved the feeling of home. Thankfully, there were several people who became integral to my success daily in the Boston area, who weren’t afraid to give it to me straight while motivating me to reach my full potential at the same time. I will forever be grateful for having spent three quality years in a region that constantly inspired me to put my skills and creativity to the test daily and prove my worth in any given area. To experience career and relationship changes in an unfamiliar place is a thrill ride I won’t encourage everyone to get in line for… but just know that it most definitely continued to mold me into the positive and optimistic person I strive to be.


If you haven’t gotten the chance to go up to New England for a weekend, don’t just take my word for it. From Portlane, ME to Burlington, VT – Newport, RI to Cape Cod, the options for an amazing experience (to be fair, I would encourage timing it between April-October for weather purposes) are essentially endless if you wander outside of Boston. While that might intrigue you… the foodie in me craves pasta freshly made in the North End, a massive steakbomb from Bob’s, straight out the boat sushi from Monkfish, late night stuffed rice balls from Bova’s, hazy juicy IPA’s from the local watering holes… and plenty of sights to take in around town to walk it all off.


Boston – from getting me to enjoy the energy of slinging drinks again to playing music with some of the most talented people I have ever met, trying every kind of cuisine to jumping out of a perfectly good plane – you may always have the most entertaining chapter of my book.

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Let’s talk about something that sucks.

On a day where we celebrate the paternal figures in our lives, and the many ways in which they positively affect the quality of that life… some of us are facing an uphill battle. It isn’t always the most obvious thing, because this is the type of sensitive topic most would prefer to bury deep down in lieu of sharing it with anyone – even closest friends.

For some, the battle is coming to terms mentally/spiritually with the fact that we are not in control when it comes to the time and place we can become a parent. It tends to take two to tango in this equation, and there are certainly cases all around us of couples that have very different opinions than their partner on whether attempting to raise a child is what they’re called to do. While one would assume that the view on such a topic is something to be clarified early on in courtship, life circumstances and other mental barriers can absolutely interfere with two people openly sharing their dreams and desires. In several instances, this will result in the end of some relationships that no one could see coming from the outside – or at the very least, produce tension in a couple that is unexpected given how “perfect” everything tends to appear on social media.

In some instances, couples equally long for that responsibility in their life, but have to acknowledge a set order of preceding events (house buying, finances in order, engagement/marriage, etc.) before making a true attempt. Now, some will say that the social expectations have started to change – and that is usually in part to God gifting someone with a new life to care for sooner than the human “plan”/anticipation. While everyone should always respond lovingly and with care to those who find themselves in that type of spot, I think it’s safe to say that many still highly value following a more standard structure of building their family if given that option. Unfortunately, that process can take a substantial amount of time, and as strong as we like to think we all are – there are some who will break down along the way and need a helping hand to get through it.

For some, it may be a frustrating development to find out that conceiving a child is physically more difficult than what school taught you years ago. While you may long for that feeling of parenthood yourself, some bizarre medical reason may be standing in your way that causes you to question God’s will. Given the nature of these medical issues, it has often been society’s response to make those experiencing difficulty feel out of place, awkward, and sometimes even unwelcome in exchanges with those who have no issues conceiving. As a result, friends we never expected to see in a dark place all of a sudden seem distant, lost, and expressing emotion that we can’t relate to. In a time where communication seems abundant around us, it is this type of honest and open communication that becomes lost in translation – which society MUST admit is a problem needing to be addressed.

What is just as frustrating for those desperate for a family is having to go through the unbelievable barriers in place when trying to adopt a child. As a society, we tend to make the mountain of adoption not worth the climb for some couples – because the legal and financial gymnastics (among other things in the process) are too much for some to overcome. Though we have gratefully seen several success stories with friends in this realm, acknowledgement that they went through “hell and back” to make it happen can go a long way – and hugging/encouraging those who have faced the answer of “no” enough times to want to give up is just as much of a priority.

