Just hang the damn ornaments.

Those who know me well enough are WELL aware of my disgust for those around us who start playing Christmas music on November 1st. There are so many other events in November we have to get out of the way first – All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving… alas, the consumer greed kicks in no matter what I say. Add in the fact that so many of you throw the stuff out a day or two after Christmas (when we should be celebrating THROUGH January 6th, but I digress), and you can pick up what I’m putting down.

This past weekend, I found myself faced with a small conundrum. With a rare day off, there was an opportunity to be quite productive in the new home since we have been living out of boxes for the last few weeks. However, my lovely red-headed daughters had very different plans – as they were determined to set out our Christmas decorations to compliment the neighbors who had already done so.

Naturally, the idea seemed rather offensive to me at the surface level. How could my own offspring suggest such an atrocious idea? *Dad mode kicks in* Because they see sparkles, glitter, and all the pretty lights, you dumb dumb. Just because logic and reason works in your favor at the age of 36 doesn’t mean an intelligent 3 year old will grasp the concept of patience being a virtue in this instance (let alone my bride, who quickly sided with her daughter in hopes this meant trips to Hobby Lobby and other specialty stores for even more decorations).

As parents, we learn quickly to pick our battles wisely. While I could certainly stand my ground (as I began to) on principles I have held near and dear… those principles were also being applied in very different phases of life. Who says you can’t assemble that deck box in the garage while the girls unwrap ornaments? Who says you can’t go hunting through a dozen tubs for the constantly missing TV remote while they find the perfect place to position the wooden reindeer in the living room?

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is this – the lesson I learned this weekend is to not let the list of action items you have get in the way of making precious memories with your little ones. Of course, the list of things I need to tackle is never-ending… but they won’t be this little for very long, and I will treasure the looks on their faces when they saw the finished product of a decorated tree for the rest of my life.

You all keep asking for it…

I don’t know why I keep being asked for my opinions on various political / societal matters, but you get what you ask for.

When people mention a “trickle-down” effect nowadays, they clearly aren’t referring to decisions around money, but rather the impact attitudes at the federal level begin to influence those below them. I have never seen such divisiveness when it comes to local and state elections, and the fact that people stoop to these levels saddens me deeply. The content being put on TV and socials for us to consume regarding each candidate is downright crude, the quality memes – while humorous – do not make up for the fact that it all sucks, and the first Tuesday in November couldn’t come fast enough.

When I talk with people living outside the U.S., it becomes bluntly obvious that the reason for our current chaotic state is because we the people have been complacent and allowed those in power to not only remain in their cozy offices, but enabled them to control the markets and stumble into truly murky waters of what politicians should / shouldn’t do in their spare time (let alone what they do when they’re actually at work). The colonists who founded our country got pissed at the Brits for taxes ranging 5-7%… now go check your IRS paperwork from last year and see what you gave Uncle Sam. Why aren’t we having a modern day tea party reaction to what our government is doing to us?

Most of you should know by now that I despise both of the camps that control this nonsense equally. They are BOTH controlled by people with more money than they know what to do with, whose agendas could not look any more different from the average American. They trot out candidates in the name of democracy, only to then undermine the very idea of democracy throughout the process. Third-party efforts continue to be scrutinized by everyone (and sued to oblivion when they actually pose a threat), even though most are sincere efforts to try and point out the flaws of the two that the majority of our voting population blindly clings to every cycle. Do your neighbors a favor and change your party affiliation on record, because they will keep the status quo as long as 80% of the country identifies with the elephant or donkey. A single party needs just 5% of our nation’s support to guarantee federal funding for future cycles – surely we can agree that would be a good thing to have.

Each of us has love for our community, and there are a variety of ways to show that love – some volunteer their time, some donate funds they can spare, some do a generous combination of both… it all comes from a place deep down of wanting to see things get better for our city / state / country. Please keep that in mind when you jump to respond to the latest viral video about something a candidate may or may not have done 20 years ago (which at this point, how do we even tell if the stories are generated by AI or are actually real). No matter where you live in the United States, put your time and talents where your mouth is if you are truly fed up with the system – don’t sit back and expect a red or blue “wave” in an election cycle to fix anything. Scream the phrase Term Limits until you lose your voice, because without those in place no substantial change will ever take place.

