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This one hurts to write.

December of 2025 will be the last of my time at The Vintage Whiskey and Cigar Bar and corresponding ventures.

For the last five years, I have poured my heart and soul into hospitality concepts in the Charlotte area under the umbrella of Menagerie Hospitality, as well as GW Hospitality once Dan retired. From Figo36 Modern Italian to The Wine Loft, The Vintage Whiskey and Cigar Bar to Elsewhere Cocktail Bar, creating memorable experiences for guests (and enjoyable workplaces for staff) has been an overwhelming highlight to my professional career.

When this all started, Chelsea and I were newly married in the midst of a pandemic simply trying to navigate the chaos of life around us. Dan and Sean took a chance in late Fall 2020 on a guy with a bit of a chip on his shoulder, and the rest is history. I cannot say enough about past and present staff, vendors, and guests of each establishment – whether those businesses are still in operation today or not, the memories created on each shift will be looked back on fondly for years to come.

The creativity poured into live music sets, menu creations, humidor presentations, brand assets, and so much more… serves as a reminder that when hospitality teams are set up for success, the opportunities are near limitless. At the core of it all, my goal has been to create a haven for industry folk who want to reinvent themselves, reminding them of the reasons why they are so passionate about this line of work. With that theme in mind, the end result also allowed us to start and support our little family that God has blessed us with – there are hardly any roles in hospitality groups that would have that same ability without sacrificing much more in the work/life balance. We have seen employees recover from tough financial situations to end up starting their own businesses, overcome trauma from past work experiences to thriving inside of a supportive structure (and get recognized regionally / nationally for it), heck we’ve even seen a bunch of folks fall in love thanks to our efforts.

Nevertheless, everyone reaches that moment where tougher decisions have to be made. When a precious child asks why I can’t tuck her in bed that night and have to say our prayers over FaceTime instead, it pulls my heartstrings in every possible direction. When life’s curveballs continue to force changes in plans to catch up with dear friends who help keep each other grounded (or even plan the occasional date night), it starts begging the question of whether the time has come to make an adjustment to better my own situation… even if it may mean stepping away from a group that I truly consider my second family, a concept that is my home away from home.

I am grateful that I have found an opportunity to continue developing several of these relationships in a different capacity, which I will share more about later. For now, I simply want to express the gratitude in my heart: to Dan and anyone who has put in time on our teams, to Sean and anyone who has contributed their artistic talents in our spaces, to every single person who saw value in becoming an annual member and frequenting our concepts, to every single vendor who helped bring our ideas to life through their portfolios and contributing visions. I hope each of us will help The Vintage and similar small businesses continue to grow in our own unique ways, and look forward to having some time to catch up with you all outside of the workplace soon.

I hope you all know how hard of a decision this is, that it is one being made in hopes of bettering my family / friendships / faith and so much more while continuing to play some part (though in admission, a much smaller one) in helping these places become the best at what they do. We have accomplished so much together as a community that formed at a moment in time when one was desperately needed, and I will cherish that aspect for the rest of my days. This is simply a change so that I can cherish the timing of seeing these little ones reach new milestones, to take my bride out on the town once more, to throw one back with some friends – which are all overdue.

Until we cut, light, and connect again…

– Ben

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Complete, utter word vomit.

I doubt any of this is going to make sense, but I think it showcases just how bizarre how capable the mind is in wandering all over the spectrum… and I hope it will let my thoughts simmer as I try to continue to be present with my family, my work, and everything else going on in my own life.

Guys, I played music for a school’s first Mass of the year a few days ago. Such joy and excitement on everyone’s faces to be together again… without even the slightest thought of being in danger.

I choked up last night when my oldest choose a book for me to read to her about a character’s first day at school. How, out of all the books, did she pick that one.

The middle child asked to sing lullabies after the longest phase ever of not wanting any of that as part of her bedtime routine. I could barely keep it together for her.

Our youngest started rolling over a couple days ago, and is now laughing at nearly everything his older sisters do – each of these advancements our children make are precious to us, and we try to take as much time as we can to treasure them as they grow.

There are parents who have had those opportunities with their children ripped away in an instant, in a scenario previously only possible in the minds of the worst writers of fiction.

