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Oh, Beantown.

As I prepare to go back to New England for a true summer weekend, some thoughts from the past couple years continue to creep back into my mind… so naturally, I thought I would share them with my peers.

Friends and foes alike loved asking the question “why not move home” as I started a brand new life on my own again in Boston in 2017. Having only been there a year and facing a daunting task of filing for an annulment from several states away, I certainly couldn’t have been blamed for going back south to be closer to family and friends. That being said – looking back, I’m so glad I grew stubborn in my response to stay put and reinvent the wheel in an area I was only starting to get to know. The challenge of truly applying myself in the city was a welcome one, and I embraced the idea of making new friends while overcoming different challenges I wouldn’t have the chance of experiencing back home.

Unlike the ever-evolving landscape of Charlotte, Boston’s identity has been established for a long time – and honestly, that applies to much of New England as a whole. As you enter each suburb, there isn’t much of a secret in terms of the history of the people who live there and how you might expect them to treat you. To the “outside world”, they can be perceived as cold and heartless… and when I first arrived, the lack of knowledge when it came to the different terms used regionally as well as not knowing proper pronunciation of the towns… we can safely say that I was getting all the looks an outsider should have.


However, as I worked my territory in software sales, I came to realize that most of the crowd was putting up a wall out of instinct until they knew what to truly expect from someone. As long as you approached them with honest intentions and didn’t beat around the bush (things other parts of the country are clearly very well known for), they would drop that wall and extend the olive branch to you to potentially create a loyal bond for life. From Medford to Belmont to Waltham, my residences each year gave me a chance to befriend citizens from all walks of life, and really appreciate the different definitions of family and friendship that others in the same ol’ US of A call home.


The concept of being far away from family and friends in a challenging time scares a lot of people away from even entertaining the idea, and I get it. Some need that support structure there physically, and I’m not saying there weren’t moments when I craved the feeling of home. Thankfully, there were several people who became integral to my success daily in the Boston area, who weren’t afraid to give it to me straight while motivating me to reach my full potential at the same time. I will forever be grateful for having spent three quality years in a region that constantly inspired me to put my skills and creativity to the test daily and prove my worth in any given area. To experience career and relationship changes in an unfamiliar place is a thrill ride I won’t encourage everyone to get in line for… but just know that it most definitely continued to mold me into the positive and optimistic person I strive to be.


If you haven’t gotten the chance to go up to New England for a weekend, don’t just take my word for it. From Portlane, ME to Burlington, VT – Newport, RI to Cape Cod, the options for an amazing experience (to be fair, I would encourage timing it between April-October for weather purposes) are essentially endless if you wander outside of Boston. While that might intrigue you… the foodie in me craves pasta freshly made in the North End, a massive steakbomb from Bob’s, straight out the boat sushi from Monkfish, late night stuffed rice balls from Bova’s, hazy juicy IPA’s from the local watering holes… and plenty of sights to take in around town to walk it all off.


Boston – from getting me to enjoy the energy of slinging drinks again to playing music with some of the most talented people I have ever met, trying every kind of cuisine to jumping out of a perfectly good plane – you may always have the most entertaining chapter of my book.

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Let’s talk about something that sucks.

On a day where we celebrate the paternal figures in our lives, and the many ways in which they positively affect the quality of that life… some of us are facing an uphill battle. It isn’t always the most obvious thing, because this is the type of sensitive topic most would prefer to bury deep down in lieu of sharing it with anyone – even closest friends.

For some, the battle is coming to terms mentally/spiritually with the fact that we are not in control when it comes to the time and place we can become a parent. It tends to take two to tango in this equation, and there are certainly cases all around us of couples that have very different opinions than their partner on whether attempting to raise a child is what they’re called to do. While one would assume that the view on such a topic is something to be clarified early on in courtship, life circumstances and other mental barriers can absolutely interfere with two people openly sharing their dreams and desires. In several instances, this will result in the end of some relationships that no one could see coming from the outside – or at the very least, produce tension in a couple that is unexpected given how “perfect” everything tends to appear on social media.