Perhaps, just maybe, if we had servants of the people who returned to the task of caring for those who elect them (and having that desire to care for them be the main reason they run for office)… we would all feel a bit better about where we live than we currently do.

Why do we expect perfection?

Sorry not sorry, but this is going to be an odd combination of thoughts that have kept me pre-occupied while driving the last couple weeks. The drama that people have created around Olympic opening ceremonies, the turmoil around the disaster of a political season this is, the continued post-pandemic chaos where people are still ridiculed for wearing masks in public… why are we constantly trying to be at odds with one another?

Are these issues well-founded… or is everyone just looking for a reason to be upset with each other? For crying out loud, the Olympic ceremonies haven’t been “normal” in decades. An artistic expression that some may find interesting, some may find beautiful, and some won’t understand – wander into any art gallery these days, and that’s exactly what you’ll find. Does it detract from the goal of celebrating these athletes and what they have worked so hard for? Certainly. However, none of us volunteered to serve on the Paris 2024 Planning Committee – so it really isn’t our place to make this kind of judgment… especially when our children are at risk of losing funding for the programs at school that could help them achieve similar extracurricular goals if they so chose to pursue them. Why don’t you direct your focus there instead?

The subject line implies my thought process over the last few days… why would anyone run for political office at this critical point of our society? Some journalist is going to pull up a story from college about how the candidate did a keg stand freshman year of college, and someone will read their spin on the story and decide something about it was offensive. Instead of focusing on the issues at hand and getting their message out to potentially undecided voters, the campaign has to focus the majority of their time on damage control with something that hasn’t impacted anyone’s lives (and won’t impact anyone) – ever.

We seem to have our minds made up that it is the responsibility of athletes, celebrities, political figures, and the like… to achieve perfection in whatever it is they do. Newsflash – we are human. It is in our nature to make mistakes (just ask Adam and Eve), and it is part of our DNA no matter how much you try to ignore that. We wonder why the pool of options of who to vote for is so abysmal, but we also TERRORIZE whoever steps up and volunteers. Look at how badly past Presidents and high-ranking officials have aged in the past 20 years – we as a society put them through hell and still expect smiling faces, perfect pronunciation, and immaculate decision-making whenever they are in public. It simply can’t happen, but we lean into major media outlets to tell us how we should feel about those mistakes and weird looks, and it creates more of a hellscape in social media AND our actual, very real daily lives when it doesn’t have to.

Children used to dream of becoming professional athletes, and often still do – but now have to decide if paparazzi following their every move is worth the contract they are in pursuit of. We see these insane numbers in the NBA / NFL / MLB, only to then calculate they get about 50% of the number after taxes and fees, have to pay an absurd amount for security to keep themselves and their families safe from the scrutiny (and to those of you sending death threats to people’s homes after they miss a field goal… please get yourself some help)… it makes no sense. Why would anyone volunteer to be the face of any major organization when the backlash has become this fierce? Self-harm and the taking of own lives continues to be a major issue in our society, but we get mocked by others when we try to suggest that pursuing mental health should be a priority for everyone (and that those resources need to be more readily available) – especially for those in precarious positions.

If you got this far in my rambling, I appreciate you. I know you tend to scroll past when I suggest that you vote anything other than Republican or Democrat… but if you continue to believe that one side is better than the other, we are going to be doing this same song and dance in four years – unless a civil war breaks out before then. There are SO MANY OTHER THINGS that deserve our time and attention: the fact that several people can’t get jobs right now because corporations have made the process inaccessible, the fact that there are neighbors of yours who will have to choose tonight between paying a past due bill or feeding their family, the fact that technological advances are crippling our ability to remain decent human beings with purpose… I can go on and on. Come grab a drink and smoke with me sometime on the porch and talk about it if you’d like – but please, stop wasting time spewing nonsense on platforms (keep in mind, this is also a reminder to myself) when we have so many other good things to be doing with our time and talents.

This is 36.

I emotionally collapse when my daughter asks “do you HAVE to go to work today”? 