Imagine being a parent expecting to come home, cook dinner, and talk about all the things their child learned that day while at the table together. Instead, they have paparazzi outside their home to catch a glimpse of what used to be – after the worst 24 hours of their lives talking to first responders and the like. They took the beloved “first day” picture this week, and will now have to decide on an picture of their child to use for funeral arrangements. I think most of you know me well enough to know that if this were to be any closer to home than it already is, I would need to be put in a straight jacket – because there is no telling what my response would be to the raw emotion (and I’m already pissed off as is).

No one should ever, ever, be put in this situation. Of course, there are things outside of our control (i.e. natural disasters) where the worst can happen. But this? We have the ability as members of society to make a difference, and yet everyone is so desensitized to this type of incident that many folks are simply going about their lives today. I vividly recall one of my staff members running out the door after getting a phone call so long ago (they grew up around Sandy Hook and knew almost everyone involved), and am appalled that our country has failed to protect some of our most vulnerable all these years later. Flags at half mast for a few days? Cool. Then what?

If your political representatives won’t pick up the phone or respond to your e-mail, make a trip to their office. Knock on the heavy door until security escorts you, and scream at the top of your lungs about how you feel. Show others in your community how much it matters, until something finally clicks in their own heads. There isn’t a single material thing I wouldn’t give up to save the life of a child, and I can only hope that hearts around us can feel warmth once more to share that level of compassion.

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A note to my children.

One day, you’ll be old enough to browse the internet and find all the random musings your father has ever published for everyone to find. Be sure to check the dates on some of these, because I am certain my memory will start to fade as I tell you stories that may or may not align with the chronological order they happened in. Full disclosure – there is likely some content online that will embarrass you (no one said I was a great musician, I just enjoy it to no end – and good grief, my stints as a guest on podcasts never cease to entertain), but hopefully it will make for some quality conversations with your mom and myself as the years go on.

I constantly try to remember to take the time to be present with you in these early years – and though I should probably be sleeping the same time you are, I can’t help but take that time to contemplate about how else I can be making your lives better with my decisions (that is, of course, while helping your mother with the laundry and dishes). As you will quickly learn, some aspects of living are simply beyond our control with the hands we are dealt by our society – but I am relieved to be surrounded by so many friends and family who are discontent with the status quo and determined to help things improve by the time comes for you to venture out on your own as adults.

You have an incredible extended family (including some honorary aunts and uncles) to rely on, and my prayer is that you never take it for granted. Both sides of our family have an immense amount of love to share, and you have been showered with it in your early years – for which your mother and I will forever be grateful. As we prepare to welcome your baby brother into the world in a couple weeks, the weight of balancing work with home can be heavy at times – but our support system around us has been instrumental to help us in whatever way we need. All that to say, don’t hesitate to ask for help – no matter how heavy or light the burden may feel.

My thoughts are all over the place these days, but it seems vital to be sharing them in moments like this. I often let the chaos of life interrupt the frequency of my posts, and that seems to be okay with most of the folks who surround me. I can only hope that, with our time together, you will feel just as confident in sharing your thoughts and feelings in your own unique ways as you grow (even if they currently resemble emotional meltdowns typically reserved for your teenage years).

May our shared laughter, songs, and dances throughout the weeks continue to uplift your spirits and empower you to share your gifts with everyone we come to know in our lives. I hope that your mother and I continue to make you proud in building this family and life together, and that we remind each other to frequently take the time to appreciate the many blessings we have been given.

Love, Daddy.

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Just hang the damn ornaments.

Those who know me well enough are WELL aware of my disgust for those around us who start playing Christmas music on November 1st. There are so many other events in November we have to get out of the way first – All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving… alas, the consumer greed kicks in no matter what I say. Add in the fact that so many of you throw the stuff out a day or two after Christmas (when we should be celebrating THROUGH January 6th, but I digress), and you can pick up what I’m putting down.

This past weekend, I found myself faced with a small conundrum. With a rare day off, there was an opportunity to be quite productive in the new home since we have been living out of boxes for the last few weeks. However, my lovely red-headed daughters had very different plans – as they were determined to set out our Christmas decorations to compliment the neighbors who had already done so.

Naturally, the idea seemed rather offensive to me at the surface level. How could my own offspring suggest such an atrocious idea? *Dad mode kicks in* Because they see sparkles, glitter, and all the pretty lights, you dumb dumb. Just because logic and reason works in your favor at the age of 36 doesn’t mean an intelligent 3 year old will grasp the concept of patience being a virtue in this instance (let alone my bride, who quickly sided with her daughter in hopes this meant trips to Hobby Lobby and other specialty stores for even more decorations).