In some instances, couples equally long for that responsibility in their life, but have to acknowledge a set order of preceding events (house buying, finances in order, engagement/marriage, etc.) before making a true attempt. Now, some will say that the social expectations have started to change – and that is usually in part to God gifting someone with a new life to care for sooner than the human “plan”/anticipation. While everyone should always respond lovingly and with care to those who find themselves in that type of spot, I think it’s safe to say that many still highly value following a more standard structure of building their family if given that option. Unfortunately, that process can take a substantial amount of time, and as strong as we like to think we all are – there are some who will break down along the way and need a helping hand to get through it.

For some, it may be a frustrating development to find out that conceiving a child is physically more difficult than what school taught you years ago. While you may long for that feeling of parenthood yourself, some bizarre medical reason may be standing in your way that causes you to question God’s will. Given the nature of these medical issues, it has often been society’s response to make those experiencing difficulty feel out of place, awkward, and sometimes even unwelcome in exchanges with those who have no issues conceiving. As a result, friends we never expected to see in a dark place all of a sudden seem distant, lost, and expressing emotion that we can’t relate to. In a time where communication seems abundant around us, it is this type of honest and open communication that becomes lost in translation – which society MUST admit is a problem needing to be addressed.

What is just as frustrating for those desperate for a family is having to go through the unbelievable barriers in place when trying to adopt a child. As a society, we tend to make the mountain of adoption not worth the climb for some couples – because the legal and financial gymnastics (among other things in the process) are too much for some to overcome. Though we have gratefully seen several success stories with friends in this realm, acknowledgement that they went through “hell and back” to make it happen can go a long way – and hugging/encouraging those who have faced the answer of “no” enough times to want to give up is just as much of a priority.

A final version of struggle that I think more people are familiar with (unfortunately) is witnessing/experiencing parental figures choose otherwise than to care for the children they chose to bring into this world. Neglect and abuse are much more visible signs of harm to a person’s wellbeing than what was mentioned previously, so society has been able to step in and address the needs of these families much faster over the years. Nevertheless, it is an avenue of misery for some… but also, I hope, an opportunity for those looking to share their love in a place they probably never thought they would look.

The TL:DR version of this? Be enormously grateful for what you have. That online post sharing pictures and talking about your parent should never replace an honest conversation in person/over the phone with them about how much they truly mean to you. Most importantly, at least with what I’ve mentioned today… always be checking in on your friends and loved ones. They may not feel comfortable sharing their battle with you at first, but reminding them that they are loved and appreciated will always help right the ship.

Love you guys.

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Who Is Your D-Wade?

This question has been repeating itself over the last 24 hours as I watch the Budweiser tribute to the basketball legend who is hanging it up after this season. Some content mastermind, who clearly appreciates the person Dwayne has been off the court throughout his life, came up with an idea for a video that should really ask that question in each of us. Who is it that continues to inspire/motivate us day in and day out?

For myself, I feel like there are several people who can fit that narrative – for a variety of reasons. In this section, I’ll start with my parents… for it continues to blow my mind how much vision they had to move our family when the opportunities presented themselves. Keep in mind – I was born in Flint, Michigan. In present day Flint, an actual city in the United States with tens of thousands of people… the water isn’t safe to drink. The government uses this town in headlines merely for political influence, rather than trying to actually help the people that so desperately need their leadership. The military uses many abandoned properties in town for target practice, because they see an opportunity of their own in what can sometimes look like a wasteland. Now, in no way am I trying to say that my parents were able to foresee the future… but they didn’t feel like they were called to be there for the long term. I can’t help but be thankful that my family was led through prayer all the way to where we are now.

After growing up as a small child in the Ohio Valley, they let me know that my teenage years would be spent in North Carolina… as they felt the Lord leading them somewhere that had more promise of nice weather, work to pursue, you name it. As a kid, I was SO bummed – why on earth would they want to move us far away from extended family and all my friends after we had gotten into such a nice groove along the Ohio River? …fast forward several years, and I turned to my dad as a college graduate thanking him for taking that risk (without having finalizing a job at the time), because I had found out that our old hometown has been the scene of some of the biggest drug busts in the country… and that most of the people involved were my age. Talk about a rush of gratitude as I started my professional career in the always growing city I have recently started calling home again – Charlotte.