When I plug into my work, it brings me incredible amounts of joy – to see the fruits of labor immediately, unlike other industries or career paths. The ideal guest experience is the ultimate pursuit, and getting to craft concepts to that end since the pandemic has truly been a blessing.

I have never felt more politically homeless in my life. Every suggested option for local, state, or federal is brought to us from the depths of Hell.

I often get frustrated with myself for not going to the gym more often, and even more frustrated looking at the time spent during the week searching for times when I could have gone.

I’m reaching the point where alcohol doesn’t do my aching mind or body any favors – but there are other things out there that do, and I’m incredibly grateful for them.

There are days I still refresh the bank app hoping to see an unexpected large sum be deposited into the bank account – yet I have no idea where it would be coming from, because winning the lottery requires playing it more often.

I am very optimistic about the future of the Church, both here and abroad, largely due to the levels of vocations AND laity commitments to bettering our situations no matter what the circumstances may be.

I stood up the “wrong way” this morning and now my back will ache the rest of the day. Getting adjusted at the chiropractor is now considered the ultimate self-care.

I know I’m old when… I have no shirts to wear, because I hate taking the time to iron them – but remain pissed off at my favorite dry cleaners for nearly doubling their prices.

I also know I’m old when all the mainstream music being made today absolutely sucks, yet every playlist pre-2010 has nothing but bangers.

Playing music continues to be the ultimate outlet for stress, pain, joy, you name it – I’m so glad I have kept up with it, even if I don’t get to practice as often, and “practice” these days looks like accompanying Elizabeth as she sings lullabies to everyone.

Regardless of how gloomy our political and societal outlook is, I somehow continue to remain hopeful that with each smile and conversation… I can try to make the day a little bit better for each person I interact with. If we all aimed to do that with our actions and responses this week, I’m pretty confident the impact would be overwhelmingly noticeable.

My thoughts go all over the place, all day every day. Not sure I would have it any other way. This is 36.

Yes Donald, I can make bold statements too.

As that terrible season of life circles back around (unfortunately) – several of you have encouraged me over the years to run for political office… while that will likely never happen, I do acknowledge the importance of everyone being aware of one’s stances on the important things in life – so without further adieu, here is what you need to know about some of my beliefs – political, satirical, or otherwise.

I believe that in order for us to have better qualified candidates for major offices, we must create standards around comprehension / faculties that limit those who should be enjoying retirement and time with their loved ones from making a mockery of what we grew up believing is a dignified title to hold. I understand that there are a TON of these people holding office and that getting majority on a ruling to make such a change will take more time than I’d like ,but it will at least be a start. The lobbying friends on either side are currently dictating how we must live our lives, and increasing politician net worth as a result. Yet several influential leaders are still asking for pay raises – when I’ve talked to more people than I’d like to admit in the last three weeks that are starting to worry about prioritizing which bills to pay first… which is eerily similar to what us millennials saw happen in 2008.

I believe that Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time – in the manner of which the sport was meant to be played. LeBron James is a freak athlete similar (and superior) to those we watched play multiple professional sports at the same time in the 90’s – and his endurance over the years is to be commended – but the game of basketball he competes in is more of a 3 Point Contest at the All-Star Game than an actual season of wear and tear on the body. Kobe is actually my #2, for what it’s worth.

I believe that the Department of Transportation in each state should immediately fire any personnel who schedules road work to be done during rush hour on any road, ever. I also believe that citizens should be empowered to put points on their fellow man’s drivers license when they witness them being complete idiots and ignoring all common sense on the roads we have to take every single day.

I believe that big pharmaceutical companies are actively trying to ruin our lives to fatten their wallets, not improve them like their euphoric commercials on television tend to suggest. I also believe that people are doing more harm than good by choosing to ignore the simple fact that all things cannabis, which are natural and given to us by God, work better in nearly every scenario that big pharma tries to maintain a monopoly over.

I believe that gambling is a terrible addiction that is quickly impacting more people in a very negative manner. The fact that every major media outlet now has their own platforms for doing just this makes it as easy a click of a button… and those that are already in major financial holes are digging themselves deeper for the sake of winning a parlay. There is no doubt that it is now impacting the results of games that most of us cherish watching for the natural outcome – something we would stone others for doing a couple decades ago, but now seems entirely commonplace.