As parents, we learn quickly to pick our battles wisely. While I could certainly stand my ground (as I began to) on principles I have held near and dear… those principles were also being applied in very different phases of life. Who says you can’t assemble that deck box in the garage while the girls unwrap ornaments? Who says you can’t go hunting through a dozen tubs for the constantly missing TV remote while they find the perfect place to position the wooden reindeer in the living room?

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is this – the lesson I learned this weekend is to not let the list of action items you have get in the way of making precious memories with your little ones. Of course, the list of things I need to tackle is never-ending… but they won’t be this little for very long, and I will treasure the looks on their faces when they saw the finished product of a decorated tree for the rest of my life.

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This is 36.

I emotionally collapse when my daughter asks “do you HAVE to go to work today”? 

When I plug into my work, it brings me incredible amounts of joy – to see the fruits of labor immediately, unlike other industries or career paths. The ideal guest experience is the ultimate pursuit, and getting to craft concepts to that end since the pandemic has truly been a blessing.

I have never felt more politically homeless in my life. Every suggested option for local, state, or federal is brought to us from the depths of Hell.

I often get frustrated with myself for not going to the gym more often, and even more frustrated looking at the time spent during the week searching for times when I could have gone.

I’m reaching the point where alcohol doesn’t do my aching mind or body any favors – but there are other things out there that do, and I’m incredibly grateful for them.

There are days I still refresh the bank app hoping to see an unexpected large sum be deposited into the bank account – yet I have no idea where it would be coming from, because winning the lottery requires playing it more often.

I am very optimistic about the future of the Church, both here and abroad, largely due to the levels of vocations AND laity commitments to bettering our situations no matter what the circumstances may be.

I stood up the “wrong way” this morning and now my back will ache the rest of the day. Getting adjusted at the chiropractor is now considered the ultimate self-care.

I know I’m old when… I have no shirts to wear, because I hate taking the time to iron them – but remain pissed off at my favorite dry cleaners for nearly doubling their prices.

I also know I’m old when all the mainstream music being made today absolutely sucks, yet every playlist pre-2010 has nothing but bangers.

Playing music continues to be the ultimate outlet for stress, pain, joy, you name it – I’m so glad I have kept up with it, even if I don’t get to practice as often, and “practice” these days looks like accompanying Elizabeth as she sings lullabies to everyone.

Regardless of how gloomy our political and societal outlook is, I somehow continue to remain hopeful that with each smile and conversation… I can try to make the day a little bit better for each person I interact with. If we all aimed to do that with our actions and responses this week, I’m pretty confident the impact would be overwhelmingly noticeable.

My thoughts go all over the place, all day every day. Not sure I would have it any other way. This is 36.

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Yes Donald, I can make bold statements too.

As that terrible season of life circles back around (unfortunately) – several of you have encouraged me over the years to run for political office… while that will likely never happen, I do acknowledge the importance of everyone being aware of one’s stances on the important things in life – so without further adieu, here is what you need to know about some of my beliefs – political, satirical, or otherwise.

I believe that in order for us to have better qualified candidates for major offices, we must create standards around comprehension / faculties that limit those who should be enjoying retirement and time with their loved ones from making a mockery of what we grew up believing is a dignified title to hold. I understand that there are a TON of these people holding office and that getting majority on a ruling to make such a change will take more time than I’d like ,but it will at least be a start. The lobbying friends on either side are currently dictating how we must live our lives, and increasing politician net worth as a result. Yet several influential leaders are still asking for pay raises – when I’ve talked to more people than I’d like to admit in the last three weeks that are starting to worry about prioritizing which bills to pay first… which is eerily similar to what us millennials saw happen in 2008.

I believe that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time – in the manner of which the sport was meant to be played. LeBron James is a freak athlete similar (and superior) to those we watched play multiple professional sports at the same time in the 90’s – and his endurance over the years is to be commended – but the game of basketball he competes in is more of a 3 Point Contest at the All-Star Game than an actual season of wear and tear on the body. Kobe is actually my #2, for what it’s worth.

I believe that the Department of Transportation in each state should immediately fire any personnel who schedules road work to be done during rush hour on any road, ever. I also believe that citizens should be empowered to put points on their fellow man’s drivers license when they witness them being complete idiots and ignoring all common sense on the roads we have to take every single day.