A final version of struggle that I think more people are familiar with (unfortunately) is witnessing/experiencing parental figures choose otherwise than to care for the children they chose to bring into this world. Neglect and abuse are much more visible signs of harm to a person’s wellbeing than what was mentioned previously, so society has been able to step in and address the needs of these families much faster over the years. Nevertheless, it is an avenue of misery for some… but also, I hope, an opportunity for those looking to share their love in a place they probably never thought they would look.

The TL:DR version of this? Be enormously grateful for what you have. That online post sharing pictures and talking about your parent should never replace an honest conversation in person/over the phone with them about how much they truly mean to you. Most importantly, at least with what I’ve mentioned today… always be checking in on your friends and loved ones. They may not feel comfortable sharing their battle with you at first, but reminding them that they are loved and appreciated will always help right the ship.

Love you guys.

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Who Is Your D-Wade?

This question has been repeating itself over the last 24 hours as I watch the Budweiser tribute to the basketball legend who is hanging it up after this season. Some content mastermind, who clearly appreciates the person Dwayne has been off the court throughout his life, came up with an idea for a video that should really ask that question in each of us. Who is it that continues to inspire/motivate us day in and day out?

For myself, I feel like there are several people who can fit that narrative – for a variety of reasons. In this section, I’ll start with my parents… for it continues to blow my mind how much vision they had to move our family when the opportunities presented themselves. Keep in mind – I was born in Flint, Michigan. In present day Flint, an actual city in the United States with tens of thousands of people… the water isn’t safe to drink. The government uses this town in headlines merely for political influence, rather than trying to actually help the people that so desperately need their leadership. The military uses many abandoned properties in town for target practice, because they see an opportunity of their own in what can sometimes look like a wasteland. Now, in no way am I trying to say that my parents were able to foresee the future… but they didn’t feel like they were called to be there for the long term. I can’t help but be thankful that my family was led through prayer all the way to where we are now.

After growing up as a small child in the Ohio Valley, they let me know that my teenage years would be spent in North Carolina… as they felt the Lord leading them somewhere that had more promise of nice weather, work to pursue, you name it. As a kid, I was SO bummed – why on earth would they want to move us far away from extended family and all my friends after we had gotten into such a nice groove along the Ohio River? …fast forward several years, and I turned to my dad as a college graduate thanking him for taking that risk (without having finalizing a job at the time), because I had found out that our old hometown has been the scene of some of the biggest drug busts in the country… and that most of the people involved were my age. Talk about a rush of gratitude as I started my professional career in the always growing city I have recently started calling home again – Charlotte.

In a manner of speaking, this is comparing apples and oranges. D-Wade has had a lucrative career and managed to be a source of motivation to us all by putting a lot of his income back to the community that raised him up. As much as he may have liked to pursue that dream, my dad kept his incredible tennis talents as a hobby throughout the years as he sought his real dream of being someone to listen and counsel his local community through all kinds of frustrations and disappointments, in hopes of lifting them up to better places in life. My mom was on a fast track to upper management with General Motors, but felt called to teach what she knew to a family she hoped to be blessed with – and through all of that, she has seven children that may not enjoy math as much as she does… but that are incredibly blessed and talented in many other ways.

I suppose this small story is simply trying to say: who motivates you by the choices they’ve made through life, or how they’ve responded to the curveballs consistently being thrown their way? Too often, it seems that we are only taking the opportunity to look at stories of motivation and influence *after* the fact – when someone retires or passes away. A small goal of mine is to change that narrative by constantly sharing content of inspiring stories that are active in our world, in hopes we can jump on the train while they’re still moving and play our own part accordingly.

For starters, check out Kyle Korver’s article titled “Privileged” – a powerful commentary on something completely different in professional basketball that no one likes to talk about. Then read up on Jesse Cole, who was just mentioned in Forbes for his powerful authenticity and what it can mean to your work and purpose. Hit me up to grab a drink sometime, and let’s talk about these more important things in life – or if you’re a friend I’ve made along my travels in the past few years, I’m always up my favorite way to spend a night off: a laugh via FaceTime.

Keep your smile and story infectious as always.