I believe that we are in real danger culturally of abandoning creativity for the sake of nostalgia. While my endorphin levels skyrocket as high as any other millennial when I hear certain tracks be reused or plotlines be reinvented for the sake of getting us to the box office, these works also tend to dilute the quality of art that surrounds us. The arts must continue to be embraced at every level in society, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way – let our wallets do the talking, support local, and be a primary source of support for those in your network pursuing such activity either full-time or on the side.

I believe that South Park – yes, that animated TV show your parents hated hearing the language of – is one of the most brilliant pieces of television that future generations will continue to reference long after we’re gone. What they have done to put every corner of society in check over the years is nothing short of remarkable, and I am forever grateful to the network overlords for never pulling the plug on something that will continue to provide all the reasoning people need when trying to process various overreactions to life issues.

I believe – and people are starting to realize this more often, which is great – that how we choose to educate our children is completely in our hands, no matter what others try to convince you of. This is something no one in society can shove down our throats, and it must be celebrated – rather than some current situations where children are being taught (by their parents’ examples) to mock those who may come from a chartered school, were homeschooled, had a different format because of abilities, you name it. We have such a special gift in this country to mold our children in the manner in which we deem to be the best way for them to pursue a vocation / career as well as acclimate to society… and I hope we never let anyone get in the way of continuing that.

That’s all I got for now – what are some interesting beliefs that would have your friends and family raising an eyebrow at you?

Different types of pain – and why their acknowledgement…

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who have PTSD years later – from being the one who found a loved one dead by suicide – from trying to save someone close who ended up drowning – from witnessing a grotesque and fatal car accident involving someone they knew.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who are grieving – from having a pregnancy end in one of the worst ways imaginable – from losing someone to a brutal terminal illness no one anticipated – from having someone they trusted more than anyone else abandon them.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who are terrified of making a major change in their life – because of the retaliation (physical, emotional, or otherwise) they fear will result, that they will make an even bigger mistake by not committing to the change, and that doing nothing will haunt their thoughts the rest of their days.

There are friends you’re talking to frequently who hide it the best they can – but are nearing a literal point of drowning when it comes to debt and finances – who see every possible avenue as one that digs them a deeper hole – who have exhausted their resources to keep things afloat this long, and who will start resorting to crime

None of these should be measured on a scale as one being worse than another – currently, many of these folks are holding back from sharing about their experiences because they think others won’t understand, or that they will be looked at differently for sharing, or even worse – because they doubt the efforts of anyone else would help the cause. As you try to identify a way for you to help a loved one, remember to be empathetic – make sure to acknowledge that everyone’s struggles are valid and are not to be compared or judged.

For our society to stand any chance at restoring some common decency and core values among ourselves, we have to be willing to commit to a few steps that may sound simple – but they’re not, and they could mean the difference in helping remind those around us that they are loved and appreciated. Sometimes they will simply need someone to listen, sometimes they will need someone to respond and provide suggestions on what to do. Get comfortable with the difference, don’t be afraid to be honest if the problem is in an area outside of your network / expertise, and offer to at least guide them in the right direction now that they’ve taken a great first step in being willing to talk to you about it.

We might not have the ability to solve all of the world’s problems individually – but there are a lot of individual efforts we can each take on to get some base hits for our team in this game called life. Just remember, if you find yourself asking if you are a “good enough” parent / sibling / coworker / teammate / friend – only the good ones keep asking that question.

Men Are Broken.

There is no denying it at this point – we all have men in our network of friends, peers, and families that are struggling with major life issues… and more often than not, they are hesitant to share that struggle with anyone out of fear of being shamed, ridiculed, bullied, or simply more isolated than they already feel.

There are men I have spoken to in the last year that have turned to disastrous choices, including some choosing to make attempts on their own lives. Some have reached that decision due to unfathomable tragedies that have occurred in their lives (loss of family members, loss of work they held dear, pain caused by words/action of themselves or others that caused strife), others feel they have no other choice when they are constantly surrounded by negativity with no positive outlook to turn to. I am sick to my stomach hearing about suicide becoming as prevalent as it is in our society in this moment, and am determined to find something that can be done about it.