I believe that big pharmaceutical companies are actively trying to ruin our lives to fatten their wallets, not improve them like their euphoric commercials on television tend to suggest. I also believe that people are doing more harm than good by choosing to ignore the simple fact that all things cannabis, which are natural and given to us by God, work better in nearly every scenario that big pharma tries to maintain a monopoly over.

I believe that gambling is a terrible addiction that is quickly impacting more people in a very negative manner. The fact that every major media outlet now has their own platforms for doing just this makes it as easy a click of a button… and those that are already in major financial holes are digging themselves deeper for the sake of winning a parlay. There is no doubt that it is now impacting the results of games that most of us cherish watching for the natural outcome – something we would stone others for doing a couple decades ago, but now seems entirely commonplace.

I believe that we are in real danger culturally of abandoning creativity for the sake of nostalgia. While my endorphin levels skyrocket as high as any other millennial when I hear certain tracks be reused or plotlines be reinvented for the sake of getting us to the box office, these works also tend to dilute the quality of art that surrounds us. The arts must continue to be embraced at every level in society, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way – let our wallets do the talking, support local, and be a primary source of support for those in your network pursuing such activity either full-time or on the side.

I believe that South Park – yes, that animated TV show your parents hated hearing the language of – is one of the most brilliant pieces of television that future generations will continue to reference long after we’re gone. What they have done to put every corner of society in check over the years is nothing short of remarkable, and I am forever grateful to the network overlords for never pulling the plug on something that will continue to provide all the reasoning people need when trying to process various overreactions to life issues.

I believe – and people are starting to realize this more often, which is great – that how we choose to educate our children is completely in our hands, no matter what others try to convince you of. This is something no one in society can shove down our throats, and it must be celebrated – rather than some current situations where children are being taught (by their parents’ examples) to mock those who may come from a chartered school, were homeschooled, had a different format because of abilities, you name it. We have such a special gift in this country to mold our children in the manner in which we deem to be the best way for them to pursue a vocation / career as well as acclimate to society… and I hope we never let anyone get in the way of continuing that.

That’s all I got for now – what are some interesting beliefs that would have your friends and family raising an eyebrow at you?

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The significance of a tree.

  • by Ben Torres

I honestly have not had a Christmas tree in my place of residence for several years… in fact, other than a “Charlie Brown” equivalent for a couple occasions, it has been nearly 15 years since having a legit-sized tree to put up and decorate. Granted, I have been on the move – packing up a moving truck every year since 2014 and going to another neighborhood (if not another state altogether). At the core, the places I have called “home” have merely been stops along the way – with a handful of nice memories to take away from each. There can be all the excuses for being a Grinch and not celebrating by way of decor as everyone else does, and I likely cited all of them in the past.

This may seem trivial to some, but having gone through the process for the first time in what feels like forever… bear with me. Black Friday certainly does not have the significance it once did in getting up at the crack of dawn to feed my consumer greed – instead, we bundled up our newborn and headed to Home Depot to get a tree and decorations for the yard. While I may have grimaced at first when the wife suggested such an idea (cue memories of having to untangle lights in knots that no Boy Scout is capable of undoing), I found that it brought me immense comfort and joy to bond together over decorating and preparing our home for our Savior’s birth. Furthermore, it cemented the fact that life now consists of having made a home with my new little family – and while it might look like the simple gesture that most do to “play their part” when the holiday rolls around… this one simply feels different.

I’m sure part of this has to do with the fact that I now get to watch my newborn child’s eyes LIGHT up when seeing the colors sparkle as they bounce off the various ornaments we scrapped together. Another part is seeing the joy it brings my wife to prepare our home for the occasion, and the tangible realization that we are indeed growing as individuals and together with every challenge and opportunity that comes our way. There are so many negative things happening in the world that could affect our mindset in this season – sometimes it really is the simple, small things like plugging in the lights Clark Griswold-style and stepping back to enjoy the view with the ones you love.

No matter what life throws at you this month, I hope that in the midst of the world’s current level of noise and chaos that some of you can manage to find a similar feeling this Advent season.

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Oh, Little One.

For years, I have often broken down in prayer asking why I was having to go through so many tribulations – while watching others (and still being extremely happy for them all the while) be blessed with new life in their families. Whether adopted or naturally conceived, children were coming into the lives of my family and friends while I was having to overcome personal battles that I wouldn’t ask anyone else to endure. While I happily play the role of the fun and crazy uncle (honorary or otherwise), I couldn’t help but wonder at times what the Lord had in store for me when it came to my own family.