In a manner of speaking, this is comparing apples and oranges. D-Wade has had a lucrative career and managed to be a source of motivation to us all by putting a lot of his income back to the community that raised him up. As much as he may have liked to pursue that dream, my dad kept his incredible tennis talents as a hobby throughout the years as he sought his real dream of being someone to listen and counsel his local community through all kinds of frustrations and disappointments, in hopes of lifting them up to better places in life. My mom was on a fast track to upper management with General Motors, but felt called to teach what she knew to a family she hoped to be blessed with – and through all of that, she has seven children that may not enjoy math as much as she does… but that are incredibly blessed and talented in many other ways.

I suppose this small story is simply trying to say: who motivates you by the choices they’ve made through life, or how they’ve responded to the curveballs consistently being thrown their way? Too often, it seems that we are only taking the opportunity to look at stories of motivation and influence *after* the fact – when someone retires or passes away. A small goal of mine is to change that narrative by constantly sharing content of inspiring stories that are active in our world, in hopes we can jump on the train while they’re still moving and play our own part accordingly.

For starters, check out Kyle Korver’s article titled “Privileged” – a powerful commentary on something completely different in professional basketball that no one likes to talk about. Then read up on Jesse Cole, who was just mentioned in Forbes for his powerful authenticity and what it can mean to your work and purpose. Hit me up to grab a drink sometime, and let’s talk about these more important things in life – or if you’re a friend I’ve made along my travels in the past few years, I’m always up my favorite way to spend a night off: a laugh via FaceTime.

Keep your smile and story infectious as always.

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Home

  • by Ben Torres

People love to ask the question… where is home these days? Where do you call home? We seem to develop the notion that one’s home defines a lot more about the person than what ends up being the case. “Oh, so you’re a Yankee…” “Oh, so you’re from the South…”

Will everyone stop and admit that 95% of the stereotypes that we try to associate with these hometowns are absolute nonsense? I can say without a doubt that there are THOUSANDS of people from the “Bible Belt” who tend to be downright crude and inhospitable, just as there are THOUSANDS of people from the North who actually have souls and give a crap about others and their well-being.

Don’t let where you were born or raised define you – this isn’t the early 20th century, and even the grandparents that are still walking among us seem to have embraced change when you ask them. Whenever I get asked these questions, so those unfamiliar with my background can find a way to put Ben in their own “boxes of understanding”… I simply start telling my story, whether they like it or not.

I was born in Flint, Michigan. Yes, that Flint – the town devastated by tragedy that our corrupt political system chooses to make their playing card as it suits them, only to abandon its residents at the end of a campaign instead of actually helping them. My mother was working as an electrical engineer for General Motors at the time – because after all, that was the definition of a successful person who had graduated from college in the Midwest in the 80’s.

My early years were then spent in the Ohio Valley – the Ohio side of the West Virginia panhandle, to be more precise. I started working at the ripe age of 9, taking on a paper route to make enough money to buy my own bike – and even chip in on an actual piano once my skill set was developed enough to graduate from a small keyboard. My mom’s extended family and friends raised me in the tradition of Pittsburgh sports (after all, it was the closest big city), and my claim to that fandom still seems to haunt several of my friends from other parts of the world to this very day.

The family moved to North Carolina when I was in middle school… and I learned the hard way about starting over with friends and life in the midst of puberty. Though NC has now been my place of residence for longer than any other state (not to mention where I went to college and launched my professional career)… it is hard to imagine me saying that this one place alone constitutes my “home”. After all, the last 4 years of my life were spent downing queso in Austin and taking in late nights on the water in Boston – complete opposite environments from anything I had ever known up to this point.

At the end of it all… I just hope that you strive to let your personality, accomplishments, desires, and dreams define who you are – not where you have your mail sent to. As you will find out, the more you explore and the more you converse – you have a lot more in common with the person across the table from you, no matter what impression may have led you otherwise.