I am no counselor – that’s my dad’s professional line of work – however, I am beyond empathetic to a fault, and will hear out anyone who needs someone in that capacity. I’m not writing these things down to suggest I have any of the answers either; rather, I want to make sure that I take the time to tell those around me that you are not alone in your battle. It might feel like no one else can relate to what you’re going through, and you need to know that feeling is some form of evil at work – because most of us can relate to these situations, whether we admit it publicly or not.

Please help me destroy the assumptions / stereotypes that men have to constantly be strong, because the truth is that we all need moments and spaces where we can be vulnerable in order to process the amount of chaos in our daily lives. If everyone operated under the premise that each and every human occasionally needs that support system (or sometimes, just a little time away from the distractions and obligations to reset), our culture would be nowhere near as toxic as it feels it is today.

As my new pin I found on the interwebs reminds me, it’s okay for your serotonin to be store bought. It’s alright to admit that you aren’t capable of handling a task or assignment some days, and to ask for someone else to own the task while you sort things out on a personal level. What should not be acceptable is keeping these thoughts and feelings to yourself, as well as thinking that just because one therapist or pill didn’t help the situation doesn’t mean A) you yourself are helpless and B) that giving up is the only option left. We are truly all in this together.

The people have spoken, but no one listens.

Citizens of the United States have a variety of thoughts and feelings regarding the midterm elections that just took place, but an exit poll question was shared on several news networks last week that no one seems to want to keep talking about.

Over SEVENTY PERCENT of voters said that their preference is to have NEITHER Biden or Trump as candidates in the 2024 election. That percentage implies a substantial development from both major groups – of course parties can be dissatisfied with certain candidates, but this matchup in 2020 was one of the most polarizing of our time. We have a very clear majority that want to move on from this madness, and yet the media (along with those in charge) continue to shove this narrative down our throats. These men are too old, too controversial, and (I’m a broken record here) should be at home with families instead of injecting more chaos into our government.

I actively studied politics in high school, and seriously considered majoring in Poly Sci when I was deciding where to go for college. While I would never dream of subjecting my family and friends to the extreme impact of running a campaign for a higher office in this day and age, I continue to be fascinated by the lack of educating oneself that remains the usual voter’s approach to preparing for each election cycle. Endless attacks on one’s personal character/political history because of a random Tweet or commercial you saw one day does not entitle you to a superior opinion, but rather puts you in the majority of those who do less than the bare minimum to learn about candidates before formally casting a ballot.

Let’s visit the notion of the “wave” that normally favors the party not holding the Oval Office very four years. For decades, the Republicans and Democrats have assumed that by attacking the other’s President early on in their term – it is only natural that the nation will follow their lead and empower them in the other government branches to seek a true balance of power. However, 2022 is showing a buck in that trend because of two primary factors: first, the candidates selected from both sides were not exactly what the public wanted to replace incumbents (cue celebrity TV doctors, and others who seem to think democracy is something to be taken from someone else) – and secondly, the MOST influential factor, is that the nation does NOT like the idea of a candidate needing to be “backed” by Trump as a means for getting elected into office over someone else.

We can go back and forth on this all day, as most of you know that I voted third-party in 2020 since my conscience would not allow me to cast a vote for either of these senile men to hold one of the most important positions in the world (and furthermore, I did the same thing in 2022 when it came to replacing our soon-to-be-vacant Senator spot in NC based on the options we were presented with). You can do your best to tell me my vote is “wasted” in this system, but the independents taking office (or forcing run-offs due to percentages not being reached) are implying quite the opposite. If more of you were willing to act on how you feel, the candidates being vetted and polled would be of higher quality and a better reflection of the platform you claim to represent… or you may finally see the light and put some effort into creating a healthier alternative.

Our nation may indeed be approaching its 250th birthday, but when it comes to the discussions had on nearly every platform – you would think that the US is struggling with puberty in its teenage years with acne popping up every other day no matter what kind of facial scrub we use. I hope that the surprising outcomes (I’m defining “surprising” by noting how many races went against polling data) challenge everyone to not merely call the election process into question – the fact that it takes us weeks to count votes amid lawsuits from both sides is just downright depressing – but to take time from scrolling through Reels and TikToks to dig more into what makes someone an ideal candidate to you personally. You might be surprised as to what you find, and I’ll be over here with a cigar to talk about it all when you do.