Elizabeth Wray, there is no doubt that your entrance into our lives will change the way we operate on the daily – but in just about every aspect, that will be an amazing thing. I already thrive on a lack of sleep, so no biggie there… nevertheless, I hope you have your mother’s ability to sleep and sleep well!

The world that you are about to experience is one that is filled with blessings and challenges. There are days when there aren’t enough words to console those around us, and yet there are also days when we can’t stop smiling and laughing at what happened to us that day. I can only hope that your presence in this world will bring incredible joy to those who get to meet you, and that you manage to snag a bit of the good in both of your parents (but most certainly more of your mother’s, since she manages to rise above the madness with only a Starbucks in her hand).

We are about three months away from you gracing us with your arrival, and time can’t go by fast enough for me. I willingly embrace all the challenges that will come with being a girl dad, and can only hope that I live up to some of the expectations that I set for myself when it comes to being your father.

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The complex question of existence.

My grandmother had a comment the other day, as Chelsea and I drove up to visit with her, that caught me completely off guard. “Do you ever have that feeling – it comes and goes – when you start to wonder if you truly exist in this moment?” She then followed up the statement by paying me an incredible compliment, stating that by listening to my recording that I sent her of me playing the piano that she felt reminded that she most certainly exists – and in the best way possible.

On one hand, it scared the crap out of me. I never want my Nana to feel like that, and I want to do everything in my power to make her feel loved, appreciated, empowered – anything to help her feel like she does exist in this present moment (rather than the past that we enjoy reflecting on). In undergrad, most of us go through the core course that has us reflect on “I think, therefore I am” (Descartes) – but we often don’t take the time to truly ponder philosophical battles internally as the years go by faster and faster.

On the other hand, she was able to put into different words what some of us with mental health battles can often not describe to our therapists and doctors. There are indeed times in our lives when – even for a mere few minutes in the afternoon – there is some imbalance (call it chemical, emotional, spiritual) when we feel like we are simply observing life happening all around us, rather than being active participants. This may not actually be a lack of “existence” per se, but with word association you can quickly reach a more precise definition of the feeling – that sometimes, we feel like we don’t matter, that what we do with our day may not impact others at all. Thankfully, there are many opportunities to course correct ourselves into understanding the vast opportunities we have at our disposal on a daily basis… but it doesn’t negate the fact that the feeling will persist.

It would seem that the older generations have struggled with this pandemic and the mental struggles that result in a completely different way than most, in part because they have been so accustomed to frequent interactions with their children / grandkids / extended family that have either been in new formats (i.e. Zoom/video) or simply nonexistent if they struggle to figure out how to utilize the technology we “youngins” rely on so easily to get us through periods of quarantine and/or isolation. Since our society continues to move away from old school letters in the mail and other traditional ways of reminding our older family members how much we love them… it is up to us to step up and find new ways to incorporate their presence / existence into our daily lives.

I guess the point of this rambling today is… check in with all of your loved ones, family and those who feel like family. Remind them in creative ways that you appreciate them – for me, it was discovering that a simple YouTube link with some of my favorite songs I have learned over the years would put the biggest smile on her face.

The link to one of those is below.

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Chasing that *almost* indescribable feeling.

When the water in the shower hits the perfect temperature to wake you up in the best mood.

When you hug your significant other as you walk in the door and smell their scent, the one you became obsessed with.

When the air hits your face just right as you put the car on cruise near the ocean.

When the blanket is tucked perfectly around you on the couch, letting the white noise of the television lead you into dreamland.

When a friend makes you laugh so hard, it makes all the worries of the day run right off your shoulders.

When you experience something so powerful – someone’s birth, someone’s death, someone’s conversion, someone’s recovery… that it brings you to tears.

When the grease of your family’s comfort food hits your gut and tells you that the time has come for a delightful food coma.

When a stranger approaches you and commends you on a job well done… even though you had no idea they were paying attention to your work.

The smell of freshly cut grass as you wander outside to throw a ball around with the family member you don’t get to see nearly enough.

Sitting on a porch swing with a loved one, letting the stress of the day fade away into the constant and reassuring rocking back and forth with your confidante.

To the friends who are battling to stay mentally healthy, I hope you know that you are not alone. There are so many moments worth getting up and starting your day for – don’t let the dark thoughts of depression and anxiety get in your way of experiencing them. It sounds like a major hurdle to open up and talk about it with someone, but I am always a simple message or call away whenever you’re ready.

Now – go chase that feeling.