We are responsible. Every single one of us.

For not actually doing something sooner. For becoming numb to this type of news. For not voting out these shmucks that don’t give a DAMN about our families – and don’t get me started down the rabbit hole of where to place the blame. Both mainstream parties have repeatedly failed us in our lifetimes, and the fact that any of you continue to defend them is egregious. When we can’t get immediate action from people whose comfy lives we fund with our tax dollars (who aren’t even debating the issue at the state/federal office levels at this time), the time has come to SEND THEM PACKING.

If you want to make a change, start in areas we have the most control over. First and foremost, GO GIVE BLOOD (and platelets, and plasma) – we tend to forget that so many people need something we take for granted every single day. Next, go through the fundraisers that will help the people affected the most and give 5 bucks… or 50. Then, seriously give thought to where your child current attends school (or where you’re planning on sending them), and evaluate the measures taken by those in leadership to both educate AND protect your children. If they don’t exceed your expectations, show how you prioritize your family by making a difficult change and get them out of there.

Speaking from experience – homeschooling is nowhere near as hard / complicated / confusing as people make it out to be. Depending on the state you reside in, it may be even easier than you think (take NC for example, where any child can try out for sports at public/private schools like I did). If you want to make a serious inquiry into how it all works, please message me and ask. I would rather abandon my current work and invest my time in helping our families grow in the safest structure we can possibly provide for them – instead of maintaining the status quo where the end result is not even CLOSE to the one that any of us want.

The more important factor in creating change (outside of our homes) is A) encouraging those who have our best interests in mind to RUN for office (whether that be the school board, local office, PTA, etc etc) and then B) taking the time and effort to get these impassionate people out of their comfortable offices where they mock us by sending their thoughts and prayers.

I know I don’t have the right words to say to those who are impacted the most by issues such as these, but I hope that by enough of us raising our voices – that true change can happen to reduce as many of these unthinkable tragedies as we possibly can.

The significance of a tree.

  • December 12, 2021December 12, 2021
  • by Ben Torres

I honestly have not had a Christmas tree in my place of residence for several years… in fact, other than a “Charlie Brown” equivalent for a couple occasions, it has been nearly 15 years since having a legit-sized tree to put up and decorate. Granted, I have been on the move – packing up a moving truck every year since 2014 and going to another neighborhood (if not another state altogether). At the core, the places I have called “home” have merely been stops along the way – with a handful of nice memories to take away from each. There can be all the excuses for being a Grinch and not celebrating by way of decor as everyone else does, and I likely cited all of them in the past.

This may seem trivial to some, but having gone through the process for the first time in what feels like forever… bear with me. Black Friday certainly does not have the significance it once did in getting up at the crack of dawn to feed my consumer greed – instead, we bundled up our newborn and headed to Home Depot to get a tree and decorations for the yard. While I may have grimaced at first when the wife suggested such an idea (cue memories of having to untangle lights in knots that no Boy Scout is capable of undoing), I found that it brought me immense comfort and joy to bond together over decorating and preparing our home for our Savior’s birth. Furthermore, it cemented the fact that life now consists of having made a home with my new little family – and while it might look like the simple gesture that most do to “play their part” when the holiday rolls around… this one simply feels different.

I’m sure part of this has to do with the fact that I now get to watch my newborn child’s eyes LIGHT up when seeing the colors sparkle as they bounce off the various ornaments we scrapped together. Another part is seeing the joy it brings my wife to prepare our home for the occasion, and the tangible realization that we are indeed growing as individuals and together with every challenge and opportunity that comes our way. There are so many negative things happening in the world that could affect our mindset in this season – sometimes it really is the simple, small things like plugging in the lights Clark Griswold-style and stepping back to enjoy the view with the ones you love.

No matter what life throws at you this month, I hope that in the midst of the world’s current level of noise and chaos that some of you can manage to find a similar feeling this Advent season.